Half of My Heart
by Kalianah
Summary: Captain Swan, College AU. Emma and Neal are high school sweethearts headed straight for the fairy-tale books, taking David and Mary Margaret along with them. Killian Jones has enjoyed the group's three years in college, but as they enter senior year Emma begins complicating his once-simple life. "...that is how change happens. One gesture. One person. One moment at a time."
1. The Breakfast

**Disclaimer: **The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's _Once Upon a Time's _intellectual property.

**Half of My Heart**

******"...that is how change happens. One gesture. One person. One moment at a time."**

******-_The Sweet Far Thing_**

Killian woke up to a fist hitting his face, jolting his body. He shot up straight, blanket falling down to reveal his chest, which was naked - presumably from last night's events. Rubbing his hand on his face, feeling the sting and hoping it didn't bruise, he looked down at the sleeping girl - surprised she hadn't woken up at her own violence.

He smirked, imagining that she was quite used to exerting her violence on men, if last night was any example - he could still feel the claw marks on his back from her acrylic nails. One had popped off during the festivities, which had only made her dig harder into his skin, and had made him thrust harder into her, loving how unashamed she was at her passion. _Always refreshing, _he thought, _a woman who takes what she wants. _

That is what he enjoyed most about his casual flings and sexual encounters - he was much more likely to find a woman like that, with unabashed sexual urges, in situations like last night when he was at David's bar, enjoying the band and free drinks. Knowing the bartenders did wonders on one's pocket books, Killian thought, grinning.

With one last glance over to the girl to check if she was still sleeping, he rolled out of bed, slipped on some flannel pants, and padded through the hallway to the bathroom he shared with David. As he got closer, he heard a man's groan and cackled despite his own blurry-headed hangover. He casually strolled into the bathroom, leaning against the sink and smirking at the obviously miserable David Nolan. He shook his head, _a bartender who can't hold his liquor. _The ladies who called him the golden boy of their group would have their reality dashed hard, seeing his pallid face and bloodshot eyes, body sitting against the tub, preparing to go round 815 with the toilet this morning.

"Rough night, mate?" Killian asked, voice quiet but smirk still plastered on.

David just blinked up at him, casually flicking off his friend of three years.

"Well, as you obviously have staked a claim on the bathroom this morning, I'll get started on breakfast - something nice and greasy for you." Killian waited a moment, then shoved off the counter to leave, but not before he turned around and said, "You _do _like sardines in your eggs and bacon, right?" And with another evil grin, closed the door to the sound of another groan and more of David's night out hitting the porcelain toilet.

Killian walked over to their kitchen, and placed his hand on the cool granite-topped island; he loved this kitchen, as it was the primary reason he convinced them to move into the complex last year. It had clean stainless steel appliances, a deep farm sink, and his favorite - a center breakfast island made of cool black-and-red granite that conveniently hit about waist high.

He stretched out his naked torso on the counter, reveling in the coolness hitting his chest and his back, stretching after last night's activities. Though he loved cooking in the kitchen and having meals here with his friends, he admittedly cherished the thought of doing something far more pleasurable on the black top. He had never quite been able to do it, though; he always filed it away on his mental bucket list.

Shaking his head at the silly fantasy, he bent down to get a skillet for the eggs when he felt lithe hands come around his waist, pulling him into a female body. "Hey baby," she whispered in his ear. "Why didn't you wake me up? We could've had another go." She slid her hands up his still-naked chest, teasing him more than a little.

Placing the skillet on the counter, Killian turned around and pushed her gently against it smiling, "It was a long night, I knew you needed your rest. Now that you're up, though…" He shot her a rakish smile and a wink, "maybe we can go once more."

She smiled back, his good mood infectious, and she ran her fingers through his hair, leaning in to kiss him when they felt the front door slam against the wall and heard a yell, "Hey assholes, what's going down?"

Killian groaned at the sound of Neal's voice and with a consoling smile to his guest, pushed off the counter and went to meet him.

"Hey mate, keep it down - I think Mary Margaret is still sleeping, and David is busy nursing a mighty hangover."

Neal scoffed, looking between Killian and the girl, leering slightly at the latter. "Hey _mate, _how's about you put on a shirt? Pretty rich boy like you should be able to afford one of those," at that, he breezed by and jogged to the bathroom where David was still camped out.

He opened the door, slamming it much like the front door earlier, and David immediately glared at the unwanted noise. "What do you want, Neal?"

"Oh just wanted to see how my buddy was fairing in the aftermath. You really need to learn how to hold your liquor, dude. Even Killian's bang-of-the-night out drank you and she's out there slipping him a morning handjob right now."

David knew he was needling him, this was Neal's favorite past time - he took great pride in his ability to outdrink and outlast anyone, his greatest life achievement thus far; _perhaps forever_, David thought with a grimace.

Trying to reign in his quiet anger over Neal's inconsiderate entrance, Killian took a few deep breaths as he walked over to close their front door, double checking that the wall wasn't dented by Neal's exuberance. As he closed it he caught the soft, golden form of Emma walking down the hallway -presumably to find Neal, her boyfriend.

He smiled brightly, anger forgotten at the idea of seeing her in the mornings - though she seemed to have put on actual clothes, he noted with a tinge of sadness. "Hey Swan, your beau is harassing your brother - might want to go rescue him." Killian winked at the stern look she gave him, "Ever wonder why you always have to chase after him like he's a lost puppy?"

Ignoring him, she walked into the apartment as if she owned the place. Carrying herself with severity, she walked over to the bathroom where Neal was still blathering on about the weaknesses of David's man card; when he saw her Neal instantly softened and pulled her in for a kiss. She gave in, but kept it short, feeling Killian's eyes on her.

"Neal, we should probably let these guys recover from last night - I need to get ready for class, let's go back upstairs." Her and Mary Margaret conveniently lived in the same building, just one floor above the guys - it was a perfect compromise for Mary and David, who wanted to be close to each other, but didn't want to break with their roommates and friends.

Killian, who had been listening to the conversation, decided to pipe in, "Actually, I was just about to make some breakfast - you're more than welcome to stay for that, since you'll have to eat anyway."

Emma glanced over at him; she had been trying to ignore his presence, and him not being fully clothed was a distraction. Her cheeks bloomed a bit, lips pursing out of discomfort for the situation. He was just so _blasé _about his body, she didn't quite understand it and couldn't possibly ever be comfortable with him like that.

Neal decided to pipe in, "Oh that sounds good man, I'll take some of whatever you're making." As if the decision was closed for debate, he walked into Killian's living room and flipped on the TV, just in time for _The Price is Right. _

It was times like these that Killian was glad for Neal's utter disinterest in cooking, or socializing really - and for the fact that the living room was mostly closed off from the kitchen. He smiled at Emma, who just nodded her acceptance of Neal's decision, before watching Killian walk into his bedroom to put on a shirt. _Wouldn't want the Swan to feel uncomfortable, _he thought wryly.

As he walked back towards the kitchen, Emma stood there watching him with a blank face. Perhaps he would take her to Vegas some time, she'd be an excellent poker player; at the thought of her with him in Vegas his steps faltered a bit, imagining all the fun they could have.

A throat clear tore Emma's gaze towards the brunette from last night, who was clearly feeling bereft of Killian's attention. He smiled sweetly at her, "Sorry about that lass - I'm sure you remember Swan from last night. She'll be staying for breakfast, and would you prefer pancakes or waffles?"

She scrunched up her face in distaste, "Ew, I don't eat carbs, and I thought your name was Emma?"

Emma rolled her eyes, "It is, he just refuses to call me that." At that, she turned to grab the mix from the pantry as Killian pecked the brunette on the nose and acquiesced, "Perhaps an omelet then, mm?"

The girl grinned at him and nodded, settling into the stool in front of the island as he moved to the refrigerator, grabbing eggs, cheese, peppers, and bacon. David would kill him if there wasn't a good pound of greasy bacon waiting for him on the other side of his hangover.

He whirled around, watching Swan flit about his kitchen like it was her own, grabbing mixing bowls and stealing the milk and eggs from his hands. He always loved watching her get involved in any task, her face always got so peaceful and the hard line of her lips would soften.

"So Swan, have a good time last night? I couldn't tell over the shrill sounds of your karaoke." He winked as she glared at him, yet he caught the smile that was there as she pulled her hair up and started mixing the pancake batter.

"I had a lovely time, thank you. The sixth round of shots might have done a few of us in, namely David over there." She pointed towards the bathroom with the spoon she was using to stir.

Killian grinned as he cracked a few eggs and started whisking them together, adding milk and a tinge of butter and spices to the liquid mixture. "Yes, you'd think he'd learn by now, but there's no stopping him once he gets going. I was amazed Mary Margaret was even able to get him in bed."

"I'm sure that was a good thing for you, though, seeing as how you had other things you were more focused on." She nodded toward the brunette, who was deeply engrossed in her phone - presumably catching up on texts and letting twitter know that she was at _the _Killian Jones' apartment, and he was making her breakfast.

"Ah yes, she was quite determined last night - and I've never been one to deny a girl's pleasure. Unless, of course, it was all part of the fun." He winked at Emma as her mouth dropped a bit; she closed it and shook her head ruefully.

They had come to a bit of an understanding in the past few years, she knew his flirtations were harmless - he was like this with every girl, and unashamedly so. At first, she was quite distrusting of the charming smile and rakish good looks, but if he had won David's trust and friendship, then she eventually had to fall in line. He had never given her any reason to distrust him, or his loyalty to their friendship - fully knowing he would do anything for her or David or Mary Margaret.

She admired that.

Killian interrupted her thoughts by declaring that she positively _must _make his pancakes Mickey Mouse shaped.

"I'm not making you pancakes with ears," she sputtered. He was a grown man acting like a child.

Killian rolled his eyes, walked over and tugged on her ponytail, "Yes you are, Swan."

"Why on earth would I do that? You're not that special, and it'd take longer - I have to get to school in an hour!" She set herself firmly against it and Killian thoroughly enjoyed how she always dug her heels into the ground, so stubborn - much like her brother, David.

He came up behind her and whispered in her ear, "Please, Emma? For me?" He leaned around slowly to catch her eyes, giving her the most pathetic puppy dog expression he could muster. Emma huffed, "Fine. Why are they so important to you, anyway?"

His face lit up brilliantly, unable to deny his exuberance - it was such a silly, small thing, but one that Jones was more than willing to put down in the 'win' column of the Swan v. Jones battle. "Because sometimes, you just have to embrace your spontaneous nature - and my nature was positively demanding that I had pancakes shaped like Mickey Mouse this morning; and since you volunteered your services, it was only natural I asked you!"

The brunette's scroll through Facebook statuses was interrupted by Emma's laughter and squeal as Killian decided to thank her for capitulating by tickling her, almost causing Emma to drop the batter. The brunette's eyes narrowed at the scene since last time she checked Killian was very much a single man and it was known that Emma was with the notorious Neal Cassidy, resident supplier of recreational meds to the University's populace. _Very curious, _she thought.

"NEAL CASSIDY WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING TO MY BOYFRIEND?" Mary Margaret's usually soft voice rang out in the hallway as Neal bolted out of the bathroom again, laughing. She helped David up, who now had color back in his face and was getting ready to take a shower.

"Sorry M&M, commercials got boring - wanted to make sure my bro was okay!" Neal ignored her glares as he noticed Killian's girl wander back into his bedroom, presumably to get dressed. Not that he minded, _look but don't touch_ was his motto and it had served him well.

Back in the kitchen, Killian was finishing up the last omelet, bacon still sizzling in the pan. Emma fixed herself a plate of pancakes and settled into the barstool when he quietly placed another plate with an omelet next to her pancakes. Her eyes fluttered up to his, not quite understanding. "I know you like your omelets with pepper jack cheese and ham, hope you don't mind."

Emma was surprised, and quietly murmured her thanks. He was always surprising her like this, with things she liked but never asked for. She wasn't really sure how he seemed to know so much about her nuances - but she couldn't deny she enjoyed it, as she chewed on the first bite of the omelet and grinned at him in pleasure.

Killian was smug as he turned to transfer the bacon to one plate - probably entirely for David, knowing him. His brunette sauntered out of the room, clothes from last night on and looking remarkably fresh and gorgeous for a girl who had gone without a shower and had spent the better part of the night on her back, hair mussed up from his hands running through it.

He smiled and placed another omelet in front of her as she sat next to Emma. He leaned back on the counter, not quite ready to eat the pancakes he had demanded, and observed the two lovely women.

One with glossy blonde hair that fell in soft curls and the other with brunette hair that fell straight and short. Both truly gorgeous, yet so different. Killian kept finding his eyes lingering on Emma's fingers, so delicate - like a Princess' - and wondered why Neal hadn't slipped a ring on her heart finger yet. A gold band with a bright Sapphire, maybe - or Ruby, yes, maybe that's what she'd like; he couldn't imagine a diamond ever being enough for her - everyone has a diamond, but Swan deserved something tailored for her.

Killian shook his head of those thoughts, deciding they weren't worth dwelling on, and dug into his Mickey Mouse pancakes. "Do uf knu what ches remind me oof?" he asked Emma a little later, mouth full. She scrunched up her nose, and before she can respond the brunette announced she was finished and was headed out.

Swallowing the rest of his breakfast, Killian hopped off the counter he was sitting on and escorted her to his door, hand on the small of her back, gently guiding.

Emma watched under hooded eyes, trying to focus on her omelet, but failing as she heard soft giggles coming from the doorway and the distinct sound of wet lips mashing together.

A few minutes later, Killian came back into view, lips bright red and face flushed. "Well, she seems like quite the catch, Captain."

Killian scowled a bit at her nickname for him, but it was fleeting as he noted her own flushed face. "She was lovely, but I'm not in the market for an extended stay, as it were."

"I don't know how you can be so cavalier with their hearts." Emma quipped, obviously uncomfortable with the casual display.

"Ah Swan, I do not lie to them, they come home with me of their own choice, and leave with breakfast and smiles on their faces. I cannot help that I like to live in the moment. It's college, after all!" He spread his hands wide, as if that explained everything. She huffed a bit until her eyes moved up to catch his.

They stared at each other, not sure how much time had passed. His smile had turned into a firm line as he tried to read the emotions flitting about her face, and likewise she was trying to figure out how anyone could be so casual and open about their romances. To Emma, love and relationships were forever, and sex should only be shared within them - not with barflies who enjoyed one-offs in the evenings. Both of them deserved better than that, but that's why she didn't do the same types of things - to each their own, and she and Killian did not see eye to eye on that front. Just another reason they never got along for too long.

Killian just held her eyes, the silence weighing him down - not awkward, but heavy - as if it shouldn't be there, weight placed upon them like Zeus to Atlas, holding the world on his shoulders in punishment. What was Killian's crime? He felt her silence as judgment wrapping around him, and wasn't sure where he fell. And that made him nervous.

After a few moments, Mary Margaret and David finally arrived - both having freshly showered hair and bodies, scrounging for breakfast. Emma broke the connection to Killian and smiled at her friend and defacto brother. David had been with her since high school, her only friend until Neal came along. He had paired up with the quiet teenager, and protected her - as knights do with princesses. David was her constant, her brother, and she wouldn't have it any other way. The fact that his girlfriend of 3 years, Mary Margaret, was one of the kindest souls she had ever met, pleased her greatly. She was so grateful that he had found someone worthy of his soul.

"So, you feeling better David?" She asked, breaking the underlying tension from her conversation with Killian.

David was standing there, flicking his eyes between the two, wondering why the air around Emma and Killian was so thick. He made a shrugging motion, and replied "Oh yes, much better." His eyes sparkled a bit as he put an arm around Mary Margaret, who flushed to a bright red. Emma gave the happy couple a small smile.

"Enough with the gooey mushy stuff, man! It's time to eat!" Neal had clearly torn himself away from watching Drew Carey spout out numbers just in time to break the quiet moment between the four friends. Killian rolled his eyes again - he seemed to be doing that a lot with Neal lately - and waved his hand to the plate of bacon and omelets.

"Swan made pancakes too; mine were delicious by the way, thank you." He winked at Emma, showing his appreciation for his silly shape pancakes, but not willing to admit to their secret.

After the group had finished eating, Emma finally declared that it was time for her to get to class, and promptly dragged Neal out of the apartment - waving goodbye and thanking Killian for her omelet. He winked at her, "Any time, lass."

Mary Margaret decided she would head up to her place as well to get changed for work and kissed David goodbye, strolling out the door.

Once they were alone, and Killian was collecting the plates to clean up after their breakfast, David watched him quietly. "So what was all that about earlier?"

Killian paused a moment, his back to David. "What was what all about? The brunette? You know she was just a pick up from last night, nothing to really know." He started the water in the sink and grabbed the soap, trying to keep himself occupied, not really wanting to look at his best friend's face right now.

"Not about her, I'm not concerned about her. I'm talking about Emma. Is there something I should know about? I may be hungover, but I felt that tension between you two earlier. What happened?" David had his big brother pants on, despite being the same age as Emma.

Killian shut off the water, sighing. "There's nothing you need to worry about, mate. I was just in a good place this morning, and she was on her 'I don't like casual sex' mode. You know how those two things don't play well with each other; she can't keep her opinions from crossing her face."

David eyed his friend, waiting to see if he would admit to anything else. He knew Killian's relationship with Emma had always been a bit tense - for some unknown reason - since they met. "Just don't go falling for her, Jones. It's a bit late for that, she's still head over heels for Neal and happy."

Killian held his eyes for a minute, before dropping them and turning back to the dishes and soap.

"I wouldn't dream of it, mate."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Hi everyone, this is the first story I've ever written and published, so please don't hesitate to give gentle critique. It is also not beta'd by anyone but myself, so small errors are very likely. I intend for this to be a longer story, it is outlined for around 35 chapters of similar length. It was inspired by the bromance that is Captain Charming, so expect there to be a lot of those two =)

But as always, this is a Captain Swan story at heart, and I hope you enjoy their journey as much as I will.

Thanks! Feel free to PM me here or on my tumblr - caishakalianah if you have anything to say - reviews are always appreciated!

~Caisha


	2. The Flashback

**Disclaimer: **The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's _Once Upon a Time's _intellectual property.

**Half of My Heart**

**"... it was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice." **

**-****_The Heart of Darkness_**

**_Three Years Earlier_**

Killian fiddled with the bags in his car as dozens of families of college freshmen pooled around him in the parking lot. _They better not rush me, _he thought. He didn't think it was likely, but since he was the only one moving his stuff in he wasn't sure how safe it would be. Like in that episode of _Veronica Mars, _only minus Piz's stupidity; chump. He was still laughing at the joke he told himself when his phone rang from inside the car.

_Damnit, why didn't I keep it in my pocket?_ He thought as he attempted to maneuver through the passenger side to where it had fallen onto the driver's floorboard. He answered it, a bit breathless from the rush, "Hello?"

"KILLIAN! How's the move going baby bro?" Liam's voice filtered through, and he couldn't help but smile. He wasn't expecting a call from his brother, who was currently on some Navy vessel in the Atlantic.

"Hey man, it's only just begun - I haven't even made it to my room yet." Liam laughed a bit, and Killian knew he was assuming he had gotten distracted by some lovely ladies. "No Liam, not like that - it's just really crazy out here."

"I'm sure it is man, sure it is. Well hey, I'd like to take this moment to say _I told you so, _and you should've just bought that off-campus house to live in like I told you, but noooooooo you had to go all _I want the experience of a true freshman _on me and the accountant." Killian rolled his eyes, and while that was still all true - he didn't want to spend his parent's money on something like that - what he really wanted was the awful experience of freshman dorms.

He knew it was crazy - who really wants communal bathrooms and 10x10 rooms shared between two people? If he asked, any number of these kids would hop at the chance of a house all alone off of campus. Alas, he was not one of those kids - he lived too much for the adventure and experience, and there would be plenty of time in life left to experience living alone in a fancy house, whereas living as an adult in a dorm-like room would raise some concerns later on.

"I did want the experience; let's not get into this again Liam." He sighed a bit, not really wanting to get into a fight with him - he assumed Liam had pulled some strings to be able to call using their satellite phone, and wanted to keep the conversation away from tense topics.

"Course not, sorry Killian! Well, I just wanted to call and wish you good luck. Maybe you'll meet the lucky future Mrs. Jones - just think about that!" Liam started laughing, and Killian rolled his eyes - Liam knew very well that Killian fully intended to partake of the college experience, meaning lots of drinking, women, and camaraderie. Life was too short to spend all of your precious young years with just one woman. Sure, eventually he might settle down, but not until his career was well underway. _Too many complications_, he thought.

"Thanks man, I appreciate you calling. I know it must have been tough."

"No problem, don't worry about it. I just wish I could be there for this momentous occasion! I mean, how many times does my baby brother go to college, you know? Somebody should be there with you." Killian gave a small smile, knowing his brother was truly sad he couldn't make it - but that's how it goes when you're off on a cruiser in the middle of the ocean. Can't really flit off for a day or two.

"No worries mate! You'll get to share other experiences down the road, too."

"True true. Well, hey man I have to get going; I hope it goes smoothly and that your roommate isn't a total arse. Be safe and e-mail me soon, let me know what's happening!" Killian heard some yelling in the background, probably the other guys telling him to get off. He said his goodbyes and hung up, feeling refreshed and ready to meet his roommate.

Liam was his absolute best friend, despite being his brother and being raised by him - which can sometimes be contradictory sentiments. He knew that Liam wanted to be there, but Killian had learned long ago of the trauma that can happen when you live in the past and so didn't stress too much about it. There will be other moments that Liam would be there for, not just this one.

Killian shook off the thoughts, and readjusted the bags he was carrying before walking towards the building's double doors which thankfully were propped open. He walked up to the woman in the office that was checking everyone in, several bags slung across his body. The woman looked him up and down, appraising him and raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow before asking for his name and ID.

"Killian Jones," he said, handing her his Massachusetts's driver's license. As she reviewed it and typed it in on her computer, he looked around briefly and caught a blonde girl staring at him, her eyes slightly wider than normal. "M'lady." He added, staring back at her and bowing a bit. He caught a flush that went down to her neck and she broke contact.

"Ah, you have been assigned room 312, roommate is David Nolan. Here is a list of things to check your room for - if any are damaged or missing, note them - if you don't, and they're damaged, you pay for them so be careful." She had the stern look on her face, as if she knew exactly who she was dealing with. He smirked at her, but thanked her all the same.

As he turned around and headed to the elevator, he caught the blonde girl's eyes once more and winked invitingly. She had apparently lost all sense of wonder at that, and just rolled her eyes and turned away.

_Oh yes, _he thought. _College is going to be wonderful. _

* * *

When he got to the room, the door was already open and he saw another tall man like himself, this one blonde and broad shouldered - _what is with the blondes around here? _"Hey mate, you happen to be David?"

The guy turned around and smiled, nodding. "Yeah! I am, are you Killian?"

"In the flesh! I see you've heard of me." Killian grinned a bit, hoping he was making a good first impression. He didn't have any friends here, and Liam was always halfway across the world, in the middle of an ocean.

"Yeah man, they told me your name earlier when I checked in. I hope its okay, but I took the left side of the room - they're basically identical, but you could have a thing for sides." He stuttered a bit, clearly not wanting to offend the new roommate.

"Oh no worries man, right side is fine." At that, he started unstrapping all the bags he had carried up with him, throwing most on his bed. He cringed at the idea of a small cot, but knew it was just part of the experience. By the time all the bags were off of him - six to be exact - there was nowhere to sit, so he hopped onto the built in desk at the head of the bed.

"Don't you have anyone to help you with that stuff?" David asked, not impolitely. Most of the guys in the hallway had parents shuffling in and out of rooms, battling between hysterically nervous and overbearing. Killian noted that David asked the same question he was thinking, because David was also all alone.

"Oh no, my brother is in the Navy and he couldn't get leave for this week, so it's just me right now. I'm used to it, though." Killian shook his head, hoping that David wouldn't dwell too much on the question - it wasn't really a thing he cared enough about. He was alone; he was used to it - more of a future-only kind of guy.

"Oh okay, that's cool! My sister was up here earlier, she helped me move all this in. I'll help her, too, once she's figured out where she's supposed to be." David shook his head a bit, clearly adoring his sister. Killian hummed a bit, thinking - this explains why he was alone, but not where the lack of parents came from. He decided not to ask, knowing from experience that the situation was probably deeply personal and not at all appropriate for discussion.

"So what's the deal, what did you come to this illustrious university for?" He asked, deciding to distract himself from the thoughts in his mind.

David shuffled a bit, fiddling with the drawstring on one of his bags of clothes, "Oh, I plan to be a psychologist - maybe a psychiatrist if I can handle the medical part." He chuckled, and Killian agreed - big if, psychiatry is an intense program.

"Oh wow - big dreams, huh? What made you go that route?" Killian inquired, looking at David from that perspective. He seemed to be pretty good at listening, had a good countenance - was inviting, but didn't pry. He liked that in friends, he'd have to make an effort to keep this one around.

"Oh, my sister - foster-sister really. She had a long road, rough history, and I just think that I could focus on kids like her and help them get through the rough parts." David seemed a bit unsure about admitting this to a total stranger, but Killian didn't want him feeling ashamed so continued on with answering the question for himself.

"That seems like an excellent reason. Unfortunately, mine's a bit more self-serving - I intend to go into design - be an architect." Killian knew that the reasons for being an architect were slightly deeper, but they'd tend to open up a can of worms and he wasn't feeling up to explanations right now. He was content with the other answer - architects made lots of money.

David was putting his bedding on, and nodded. "So you like to draw, then, I assume?"

Killian hopped off the desk finally, "A bit, yeah. Nothing fancy, and always just buildings and structures." Killian started unpacking his clothes, putting them in the built-in chest of drawers. _Guess they didn't want anything being taken out or broken, _he thought. "So what do you like to do for fun?" He imagined that he would find out on his own, but wanted to keep the conversation ongoing. Awkward silences and all.

"I'm kind of boring in a lot of respects, most of my free time is spent with my sister Emma, but I work a full week at my father's bar, just stocking and taking orders. I'd like to bartend, but I'm not old enough yet." David shook his head, finally giving up on unpacking and threw himself on the bed as he talked. "I think it'd be a good gig, you know what they say about bartenders being proxy counselors," he added, grinning.

Killian laughed at bit, "Won't disagree with you there. So if he owns this place, can I hang out without being 21? Is there music?"

"Sure, I mean it's just a bar - you won't be able to order alcohol though." David winks, and Killian knows that exceptions could be made, depending on circumstances. "There's not really much live music, but we do have an internet juke box."

Killian hums a bit. "Interesting! Might have to look into bands, they make bars in this town what they are."

"Why, are you a musician trying to get a gig or something?"

"No, pretty strictly an art-and-design kind of guy, but I enjoy live music. I just have a feeling I'm going to end up spending a good amount of time at this bar, if it's the only place I can get into under 21." Killian pulled the desk chair out and sat down, legs straddling the back of course, because how else would he sit?

David laughs, "Slow down there man, I mean you seem pretty cool, but what makes you think you'll be there a lot?"

"Because I'm a good judge of character, and when I like something I just go with it. You seem like a good guy to hang out with, and here I am!" He gestured at the scene before him - David lounging on the bed, unpacking postponed for the conversation or maybe he was just tired.

Just then the phone rang, and David shook his head a bit at Killian's strange enthusiasm and answered, "Hey Ems, you ready for some help?"

Killian watched David talking to this foster-sister - _what an unusual situation,_ he thought. I could've been the one with a foster-brother if Liam hadn't-

"Hey man, that was my sister Emma - I'm going to go help her move in. I'll let you get settled in, here's my number if you need something." David scribbled down 10 digits and handed the paper to Killian.

Killian thought a bit, curious about the whole situation, and spoke, "If it's okay, I'd like to offer my services - we can get done faster that way and I don't have anything else to do today."

David paused, not really expecting the offer, "Sure man, sounds good. She's just downstairs, I'm sure she won't mind."

However, he was quite sure Emma _would _mind - she hated meeting new people, strangers - but college was the time to branch out, and she was going to have to meet his new roommate at some point. Sometimes she just needed a small shove in the general direction. David laughed at himself, then steeled for the battle he knew was coming.

They headed downstairs and as they walked to what was presumably David's car, Killian spotted the soft-faced blonde he had played eye-footsy with earlier; as they continued walking, he noticed that they were headed straight for her. It was then that Killian realized she must be Emma. Killian had a broad grin on his face at the coincidence when David introduced him. "Hey Emma this is Killian, my roommate; he offered to help move your stuff into your room." David shifted his eyes between the two of them, obviously nervous about how she would react to the stranger.

Killian had a look of utter glee on his face, enjoying the fact that he had caught her staring at him earlier, and watched as a bit of red entered her face again. She was definitely judging him, and he - for whatever reason - was extremely entertained by that fact.

Emma was staring at the person of interest - tall, dark, and handsome; she huffed, _add cocky to that list. _He had this ridiculous grin on his face, and the longer he kept it the more awkward it made Emma feel. Why was he smiling like that? Such a strange guy, no one smiles at strangers like that - much less her. She preferred to be the faded person in the background. She snapped out of her moment when he greeted her.

"Hey there, lass. It's good to meet you; I hear you might need some help with your things?" Killian bowed a bit, "I am at your service."

"Did you seriously just bow at me?" Emma blinked, taken aback by the strange gesture. Were they sure this guy was 18, and a freshman? He acted as if he was from the stuff upper class of the 1900s, 'old money' families. That or from Downton Abbey, whichever suited him.

Killian righted himself, his broad grin dimming a bit, "Yes I did, and I was always taught to be a gentleman - in all the old ways that truly matter. I hope I didn't offend you." He was a bit unsure by her demeanor, she could've been one of the wild feminists who saw the gesture as offensive and negative - or just really defensive since he knew she had been caught staring earlier; he only meant to show her respect and his abeyance, though. "It was not meant to mock or insult, just for respect."

Emma eyed him up and down, and opened her mouth to say something in response when David interrupted the two grumpy old people. "Well, that was a lovely chat, but I do think we need to get this stuff up to your room, Emma. Just load us up."

David and Killian snapped together like soldiers and held their arms out, somehow already falling in line with each other. Emma rolled her eyes at the scene, but started piling her bags onto them. Killian ended up carrying so many things that all she had left in her car was a soft, knit baby blanket with the name _Emma _scrolled in white script. Killian noted it, and also noted the fact that it hadn't been packed away - just kept out, as if she didn't trust it to be safe unless it was in her sights.

He made a mental note to ask her about it later, when she stopped looking at him like she was going to reduce him to ashes if he made her blush one more time.

They stumbled through the doors and placed the stuff on one of the dollies - _where was this when I was moving in? _thought Killian - and filed into the elevator. Emma pressed the number 4 when Killian quipped "Well, you two definitely don't like to be apart, huh?"

Emma scowled, "It was just a coincidence, - I chose this building because it was supposed to be the studious one."

Laughing, Killian replied, "The studious one, what on earth does that mean? If I had known, I surely would not have signed up for it."

"It's usually just for people in tougher disciplines, who prefer quiet - the dorms will have stricter rules, and you're likely to have classmates in the same major as you that also live here. At first, it was just billed as an Engineering dorm, but it kind of evolved." David supplied the answer, much to Killian's chagrin. He had been hoping for some wild hallway parties, how could he have missed this?

His thoughts were interrupted when Emma put her hand on his arm and pushed him out of the way - he had been standing in front of her door, apparently. It was just a gentle shove, but he thoroughly enjoyed the contact. Perhaps living in the _studious _dorm wouldn't be such a bad thing after all, he mused.

Before Emma could open the door to her dorm room, it swung open to reveal a girl with jet black hair and a pixie haircut. She smiled immediately, almost bouncing on the tips of her feet. "Oh! You must be Emma, come on in. I'm Mary Margaret. I'm so excited to meet you. Who are these guys?" She asked, waving at Killian and David, who were still standing in the hallway, watching the scene.

Killian was looking at Emma, who seemed a bit stunned by the introduction, but waved her hand at the men behind her. "This is David, my foster brother, and this is his new roommate, Killian." Both men nodded, and David looked a bit struck, his mouth open slightly. Killian pushed past him and gave him the _what is wrong with you? _look; David shook his head and started unpacking the dolly.

As Emma and Mary Margaret started talking - well, Mary Margaret seemed to be doing most of the talking, Killian decided to tease David a bit. "So, looks like someone is well on their way to being whipped. What's the matter, mate? Never had a girlfriend?"

David sputtered, "No, not really. She's just...really cute. Can't you tell? She seems so..perfect. Do I ask her out?" His eagerness, while amusing, was also slightly concerning to Killian. He hadn't known him all that long, but David seemed like an eager and honest guy, and Killian didn't want him to get his heart stomped on by falling too hard too fast.

However, he felt as if it was always a good friend's duty to give good advice, and let them do with it what they will. "I might wait until you've known her for 24 hours or so, but I'm not the writer of this love story - you are."

David frowned a bit, and turned around. Mary Margaret was staring at him intently as Emma had started to unpack her things. She smile shyly and David walked towards her, properly introducing himself. Killian rolled his eyes, never seeing someone get so whipped in such a short amount of time.

"Killian, can you help move those bags onto my bed?" Emma's voice made him turn; he hadn't expected her to say his name. She said it as if she had hesitated a little bit, unsure if she should get so familiar with him.

"Of course, m'lady." He bowed again, knowing it had irked her the first time - and to his pleasure she glared a bit again at it.

As he was unloading the bags off the dolly, he heard a male voice call out "Hey is that room 421?" He looked to where a guy was standing off towards the beginning of the hallway; he was a bit shorter and stockier in stature than Killian, but had an open air about him, as if you just wanted to trust him. Killian nodded, and the guy walked to the door, excusing himself as he passed Killian; as soon as Emma saw him, she grinned and leapt into his arms, kissing his face hard.

"Neal! I didn't think you were going to be here so soon!" She only had eyes for him as she broke their kiss, and as Killian continued watching their interaction, it was clear that both of them were as besotted as Mary Margaret and David were already.

He sighed, and understood now her wary reactions to his blatant cheekiness. He would have to keep that in mind for future interactions; he wasn't the type to play with a loving relationship, bad form really. He was so involved in his thoughts that he missed Emma's constant looks his way as they unpacked and as she introduced Neal to Mary Margaret. She didn't know why this stranger would still be there, unpacking her things alone for her as she chatted with her friends. He didn't have to do that, but it was almost as if he needed to keep busy; his face was set without the smile from earlier and Emma found that she missed it on his face.

Shaking her head, she asked Neal to help her finish putting her clothes away. Neal was so perfect for her - exactly what she had always needed, especially back when they met.

Once she was all unpacked, they made plans to go out that night to celebrate the last night of their freedom. David and Killian headed back to their room to finish their unpacking and it was about thirty minutes later when Killian casually asked about Neal, interrupting their conversation.

David acted surprised at his curiosity, but simply explained that Emma and Neal had been a thing since high school, and he wasn't in college - just working in one of the jewelry shops downtown as a janitor. Neal wasn't really interested in higher education, and found it a bit stifling.

Killian accepted the explanation - for now - and resolved to move on to the next best topic: Mary Margaret. "So, you two seemed to hit it off -did you actually ask her out, yet?" Killian had his grin back on his face as he watched David squirm a bit under the direct question. It seemed so unusual for a guy like David to be so quiet and a little bit unsure when it came to dating protocol.

"No, I think I will after tonight. She seems so wonderful," David sighed. Killian shook his head; David was _definitely_ love-struck. Despite feeling like he was perhaps a bit young for those deep emotions, Killian enjoyed his roommates' happiness - hopefully, one day, they would be friends.

And maybe one day he would ask Emma why her eyes always caught his.

* * *

Back in the girls' dorm room, the two other roommates stared at each other once they were alone. _Mary Margaret – that was a mouthful, Neal will definitely end up shortening that_, thought Emma. She had sent him back home to get ready to go out tonight, but now she was regretting it – this silence was uncomfortable. Mary Margaret seemed to be oblivious, though, as she kept asking questions about the two men surrounding Emma. Three, now that she remembered David's new roommate. Killian – not a man she should soon forget.

"So what is it with you and David? I thought for sure he was your boyfriend, but then Neal…" Mary Margaret waved her hand a bit in a vague gesture, not sure how to go on. She was obviously trying hard to keep the conversation light but curiosity about David got the better of her. She was not as sly as she thought, and Emma grinned. This might be fun after all, living with someone who was infatuated already with her brother.

Emma smiled a bit –they did get this question a lot from people. "He's just my foster brother basically. We've known each other since I was 14, and have just been friends since - he's one of the only two people I can count on in this world right now." Her face took on a tinge of sadness, which morphed into annoyance at Mary Margaret's pity looks - or was it understanding? She wasn't really sure yet.

"Oh...well that roommate of his," Mary Margaret fanned herself a bit. "He is quite literally on fire, especially those looks he was giving you. I think the right word would be _smoldering._"

"Yeah, don't worry - he's just one of those love 'em and leave 'em types. I know those guys; he's _definitely _one of them." Emma shrugged nonchalantly, but Mary Margaret noted that she hadn't disagreed with her analysis: he _was _on fire, and the looks he was giving Emma were enough to bring a flush to her skin. "That's why I love Neal; he's been with me for three years and is just fantastic; David even begrudgingly likes him which is a miracle unto itself."

Mary Margaret nodded in agreement, as clearly Neal and Emma were besotted with each other. "That definitely appears to be the case, but still...Killian seems like a good guy, offering to help a stranger and all that."

Emma looked at her for a bit, mulling over her off handed remark. "I suppose only time will tell," she replied, distrust lacing her words.

* * *

**_Present Day_**

Killian flicked a bit of residue off of his paper, lamenting the whole idea of erasers. He wished that he never had to make another mistake again, because trying to erase it was just more trouble than it was worth. Sometimes, though, his frustrations got the better of him and he stubbornly kept on sketching around the error, making the most of it. It was rare, but an interesting artistic endeavor.

One that was not, however, appreciated by his architecture and design professors. If they wanted 18th century Second Empire, then they better get 18th century Second Empire - not 21st century accidental masterpieces. He sighed a bit, leaning against the back of the stone bench in the middle of the courtyard. He always liked this vantage point, he could see several buildings including the illustrious library - with its spiraling arches and poignant literary quotes etched in its masonry.

Looking down at his most recent sketch, wondering why he couldn't get this one just right. He felt like he had been stuck on inanimate objects for too long and longed to sketch something true to life. Unfortunately, he had to finish this design before the end of today; he scoffed - it was only a week into the semester and he had to basically plan out his entire year already. _Perks of being a fourth year, _he thought wryly.

He heard a gaggle of people - girls, mostly - leaving one of the buildings to his right. Class must have been let out around now, and he watched the group speculatively. He enjoyed this - _people watching, _as they called it - and was licking his lips at one of the leggy blondes with a fancy scarf wrapped around her neck when he caught another blonde walking straight to the library doors in front of him. _Emma. _

He grinned, and watched her striding across the courtyard - no time for foolishness, clearly. He remembered earlier this morning, and licked his lips thinking of her delicious pancakes. He glanced at his sketches and the buildings around him, resigned to the fact that they were not speaking to his muse today. He made a decision and stood up, slinging his bag across his chest and followed Emma Swan into the library.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Thank you all so much for following this story, and thank you even more to those who took the time to review. Truly, I appreciate it. There won't be a lot of flashbacks in this story but I felt this one was necessary, and keep in mind that right now these are just intros to the characters - we have many chapters for them to be fully explained, including their relationships!

Again, this chapter is unbeta'd so forgive any mistakes you may see. I tried my best! =)

Chapter 3 is a doozy, and it's entirely our two favorite people - I just adore it, personally.

Until next time! You can find me on tumblr ( caishakalianah) or PM here with questions - reviews always appreciated.

~Caisha


	3. The Library

**Disclaimer: **The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's _Once Upon a Time's _intellectual property.

**Half of My Heart**

_**"Do not be afraid; our fate**_

_**Cannot be taken from us; it is a gift." **_

_**-Dante Alighieri, The Inferno**_

"Hey Jessica, are you going to the Coyote bar tonight? They're doing free ladies night, which means body shots, heyooo." The girl raised her arms in a small twirl motion, apparently oblivious to the professor in the front.

Emma rolled her eyes at the girl's statement, wishing the clock would just move faster; she had projects and readings to do already, one week into the semester. She had a meeting with her law advisor later in the afternoon, so she had to use her time today wisely. The professor went on about the readings, but she couldn't focus with the gaggle of women in front of her. How was she supposed to focus with all those people talking at once?

All around her the classmates got up, and she took the cue to leave, tucking her laptop into her bag and walking out into the courtyard. She was lucky the library was so close, and scurried toward the double doors; Emma absolutely loved this building - it housed so much knowledge, but secretly it was gorgeous and sometimes she would just stand and look at the quotes - reading them again, even though she had done that same thing over and over for the past three years.

She sighed and went in, walking directly to the elevator and taking it to the third floor. She was supposed to pull some cases in order to study precedent or something, but she had kind of tuned out when her advisor had mentioned it; oh well, she had it written down somewhere - she was reliable in that way, at least. Tapping her foot, the elevator finally reached the third floor - it was notoriously slow, but the stairs were hidden in a darker corner of the library that she just preferred not to enter. Walking back to her little corner office, or so she loved to call it, she slung her bag on the cold wood. This was definitely the best place in the library to be, no one was ever here or bothered her if they were - plus, for some reason the chairs here were way more comfortable than the ones on the other floors.

Speaking of comfort, she decided to lounge for a bit and get her head on straight after the snooze fest of a class and the annoying women that filed out of it. She swiped her phone, punching in the security code, and saw several texts from Neal.

_How's class babe?_

_Wanna meet after?_

_Emma answer me_

Emma rolled her eyes - he knew she was in class, why was he being so overbearing recently? She typed out an explanation of _library, then advisor meeting - sorry, love you!_

Putting her phone back on the table, she turned sideways in the chair, dangled her legs over the armrests, and closed her eyes.

* * *

Once Killian entered the library, he had to pause a moment to get his bearings. As an architecture student, most of his time was spent in the drawing labs in their own building, high at the top of the tower - isolated, but with great views. He had honestly never ventured in here before - just admired it from the outside. Having no idea where Emma had gone off to, he decided to do what any uncertain college male would do...ask the lovely little librarian - who just so happened to be eye-fucking him right now.

He smirked and walked towards her, noting her brown waves of hair and sparkling blue eyes. Quite the contrast, and lovely skin...he shook the thoughts out of his head. "Hello darling, do you know where one might find a criminal justice student? I seem to have lost him on the way inside."

Best keep it under wraps that he was looking for a female, as Killian wasn't too sure she'd be as willing to help him find her competition. Not that Emma ever had to worry, he mused - but the girl didn't know that.

She smiled, eyelashes fluttering a bit as she told him it was likely the 3rd floor, where all the legal treatises and cases were stored. He nodded his thanks, and walked away before she could give him her number.

He stepped off the elevator on the third floor, and looked around - utterly lost, no sense of his bearings. He wandered a bit, drawn to what he assumed was the northern part of the building, and caught a flash of gold hair; smiling, he noted she was curled up in some oversized study chair, he laptop bag unopened on the desk. Her phone rested on her stomach and she was clearly in the zone. He took a few moments to drink in her peacefulness, which was so rare for Emma, before interrupting.

"Well, well, well...if it isn't the Swan, relaxing."

He saw her go rigid in the chair, but kept her eyes closed. "What on earth are you doing here, Jones? I thought we had enough interaction this morning, and met our quota for the entire week."

He decided not to comment on the fact that she knew it was him just by the sound of his voice, but it did things to him nonetheless.

He tsk'd at her and shook his head, "There there, darling- no need to get snarky. I was in the courtyard attempting to fire my muse up again, to no avail. I saw you fleeing for cover in the library, and decided to take a bit of a break. Good conversation can spark inspiration, you know."

"Since when do we have good conversations? Most of the time our interactions consist of you making inappropriate comments, and me telling you to go away." Killian scoffed a bit, and plopped down in the chair opposite of her.

"You know, Swan, we have been acquaintances for three years now - I think we maybe admit to a small friendship - good conversations and all."

Emma finally opened her eyes and looked at him. She expected to see his signature cheeky look and grin, but instead was met with a far more serious staring contest as he locked her eyes. It was hard for her to blink, much less talk; but she did anyway.

"We have good a proxy-friendship, but I wouldn't say you and I are friends, Jones." At that sentence, Killian broke eye contact and she noted how uncomfortable he seemed with her statement.

"I guess you've made yourself clear then, I'll go bother someone else. Have a good day, Swan." He got up to go, and as he walked by Emma grabbed his hand.

"I'm sorry, that was rude of me. You don't have to go." She spoke softly, as if she was scared he would accept and sit back down, but also scared that he wouldn't.

Killian was shocked, not so much by her apology - she was always an honorable little thing - but by her physical contact. Her hand grasped his, firm but gentle - enough to say stay while also telling him it was okay to go. He smiled to himself at the thought of even Emma's hands being contradictory.

"Thank you, darling. Now, what are you doing in the library so early into the semester?" He still hadn't moved, so her hand was still around his and she couldn't bring herself to separate them. Emma's heart beat just a little bit faster, but she licked her lips and looked up at his question.

His stare was boring into her again, but the smile was there and negated the possible awkwardness. "I have a meeting with my law advisor, and he's having me do some case research before hand," she replied, pulling her hand away as she sat up.

"That is a bit strange for an application process, why is he doing that?" Killian clenched and unclenched the hand she had let go, shaking it a bit as if trying to wake it up from the dream it just had.

Emma shrugged, and pulled out the case number she was supposed to read up on. "No idea, but I figured it was a good idea to familiarize myself with the process of reviewing precedent now, instead of in the middle of my first semester in law school." She got up and started toward the stacks, checking the guides on the side of the rows.

"What are we looking for in particular?" Killian asked, his voice normal but close to her ear; definitely invading her personal space.

Emma jumped a bit at his proximity, but shrugged it off, "A Supreme Court case regarding anticipatory warrants, was fairly recent - just a few years ago. It's No. 04-1414 - United States vs Grubbs." She kept walking, ignoring his presence - and found the row she was looking for.

Killian made very little pretense at helping her search, as he didn't have a lot of library experience that didn't involve bodies pressed against the shelves, or noises from study rooms. Instead, he just watched her face roam the shelves, saw the way she silently spoke the words she was looking for. He smiled, sure it was subconscious, but every bit as adorable as it could possibly be- not that he would ever say that to her; it would surely gain her ire and disrupt the calm peace treaty they had right now. Ire he loved, especially with Emma, but he found himself reveling in the truce they were experiencing right then.

"Found it!" She exclaimed, surprising him with her gleefulness. He returned her smile and moved to allow her to pass, waving her back to her corner.

She dropped the book on the table, not really caring if it made a loud noise as absolutely no one was up here at the moment - too early in the semester. Adjusting her chair, she pulled out her laptop as Killian slid into the chair opposite of her again, propping his feet against the window ledge.

"Are you just going to stare at me while I work or something?" She asked, side-eyeing him.

He grinned and pulled out his sketchbook, waving it in front of her. "No lass, I'll be doing something productive - have to get the imagination going. My senior design project has to have a good foundation soon and I just don't know where to begin."

They worked in silence for awhile, Killian's charcoal pencil moving across the heavy paper as Emma's fingers typed away on her laptop, both faces set in concentration. A small set of beeps interrupted the quiet, and Emma snatched her phone, checking the message she was sure was from Neal.

_library already? Don't be so boring, lets go out later_

She sighed loudly, and didn't bother to respond; he was always making her feel guilty for the time she spent on her studies. He knew how important they were to her, but this last year it was getting worse - maybe he was scared she'd leave him once she graduated, but he just kept denying anything was wrong and it frustrated her endlessly.

Killian watched her face go from content to annoyed to sad, all within a minute of receiving the text. "What's with the change in feelings, Swan?"

Emma looked over at him, still so calm and relaxed, "It was just Neal. He's upset I'm already in the library working, he says I'm being boring. It's a common complaint he has for me lately, and sometimes it gets to me that he thinks that. He knows I love him." She shook her head, and looked cautiously back at Killian's face.

He was watching her, mulling over how best to approach what she shared. He had been offended by her "proxy-friendship" comment even if it was said in anger, and wanted to show her he could be more than that. "I'm sure Neal is just frustrated - you had all summer together, and now you're preparing to go to law school next year. He'll have to learn patience for that, maybe this year will be good practice." He cringed at the generic advice he was giving her, but it was the best he could do in the situation.

Emma looked at him, considering what he said, "Thanks, I'm sure you're right. We'll talk when I see him tonight."

At that, she resumed her typing and Killian flipped to a new page in his sketchbook. She kept looking at him from under her lashes, and he tried his best to be a gentleman and not call her out on the perusal - but internally he was positively radiating at her actions.

Emma was mulling over his advice as she worked, wondering why he was taking an interest all of a sudden. There was always a truce between them when they were alone, but with this morning and now, she wasn't sure what was going on in his head. Perhaps nostalgia, this would be the last year the five of them would be together as a group; it did make her a bit sad.

She saw him moving his hands across the paper, soft strokes combined with firm lines - she wondered what he was sketching now, and if he had his inspiration back. Looking back to her laptop, she noted that since their talk not much had been done; damn him, she thought. Always distracting me. She huffed a bit and rearranged herself in the chair as Killian smiled at her restlessness.

"Something the matter, Swan?" He asked, fingers still moving on the paper as he talked.

She snapped her head to him, annoyed that he noticed so much. Too much really. "Why are you still here, don't you have some barfly to attend to?"

Killian looked at her sharply, "No, I do not. Why do you always default to my dalliances when you're angry with me - is there nothing else you can find to hate me for?"

She broke their eye contact and look down at his hands once more. "I don't know," she whispered. "What are you drawing now?" Emma's voice was a bit stronger, and she held her hand out for the sketchbook.

Killian wasn't sure he should show her, given their last topic of conversation, but it was beginning to get harder and harder to say no to her, as if her voice was wrapping around his heart, controlling him. He sighed and handed the book over to her, deliberately brushing his fingers against hers underneath the book, causing Emma to look up at him.

"I'm supposed to be working on senior design project ideas, but I was having trouble so I thought I'd try something different to take my mind off of it and loosen up the muse." Killian watched her eyes, wondering if she would think she was his muse. Then she looked down at the sketch and confusion filled her face.

On the paper was Emma's profile - well, not really her profile - but her jawline and neck, hair falling around her shoulders. He had been watching her work and couldn't stop his fingers from moving, her jaw was soft but defined and her neck was elegant and soft. He had found himself holding his hand back to keep from brushing his fingers along her pulse points to feel her heartbeat speed up. Killian knew that letting her see the sketch was perhaps going too far, showing too much, but the way she looked at him...he could deny her nothing at this point.

Emma finally moved her eyes from the sketch, catching him deep in thought. "Since when did my neck become a building structure?" Raising her eyebrows at him - she knew she had to keep the situation light, as the charged looks he was giving her made her feel heavy again.

Killian took the cue, and smiled a bit, shrugging. "It was either that or draw the stacks. I can't help it if I find a lady more intriguing." He winked at her, and the heaviness was gone.

She handed the book back to him, explaining that she had to finish the notes. He held the book in his lap and looked out the window. It had been like this for three years - a continuous back and forth, Emma never trying to see past the other women he had been with, never trying to see him as anything more than an acquaintance - a proxy-friend, he thought with derision.

He wondered if she would ever get past that Halloween, if she would ever look at anyone else the way she looked at Neal, wondered if she would ever see the path that was open to her, if she was even willing to step onto it if she ever saw it.

They had a year. One more year. Sure, they might know each other for longer, but this is the last year they would ever be in close proximity for more than a few days. He found his chest ached at the thought of separating from her. During the last few years, he always knew she'd be with Neal, but since she was always in his presence either way the thought never bothered him too much.

It bothered him now.

He was never one to live in the past, always looking for the future; but now, Killian saw his future - one of casual holiday conversations and forgotten birthdays, of once a year meet ups until they became once every couple of years - and knew that he would end up regretting this one thing. Never fighting for her, never challenging her to see beyond what existed at the moment.

So caught up was he in the moment that he missed her packing up, until she cleared her throat. "I'm headed out, Jones."

He looked up at her, and grabbed her hand as she moved to walk away, still not saying anything; Emma froze and looked down as he brought her hand up and kissed it. She could feel the slight tickle of his scruff, but more importantly she could feel how soft his lips were, how they lingered for a few seconds before he pulled them away.

"You could never be boring, Swan." At that, he raised his eyes and locked with hers for a moment, watching her reaction and wondering if she would make the connection to Neal's earlier comments.

Emma caught her breath at his statement. So quiet, but so firm - as if he needed to say much more, but held back and instead put all his intentions behind that one sentence. She wanted to break the bubble, wanted it more than anything, as she hated being at the center of something, and his eyes were only on her.

"I...I have to go. My meeting…" she trailed off, hating that she couldn't seem to get her bearings straight.

Killian nodded, getting up and slipping his bag around him once more. "I'll walk you out, lass. Make sure you don't get into any trouble."

His mind told him to take it easy, as she was clearly already pressed against her comfort zone and he was definitely stepping out of line. In the quiet of this library, though, he couldn't seem to stop himself from placing his hand on the small of her back as they walked to the elevator. Neither of them said anything about it, nor did she move away from the gesture. They seemed to have met a calm truce once more, neither one willing to break the silence.

As they entered the elevator, he took his hand away from her back and they looked at each other. He hit the button to take them to the lobby, and his hand reached up to brush some of her golden locks back and run his finger down her neck; softly, as if he might never get another chance.

He took his hand away and smiled at her, "Have a good day, Emma."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Let me know what you think! I adore writing these two together, but it's a long road and we're starting out fairly smooth...

Thank you to colinodonewithyou for reading over this for errors.


	4. The Brothers

**Disclaimer: **The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's _Once Upon a Time's _intellectual property.

**Half of My Heart**

_**"Our job is never to assume-instead to listen, communicate, **_

_**ask questions then ask more, until we know the **_

_**true depth of someone's spirit." **_

_**-Shannon L. Alder**_

The bar was dark despite the time of day, as an establishment such as it was not known for the lighting but rather the lack thereof. It wasn't seedy, not quite, but it was dark and deserted in the daytime, most of its clientele coming in after hours - from either work, or class. It had hardwood floors of dark wood, scuffed up by years of various types of shoes scraping against it - from cowboy boots to heels. Booths lined the edges of the rooms, with dark red leather and plush accommodations; dozens of tables and chairs, with a small corner stage of very little importance except on certain nights of the week.

There was movement in the back storage room, muffled cursing as something hit the floor; daylight flooded into the darkness as Killian pulled the front door open and stepped inside. His mind was racing from his stupidity earlier in the library, and couldn't shake the feeling that the invisible line had been completely erased and his equilibrium was out of order. He berated himself as he walked behind the empty bar and grabbed a shot glass.

He wasn't sure why he ever thought it was a good idea; he had been so cautious the past few years - no touching of any kind. No accidental brushes, gestures - nothing; but then she had grabbed his hand, stopped him from leaving the first time. He knew he should have gone, that was his role in this - be the honorable man, walk away from the complicated situation where feelings weren't even a fact - just a pull of unknown origin that had been scratching at them for years.

Her hand was just so warm. Her demeanor was so often stand-offish to him, so cold - but this, she couldn't put a mask over. The way she had tightly gripped his hand initially, as if she was scared he'd walk away, but not really knowing why.

He poured a shot of cinnamon whiskey and downed it easily. He used to take shots of a very different type of alcohol, but he remembered one night in the bar, when it was just David, Emma, and himself - and they had a shot of Fireball. She had licked her lips for awhile afterwards, making sure each sweet remnant was on her tongue. That was the first time Killian had allowed himself the desire to initiate a kiss - a long, languorous one where he savored the taste of cinnamon and whiskey lingering on her tongue as he sucked on it.

Shaking his head violently, he threw down the shot glass, hearing it shatter on the rubber mat behind the bar.

"What the hell-" David came running in, alarmed at the noise. He had been the one cursing in the storage room, presumably preparing for tonight. He saw Killian standing behind the bar, with both hands on it, head bowed.

Walking cautiously up to him, David put his hand on Killian's back. "Hey man, what are you doing here?" He looked around and saw the broken shards of glass and the opened bottle of cinnamon whiskey. "What's going on?"

Killian shook his head, which turned into shaking David's hand off and moving away from the bar. When he looked up at his friend, he just smiled, "Nothing at all! Do you mind if I help you set up tonight? Plans for the evening fell through."

David watched his friend, obviously certain something was going on. He was also certain that, much like Emma, Killian wouldn't admit to more than he was ready to - so, he set him to work. "Sure, but you better clean all this up first. Don't use your hands."

Killian blinked at him, "What are you, my dad now? I know not to use my hands...bloody hell."

David laughed, definitely sure Killian was still himself, and walked back to the storage room. He rarely saw Killian in a pensive mood, so it was unsettling - especially with what happened earlier this morning. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything about it to him, it definitely disrupted their equilibrium. No matter, though; Killian was a man, he could handle it. He'll come to me in time, if he needed it.

David found himself wishing that Liam was more available, as some things are just easier to talk about with your brother. Even though he was Killian's best friend, he suspected that the conflicting emotions today weren't something he could talk about with him just yet.

A knock at the door brought him out of the thoughts, and Killian stood there with a smile back on his face, "All cleaned up, sorry about that. I'll pay for the glass if you prefer - what else do you need of me?"

David shook his head, "No need, but can you help carry these kegs to the bar? We're going to need to get these set up - we were running low at the end of last night."

Killian nodded, and moved to pick up the closest one. As he carried several to the bar, he noted that David was keeping silent - which was all well and good, except that it forced Killian to be alone with his thoughts.

Liam would tell him to stop beating around the bush and make himself clear to someone, probably Emma. The only problem was that he wasn't really sure what he could tell her - _hi, I know we have a tense history but I have the sudden need to fuck you on the corner study table in the library, let's go steady?_

He scoffed. As much as that was true, he would never complicate her life just for sex - not that she would allow that, but he had a feel she'd close herself off even more at just the mention of it with Killian. She already thinks he's just a surface level porn god. He laughed out loud at the thought. _I'd use my special gifts with her, she'd appreciate it._

No, he definitely had to take his time and figure himself out - he only had a year, and the only thing he knew right now was that the small touches they had earlier warmed his body and heart, and he craved more of them. He was sure this was one of those decisions that caused profound change, and was worried it would be for the worse.

If there was one thing he knew about Emma Swan, it was that she valued stability and loyalty over all else - and here he was, ready to rock the boat on all levels. Lovely.

"So are you going to tell me what's been rattling in your head for the past half hour, or why I found you with a shattered shot glass and a bottle of whiskey on the bar?" David's voice was a few steps away from him, and Killian sighed as he turned around.

"I'm just trying to sort some things out, I had an interesting run in today in the courtyard and I'm not really sure what to do with it. I don't deal well with complications." Killian dropped his head a bit and looked away - David was staring him down and he was afraid his friend would notice too much - make too many connections.

"Well, with my superb credentials of bartender and third year psychology student I must tell you that it is okay to wait, but you'll eventually need to tell me before you explode."

"Are you supposed to tell your patients they'll explode if they don't talk to you?"

David grinned, "No, but I'll tell my friend whatever I damn well please."

"It seems you're learning, bartender. Take a shot before we open?" Killian pulled down a bottle of spiced rum, but David noticed that his eyes kept going to the whiskey bottle.

David waved him to shut up and pour, climbing onto the bar stool and leaning on the wood. Killian poured two quick shots and handed one to David.

"So what are we drinking to?" David asked. Killian looked at him, thinking.

"To a life with darkness and light, and hoping it is all worth it."

They touched the glasses together and swallowed the rum, Killian's face was blank while David's was merely curious. "Cheers, man."

Killian had enough of the seriousness and punched David's shoulder, "Hey man, make sure that is the last one you have tonight, this morning was disastrous and I like my toilet puke-free, thank you very much."

David glared at him, "It was the first Thirsty Thursday of the semester, hangovers are practically a requirement."

He rolled his eyes, "Hangovers maybe, but not to the point of upchucking. What are you, 16? How exactly did you beat us on that front anyway, we started hours before you."

David rubbed his face with his hand, remembering last night as his shift ended - just after midnight. Mary Margaret and the gang had been at one of the booths, just drinking and having a good time - he had to drink water during his shift, but as soon as it was over he downed a few tequilas before heading over with his first rum and coke in hand.

Mary Margaret had been exuberant as always, pushing herself into his arms and immediately tasting the left over tequila. This had caused a number of cat calls, mainly from Neal, who had bloodshot eyes and roaming hands already. Fortunately for him, he could hold his liquor well - he said it was years of practice for work, but David thought it might be a bit more serious of an issue.

David felt a slap on the back of his head and was brought back to reality, "Ow, what the hell man?"

"You had that look on your face!"

"WHAT look?"

Killian rolled his eyes, "That gooey 'I am so fucking in love' face. We're having a girl-free moment, let's enjoy it."

David laughed and Killian's brow furrowed, "Man, if you only knew how often you had that look on your face you wouldn't be talking right now."

Alarmed, Killian took a few steps back, "What are you talking about? I'm not in love."

"In love or not, you get that look on your face too. The only difference is I don't know why. Maybe Liam does, should I ask him next time he calls?" David grinned at the scowl on Killian's face.

"Don't go putting thoughts into his head, I'll never hear the end of it."

"I know it's a ways off, but do you think he'll be able to be here for graduation?" David grabbed the empty shot glasses and walked over to the sink.

"Not sure yet, he put in for the weekend off, but you never know how that will work out." Killian shook his head, he really hoped his brother would be able to make it - he had missed so much of Killian's college experience. While Killian wasn't upset, he still wanted his last family member to be there for his graduation. It's what they would have wanted.

He walked back into the storage room, grabbing the mop bucket to clean down the bar area. The main bar might be wood, but it is just idiotic to have it behind the actual bar. He laughed quietly to himself, thinking of earlier this summer when Liam was able to visit last. Fortunately for Killian, only David was around to meet the infamous second Jones brother - he was always busy, usually in the middle of some sea or ocean, but never anywhere you could speak to him for any significant length of time.

They kept up the rather strange correspondence of letters, and Liam called when he could - all together strange, since before college Liam was around constantly; though, that was probably more to do with legal issues than anything else. That and Liam didn't want Killian being raised by strangers.

He always refused to be picked up at the airport, and met them at the bar David's dad owned; The Kingdom. Liam had cackled a good bit at the name, but over the years it had grown on Killian to the point where he staunchly defended it. "You're quite the white knight, little brother," Liam had quipped. "Although normally they defended the honor of the ladies of the realm, is that something you do?"

Killian had moved swiftly from that line of questioning, since it always led to awkward conversations about how he needed to be careful, not get swindled into a situation with a woman out for his money. He hated those conversations with Liam - for one, he was quite responsible and two, not all women were like that and he hated generalizations.

Either way, the first thing David heard from Liam's mouth was that his dad's bar was stupidly named. Of course, David was well equipped to handle a Jones and quickly came back with colorful comments about how Navy men like to spend their time.

Killian had just sat back, watching their interaction, letting it flow naturally; he had wished that Emma and Mary Margaret could have met Liam, but they had both left the city for the summer - Emma was with Neal in NYC and Mary Margaret was visiting family. David had to stay here to help his dad - it was tentatively his last summer as bartender, since they were graduating and hopefully getting jobs or internships by next year.

"Killian, you planning on mopping this place down anytime soon? You've been standing there for a few minutes." David waved his hand in front of his best friend.

Killian snapped out of his thoughts, "Sorry, all this talk about Liam had me remembering when you two met - love at first insult, yes?" He grinned and jumped away from David's violent tendency to hit first, talk later. "You know, for two people who don't share blood ties you and Emma have a remarkable tendency to act the exact same way - what is with all the hitting and violence?"

"Can't speak for Emma, but maybe you're just an ass."

"Well that isn't exactly a colorful word, perhaps we'll go with _scoundrel_. Yes, I rather like the sound of that," he smiled a bit. "Killian Jones, scoundrel."

David rolled his eyes; he had promised Liam he would look out for his brother, but lately it seemed that Killian had set his eyes on something unknown to even David - his best friend. He was slightly concerned, but when Killian wanted to hide something then there wasn't much he could do except hope he would turn to David before it was too late.

"Oh good, you're here already." At the sound of the gravelly voice, David turned to look at his father. Cold and stern, he sometimes wondered how he had children at all - but then, being a bar owner would create that tendency over time he supposed.

"Hey dad, what do you need?" He always needed something - never talked to David unless he did.

"Oh, James decided to call in tonight so we don't have a bouncer at the door. Do you know anyone available?"

Killian set the mop's handle against the bar and walked over, "I don't mind helping out, Mr. Nolan - I've not much going on tonight."

Mr. Nolan turned to his son's friend, skeptical. "Not really the bouncer type, are you?"

"I know my way around conflict, sir, and I can do the math on birthdays as well as anyone." Killian bristled - he may not be burly, but he had strength on his frame and welcomed any man to challenge him on that; even David's father.

Mr. Nolan hummed a bit, then acquiesced. "Fine, they'll start filing in around 6:30 - we'll probably need you to work until eleven when the next shift comes in." At that, he walked off leaving David to meet Killian's eyes; Killian just rolled them and shrugged.

"He's your dad mate, not mine. I'll just remember that." He jabbed David in the stomach a bit before grabbing the mop handle and finishing up behind the bar.

* * *

A few hours later, Killian was sitting in the high barstool at the entrance, waving people in as he cursorily checked ids. There was a reason The Kingdom was so popular with college kids - very lax on the id checking, but no one drunk ever drove home - the bar had a standing order of cabs with prearranged fees - so it wasn't a place that the cops ever focused on too much.

He did use some discretion, if it was clear the people were in high school - he drew the line at college students. As he looked back up at the line, he saw Emma's face being dragged behind an eager Neal. She looked a bit harried, as if she wasn't really up for the bar scene a second night.

When they came up to Killian, he caught her eye, taking their ids and studying them for far longer than necessary. He handed Neal's id back with no worries, and he immediately strode towards the bar. For Emma, though, Killian decided to take the special flashlight to check the validity of her license.

Emma glared and tapped her foot, "Jones, come on let me go in. This is a little ridiculous."

"Ah, I don't know about that, Swan." He looked at her, watching her eyes as she registered that he had reverted back to her surname. No reaction, but definite recognition; _got ya, Swan_. "You look suspicious, I just wanted to be thorough on my first night."

"What are you even doing here, you've never worked for Mr. Nolan!" She huffed, and Killian had no idea why she was so exasperated with him.

"Just doing a favor, lass. What has you all in a tizzy this evening, did someone get you all riled up earlier?" His eyes twinkled a little bit at the allusion to their earlier meeting in the library.

Emma pushed her hair back, ignoring him as she snatched the id back and walked to where Neal was. Halfway there, she looked back at him, "Only one person gets me riled up, Jones. And it isn't you." At that she wrapped her arm around Neal's neck and gave him a hard kiss.

Killian ignored the people waiting in line, and watched her.

_Game on, Miss Swan._

* * *

**Author's Note: **Hey again! Thanks for your reviews, hopefully I responded to most of them - I like talking =P I just wanted to note since I haven't before, that these settings are based entirely upon my experiences as else I would have had to do some research on another college area and just blech, I wanted to write Captain Swan! So anything to do with bars, colleges, apartments, etc. are probably based on my reality in college and other places. Write what you know, you know!? =)

Thank you again to colinodonewithyou, who soothes my worries about these chapters. If there are mistakes, they're still mine, because I can't help tweaking.


	5. The Playlist

**Disclaimer:**The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's _Once Upon a Time's_intellectual property.

**Half of My Heart**

"_**I didn't want anybody seeing my fire until I burned them with it."**_

_**-Cameron Conaway**_

She felt his hands brush against her neck, the warmth of his calloused fingers paralyzing her. She almost didn't register he had removed them until she heard his whispered, "Have a good day, Emma," as the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened.

Killian held his hand out for her to go first, and though her brain wasn't quite working her body sure was and she stepped quickly away from him. He snapped a brief bow in her direction before leaving the library and leaving Emma bereft of words.

_Emma. _The sound of her name on his lips was so rare, she mulled over the taste like a fine wine. He had always kept his distance before, ever since that stupid Halloween party freshman year, and she supposed that calling her Emma was just a bit too familiar for him. Or, maybe he was just retaliating since she just called him Jones or that other nickname. She never gave it too much thought.

Why was he even here? She knew that whole "inspiration" excuse was just a load of crap, and Killian was too smooth for his own good; she didn't trust him - but oh, she found herself _wanting _to. After all this time, she was just tired of always keeping her guard up in his company. It had gotten ridiculous, quite frankly.

Maybe it was time to make the most of their last year as a group, and for that she'd have to let Killian in a bit. _Just a tiny crack, though, _she thought. Charged moments and pretty words aside, he was still someone who took women home and never saw them after that. It wasn't as if that was a horrible thing really, but Emma just didn't trust men like that - her whole life was spent not trusting men like that, who had no regard for the past and their actions.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a string of soft beeps coming from her phone. Several people threw her annoyed glances - she smiled in apology, as she was in a library - and walked outside to answer it.

"Hello?"

_"Hey Ems, you done being boring library girl for today?"_

Emma rolled her eyes again - Neal. "I just left, but if you could stop calling me _boring library girl _that would be great. You know how important my studies are, we've talked about this. If you're not going to go back to sch-"

_"Whoa, Ems! Slow down. Sorry I got you riled up, or well..not sorry for you being riled up..I can apologize for that later. I didn't mean to insult you, baby. You know that."_

"Thank you, it just didn't hit me right when you said that." Emma readjusted her bag and started walking towards the advisory building, she couldn't keep standing there or she'd be late.

_"Sorry babe, won't happen again. I was calling to see if you wanted to go to Kingdom tonight?"_

She huffed, "Oh Neal, again? We were just there last night, I'd like a night off."

_"Pleaaaase? I've got some buddies who want to meet up, and you know how my boys love you."_

Rolling her eyes, Emma reluctantly agreed.

_"Great! I'll pick you up at 9. Love you, Ems."_

Emma just grunted and ended the call. A few minutes later she was sitting in her law advisor's office, and he was questioning her on her research.

"So, this was your first case to review, was it not Miss Swan?" He looked over at her on the other side of his desk.

Emma cleared her throat, "Yes sir, we've discussed current cases in my classes, but I've never read a full court case record."

"Interesting. Well, though it isn't part of your admissions process it will look good to the professors' council when they review it that you've spent a large amount of time analyzing briefs. It should also get you into the mindset for when you take the LSATs this December. You are still taking them then, correct?"

"Yes, I won't be able to do the session in October so December is my last shot for this round of admissions really." Emma looked at him in the eyes, slightly nervous, but extremely confident in her abilities.

"That is definitely pushing it, but as long as you prepare well you should do fine. Your GPA and outside activities are in perfect form, you just have to be in a high enough percentile for them to accept you without much issue. So, may I ask what you thought about the ruling you reviewed?"

She cleared her throat, "I felt that the ruling was rationalized well against the constitutional claims. Anticipatory search warrants are a new concept, and this was an excellent case to argue for their constitutionality." She hesitated a bit, wanting to go on.

"Indeed, but I sense you have something else to say?"

"Yes sir, while the case was not an ideal poster child for morality, I have to wonder at the use of the undercover officer."

"Intriguing, why?" He leaned forward a bit, resting his chin on his hands as he looked at her with piercing gray eyes.

"Well, cases like these always bring up the question of entrapment. This man was posing as a marketer of child pornography at the post office, and sold it to the defendant who previously had no charges or suspicions on his record of child pornography. I guess if I were his lawyer, I'd have tried to argue on the entrapment issue rather than the search warrant."

The advisor just leaned back in his chair and watched her in silence. After a minute, he just smiled at her, "I like the way you think, Miss Swan! You will be a fabulous lawyer. Now, let's schedule another appointment for a few months down the road to talk about your LSAT preparation and admissions essays."

Emma let out a loud breath, and thanked him for his time and compliment.

She hurried to the bus stop, really needing the quiet of her apartment after the day she had. First breakfast, then the library, then weird advisor dude - the trifecta of _oh lord, what is happening?_

* * *

The door slammed and rattled some of the photographs on the wall in the entryway, photos of her and Neal and their friends, of Mary Margaret and David - of Emma's family. She slipped her keys on the hook and slipped her bag and shoes off.

She saw the bit of black hair resting over the couch and padded over, flopping her body down into the plush cushion.

Mary Margaret looked over from the book she was reading, and straightened up a bit, pulling her legs closer - Emma naturally just laid down and put her head in her lap. She felt hands brush through her hair, and Mary Margaret kept quiet, kept reading her book.

This had been a common situation for the past few years, Emma sometimes gets overwhelmed - usually when something unusual happens in her life - and needs her quiet time. It had evolved a bit to where Mary Margaret would tune into her maternal instincts and just comfort her during these moments.

Emma felt her eyes well up slightly, moisture spilling out and down her cheeks. Not convulsive tears, but the tears that stemmed from utter confusion. The hand that moved down her head and hair was so different than the hand that had stroked her neck and held her hand earlier, but she found herself yearning for it all the same.

"Do you think I'm boring?" Emma's voice asked into the silence, soft but enough for Mary Margaret to catch.

Her hand stilled a bit, "No, Emma. You could never be boring."

Those words echoed into Emma's mind, she had heard those earlier today from the unexpected lips of Killian Jones; at the thought, her confused tears became angry tears. What right did he have to act like that, after all these years? He was just upsetting their equilibrium because it was fun, he took pleasure out of messing with her mind. There was no other explanation.

Emma huffed and sat up, forcefully wiping away her angry tears.

"What's wrong, Emma?" Mary Margaret knew not to ask if she was okay - that was clear from her face.

She just shook her head, not willing to talk about it, so Mary Margaret asked instead if she was going to the bar tonight.

"Yeah, Neal asked me to go with him and his buddies." Mary Margaret looked at her, thinking that she should probably stay home tonight but knowing Emma wouldn't change her mind at this point - whatever was affecting her wasn't going to win, that much was for certain.

"Well, if that's the case, then do you want to help me make dinner? It's tacosssssss!" Emma laughed at the little shimmy Mary Margaret did and nodded.

"Great! You wash up then get started on the meat, I'll get the rest of the stuff chopped up."

Emma walked over to their ipod+speakers doc and selected their playlist. It didn't need to be said that they would be listening to the music of their generation right now, it was just automatic that this playlist was to be started when they cooked. Emma called it her "Shower Playlist" - bunch of poppy ballads that have nothing but nostalgia tagged into them.

_Mum mum mmm mum mum mah_

_Mum mum mmm mum mum mah_

_Mum mum mmm mum mum mah_

_Mum mum mmm mum mum mah_

Mary Margaret started laughing, passing their utensil mic to Emma - knowing this was her song if it was anyone's. Emma started singing,

_Love game intuition play the cards with spades to start_

_And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart_

Emma twirled a bit, her anger and confusion forgotten as she put salt and pepper into the ground beef, mixing it up with other spices as Mary Margaret grated the cheese. This song always clicked with her, and she remembered driving David up the wall with it in high school. He never understood her love of Gaga, but that was okay - because Mary Margaret did and that was all she needed.

She wasn't sure why Killian kept engaging with her today, but knowing she was going out with Neal tonight made her feel better - a nice refuge from the craziness, and being with Neal was safe and calm. She'd make sure that Killian could never -

_Can't read my_

_Can't read my_

_No he can't read my poker face_

She giggled at her timing, and continued mixing the meat up with her freshly washed hands.

Mary Margaret had taken over singing with Lady Gaga, her lilting voice a beautiful contrast to Emma's soft silk. She was glad she could distract Emma for a little bit, as Mary Margaret was quite worried about her friend. David had called her earlier and mentioned that he had caught Killian with his thoughtful face on after Emma left and wanted to know if anything had happened, and then Emma came home in that state...it was enough to concern any friend.

She put the cheese into the bowl and took the tomatoes to start chopping them up - Emma was still in the dancing zone, probably waiting for her lines. This was a definite favorite of the two ladies. Mary Margaret moved her hips back and forth singing the chorus with Emma, before handing the "mic" back to Emma for the her lines.

_I won't tell you that I love you_

_Kiss or hug you_

_Cause I'm bluffin with my muffin_

_I'm not lying, I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning_

They laughed at the silly lines and kept dancing until the song ended. By this time, Mary Margaret could tell that Emma's mood had lifted and told her she would finish up the taco-making while Emma took a shower and got ready for Neal.

Emma kissed her friend's cheek and hugged her. It was only one song - a simple, silly song - but sometimes that was all that you needed when you were with uncomplicated friends. She was optimistic that whatever she faced later that night or further down the road, she would be strong.

* * *

_**One Week Later, Friday**_

_The Kingdom _was just started to fill up that evening, all the college kids were ignoring the hangovers they woke up with that morning from Thirsty Thursdays to crawl back to their favorite bars on Friday evenings. There was also a good spattering of young professionals, as they tended to call themselves. Killian sat at the bar watching the band set up, smiling as they hooked up their amps and played a few test chords.

It had been his idea, the live music, and it had been wildly successful - if it was only a cover band, so what? They loved it, and when they took breaks there was karaoke to be had - drunk college kids loved karaoke.

He called over to David and asked him for a rum and coke. "Hey man can you also get me a gin and tonic? Thanks bro."

Killian rolled his eyes, the voice belonged to Neal and was getting closer. Sure enough, Neal sat down besides Killian and gave him the nod. He ignored him for awhile, his eyes landing on their corner booth; everyone knew that that booth was theirs on busy nights, for their group.

David came back with their drinks and they thanked him, but he was too busy to really spend much time talking; Killian wished he could've just made their own drinks, but for legal reasons that wasn't really allowed. They walked over to their corner booth and settled in. Unfortunately, the drinks meant that he would have to make small talk with Neal. "So where's your other half tonight?" Smooth, Killian; small talk means talking about the one thing you don't want to think about? Nice choice.

"Ah she's with M&M, they're doing girly shit or something, will be around later." Neal leaned back and watched Killian, who had his eyes everywhere but the guy he was talking to. "So, let's talk about that hot brunette last week."

"Let's not, Neal."

"Ah come on man, let me live vicariously! I love Emma, but sometimes the women you bring home just make a guy want to drool. How do you get them? Do you have an elephant dick or something?" Neal laughed at his own jokes, while Killian cringed.

He really despised being alone with Neal, who never seemed to have any sort of filter and the type of guy he was didn't make that a pleasant experience. "It's bad form really to talk about the my evenings with the ladies like that, sir. Excuse me, I think I need something else from the bar."

Killian got up, ignoring Neal's incredulous expression; he was never one to talk about his experiences, but he didn't hide them either - apparently some women found him a good choice when they wanted a good encounter without the trashy experience.

He flagged another bartender and ordered a shot of fireball; he was a masochist, this he was well aware.

Right after he downed the shot, he felt a female presence sit down beside him and lean in slightly, facing his body. "Hey, you're Killian, right?"

He looked at her and smiled, "Correct, lass. How'd you know?"

She blushed a bit, "The girls talk about you a lot, how you're here all the time and how you're the perfect image of tall, dark, and handsome."

"Why that is quite flattering, darling - thank you. Are you here alone or with other beautiful friends?" He winked at the secret compliment.

As Killian kept chatting with the woman at his side, Emma and Mary Margaret walked into the bar, striding right past the usual bouncer without showing him their ids. Emma's eyes instantly landed on Killian's form, noticing his smile - but not a smile for her, just one for the woman at his side. She shook her head, trying to forget the last time she saw him smile like that - it was at _her, _in the library.

That had been a week ago, and she had deliberately avoided all instances of interaction with him since their brief meeting in the bar. She glared at the back of his neck as he laughed and talked with the woman, and it reminded her of all the reasons she had never fully trusted him as a friend. He just did this with everyone - laughed, flirted, smiled, made deep comments and innuendos. He probably even ran his fingers down their necks and called them by their first names, just like he did to Emma.

Just a flirt, not quite worth the trust he apparently wanted from her. She decided to ignore it and walked over to their booth to sit with Neal, Mary Margaret already getting comfortable. Emma tucked into Neal's side with her head on his shoulder as they chatted together quietly about their day.

Neal just had a simple job as a security guard during the day for some watch store, so Emma was able to see him most evenings. She enjoyed that he had a regular job; they had talked about him going to school, but it just didn't seem to suit him so he spent most of his free time with Emma.

"Hey, why don't I go get you ladies some drinks? First round is on me." Emma smiled up and kissed his lips quickly in thanks as he scooted out and walked away to the bar.

As soon as he left, Killian walked up with his usual rum and coke, and slid into the side of the booth that was opposite from Emma. He greeted them, Mary Margaret much more enthusiastic with her greeting than Emma was with hers.

"Well hey Killian, how was your week?" Mary Margaret decided to ask, since Emma was clearly not interested in the conversation now that Neal had left.

"Was quite good, thank you. I was able to find a lot of inspiration last week and submitted my first building design draft for the senior year project." Killian watched Emma's face as he spoke that sentence, wondering if she would show any emotion at his reference. She didn't.

"That's really good to hear! I know you were a bit concerned about it this summer. Well my first few weeks have been fairly boring, we haven't even seen the schools yet!" Mary Margaret was in the last year of her primary education degree, and as a result her classes would be mostly on actual elementary campuses for field work.

Killian hummed a bit and returned her excitement, even though he was more focused on Emma. After a few moments the three fell into silence as Killian just sipped his rum, eyes still on Emma - and Emma's still on anyone but Killian.

Neal came back with the ladies' orders, and Killian heard the first few rifts of a song being played by the cover band behind them.

He found himself smiling, glad that the band had a beautifully voiced female lead singer to do this song justice - he supposed that was why they even bothered trying to play it. He leaned back as the first lines floated through, watching as Emma leaned back into Neal's embrace as she talked with Mary Margaret.

_Something always brings me back to you_

_It never takes too long_

_No matter what I say or do_

_I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone_

Killian closed his eyes, not ashamed to admit this song had been close to his heart for quite awhile; no matter how manly he was purported to be, he appreciated beauty in all its forms - and Sara Bareilles' song was beautiful. He hummed as the next lines came through and opened his eyes to find that Emma was staring at him with hooded eyes. He locked stares with her and without much thought mouthed the next lines, that held more meaning than even Killian would admit, hoping she would understand what he didn't even grasp just yet.

_You hold me without touch_

_You keep me without chains_

_I never wanted anything so much_

_Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain_

She stared at his mouth, hearing the words come from his voice as if he was actually singing it, only vaguely aware that the singer was actually female. She tried to ignore it, knowing he was just messing with her head again - but…

_I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity_

She shook her head, _damn, what was with this song? _She glared at him as he continued to stare at her, his lips stilled and she wondered if it was a calculated decision that the band was playing_ Gravity _right now; she wouldn't put it past him. Emma looked up at Neal and Mary Margaret, who seemed to be involved in a deep discussion about the local IPAs in Boston and were ignoring the two quiet people at their sides. Neal's arm hooked around her shoulder and she leaned into him, breaking contact with Killian's intensity, but she couldn't escape the words surrounding her.

_You loved me 'cause I'm fragile_

_When I thought that I was strong_

_But you touch me for a little while_

_And all my fragile strength is gone_

Emma let the words wash over her, trying to shake their truth from her bones - his touch melted whatever coldness she had, and it always had; there was a reason she avoided being alone or in close proximity to him - he left her wary. Even though Killian did this with most women - unabashed flirting, the ability to make it seem as if she was the only one he really wanted - there was no denying he was _damn good at it, _and it was hard for Emma to remember that it was all just an act_. _She snuck a glance at him and he started mouthing words again to her.

_I live here on my knees _

_As I try to make you see_

She glared at him, and tried to push herself into the others' conversation on beer varieties, but she felt Killian's foot graze the tip of her shoe and knew it wasn't an accident. Just the desperate need to be in physical contact with her, since he couldn't very well grab her hand without seeming suspicious - but this only served to haunt Emma's thoughts, _what game was he playing?_

_You're everything I think_

_I need here on the ground_

_But you're neither friend nor foe_

_Though I can't seem to let you go_

At that last line he broke their contact, abruptly getting up to walk towards the offices in the back. He never once glanced back at her as she felt the last lines drift towards her.

He hadn't seemed to be upset, and she certainly hadn't done anything to provoke such a response. Emma felt he was being childish - who actually mouths lyrics to people in bars? In front of their boyfriends and roommates, and _brothers? _Either he was enjoying messing with her, or was playing a very dangerous game - and Killian usually didn't dive into the dangerous side of life.

_Something always brings me back to you_

_It never takes too long_

Emma scoffed at the last lines, knowing that once people left they were gone for good - she knew from first hand experience. Her birth parents, foster parents - all 8 sets of them, her friends in each school when they had learned who she was. They all left her. The only people she had were David, Mary Margaret, and Neal. Killian was never to be trusted, he played with too many hearts.

Even still, the last lines rung in her head as she stared at the black wall where Killian had disappeared to.

She turned to the two chatterboxes, "Hey guys, I'm going to go see if David needs any help." Without waiting for an answer, she slipped out of the booth and walked up to the bar.

She stood there for a few minutes, trying to compose her thoughts and body, before she saw Killian walk back out of the office and directly towards where she stood. Emma's heart beat a little faster, his gaze intent on hers as he somehow knew he'd find here there instead of the booth.

"Oh Hey Killian! Didn't expect to see you here again." Emma's eyes went wide as the girl at her side interrupted their staring contest and she saw his eyes flicker down to the brunette from the previous week, noting his recognition as he walked closer to the two women.

He gave her a half smile before raising his eyes back to Emma's and spoke words that felt like were just for her.

"Apparently I couldn't stop myself, something always brings me back to you." And he broke contact with Emma to wink at the brunette in front of her, effectively dismissing her the way she had so many times before.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Songs used were Poker Face by Lady Gaga and Gravity by Sara Bareilles. I _highly _recommend you listen to Gravity as they are, it should be timed quite well - and it washed me with feels when I wrote it and read it.

If you're confused about Killian and Emma good, you should be. Next chapter will bring the second half of their evening and some shenanigans. This chapter was supposed to be a bit more lighthearted, but dammit. These two.

Thank you to all my followers, likes, and especially the reviewers for taking the time to let me know what you think!

~Caisha


	6. The Bet

**Disclaimer:**The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's _Once Upon a Time's _intellectual property.

**Half of My Heart**

_**"Jealousy is love in competition." **_

_**- Toby Beta**_

_He gave her a half smile before raising his eyes back to Emma's and spoke words that felt like were just for her._

_"Apparently I couldn't stop myself, something always brings me back to you." And he broke contact with Emma to wink at the brunette in front of her, effectively dismissing her the way she had so many times before._

At this, Emma resolved to wash away the strangeness between the two - she was stronger than this, than falling for his smooth lines and smoldering looks. She missed being able to just hang out with her friends without panicking at his proximity.

She hopped off the bar stool and looked to the brunette, smiling sweetly. "Hey, if you're interested our group is over there in the corner - I'm sure Killian would love the company, he always ends up being the fifth wheel and I'm sure he gets tired of it." At that, she shifted her smile to Killian, who had an angry look on his face.

But as she looked at him, his face shifted to acceptance, "That sounds like fun actually, are you up for it lass?" He looked at the brunette, who nodded eagerly. He held out his hand to her, gentleman that he was, and they walked over to the booth where Neal and Mary Margaret were still chatting.

"Hey guys, look who I found!" Killian watched as recognition hit their faces and inwardly laughed a little bit.

Mary Margaret, ever the hostess, beckoned the girl to take a seat and promptly started chatting with her. Before Killian could slide in next to her, Emma aggressively pushed past him and climbed into Neal's lap, attacking his mouth.

Everyone's eyes slid to the couple, surprised by their public display; Emma was always one to keep the PDA to a minimum, especially here where David could see.

And David certainly noticed, but not what you would expect him to - he noticed the way Killian stood frozen in his spot, and the way that as soon as Emma pulled back from Neal's lips her eyes slid covertly towards Killian's frame. Little pieces started to fit into the picture, and he couldn't address it right now - but a talk with his sister was imminent.

Mary Margaret cleared her throat after the little scene, and asked Killian if he intended to sing again tonight. He always ended up singing some swoon-worthy song for the ladies during the karaoke breaks - it was his brand of mass flirtation and foreplay. And judging by the way the brunette's eyes lit up at the proposition, it worked quite well.

"Of course, I wouldn't want to disappoint all my lovely fans." Killian put his fingers under the brunette's chin, placing a soft kiss on her lips. Emma rolled her eyes at the cockiness that oozed out of his body, but knowing she had no right to get upset about it - she had just made out with her boyfriend to make a point that what he was doing didn't affect her.

She felt a bit sick at how she was handling the whole situation, but Neal didn't seem to mind the extra affection.

"Oy, Swan, are you ever going to sing one of these nights? Everyone's done it at least once, except you." His voice forced her to look at him. She couldn't help but glare, and just shook her head.

"Oh come on, babe. It's your last year, eventually you'll have to sing - Killian is right, it's tradition!" Neal was imploring her with the puppy dog face he was so damned good at.

Emma sighed a little, about to give in when she had a delicious thought. "Alright Jones, why don't we play for it?" She nodded over to the elevated section in the bar. Emma knew exactly what she was doing - Killian could never deny a good bet, especially with her.

"Alright then, what shall we say - loser has to sing, winner picks the song?" He raised one eyebrow in challenge.

"You're on, Jones. I have the perfect song, too. You'll love it." Emma knew the only song that could possibly embarrass him; well, it would embarrass anyone, but Killian had a special history with it. She could not lose this bet.

The group slid out of the booth, taking their drinks with them, and moving towards the elevated section that housed a pristine shuffleboard. When people think of bars, they think of music and booze - but everyone always forgets the random dart boards, foosball tables, and occasionally - if you were very lucky - a shuffleboard table. Many disagreements had been settled over this table, especially with this group; they all knew the bet - first to 15 points, no rematch, no best-of-threes, nothing but pure death match.

The brunette looked a little lost, but Neal just pulled a chair out for her and sat down at the small table with Mary Margaret. There were several tables lining the section, but all gave a clear view of the board.

As those three got situated, Killian and Emma took their credit cards out and began salting the board. Salting was a very precise process, and was usually done in silence when the stakes were high - put too much, it threw your game off; too little, it ruined the board and your throws. Luckily, these two had played each other enough over the years that they knew exactly how to salt to the other's contentment.

"What'll it be, love? Red or blue?" Killian asked as she was putting her card away. She looked at his eyes and chose blue without thinking, only later realizing it was because of his eyes - deep blue like the ocean after a stormy night.

Killian nodded and walked to where the red pucks were stored.

He turned back to her and bowed again, "Ladies first, Swan," waving his hand at the table.

Emma rolled her eyes and positioned her blue puck in the center of the board, and pushed it with a firm jab, sending it sailing down the plank of polished wood until it slowed near the second line. Three points, not bad a for the first one - she was pretty rusty, they hadn't played since before the summer.

Shuffleboard was one of those strange games that allowed you to get better the more drunk you got, making it an entirely appropriate game for bars - unlike darts, which could potentially get scary. It was a waist-high table, with one long thin piece of heavily polished and waxed wood in the center, with special finely milled salt on top of it - each person or team used six colored pucks. They were small, usually made of metal covered in rubber, of varying weights depending on where you played. The object was to get each puck as far down the table as you could without it sailing off - the farther it was, the more points.

It was divided into rounds, basically - alternating with each puck, first one sets it up and the next person attempted to knock it off with theirs, filling the board with potentially twelve pucks - though it never got that crowded. The one who's puck was furthest got the points for that puck or pucks before that round reset.

Emma and Killian were playing to 15 points, and last time they played each other it took well over half an hour and three rounds of shots to finish. They were both extremely good at playing both defensively and offensively on the board, and neither liked to lose.

Killian walked up to survey the board; Emma had positioned herself well, with two lines of defense - but Killian knew he could knock at least a few off and sail one through to the edge; his specialty was precision whereas Emma's was more brute strength.

Fifteen minutes later, the brunette had abandoned the game - Killian was clearly too involved in it to pay much attention to her. Neal had also left to have a smoke outside, but Mary Margaret was glued to the interactions between Killian and Emma. They were always so intense with this silly game, but right now it felt like they were maybe playing for something else entirely.

The score was set 12-13, in Killian's favor - well beyond the thirty minute average game time; Emma growled, he had two pieces on the edge and one dead center. Her only option was to slip her last one past, or knock one off and hope the velocity took her puck ahead of his when it did.

Killian watched her brow furrow in thought, knowing he certainly had the best set up - again, hers was not a game of precision. She squatted down to look at the board straight on, as if she were a professional golfer on the final putting green of the 18th hole, judging the slopes.

Squinting her eyes, she set her last blue puck lined up in between his right and center ones; Killian grinned, she apparently was taking the precision route. She stood up and pulled the puck back before jabbing it down the board with a good amount of force - but she had also flicked her wrist to create a good amount of spin.

Killian watched in awe as his center puck was hit dead on, sent sailing over the edge, as Emma's rolled over the three point line, just a hair in front of his other puck.

Mary Margaret whooped upon confirmation of the score and clapped unabashedly - she knew Emma took any win like this seriously, even if it was just a game. Killian was just watching Emma, who had a serene smile on her face as she snapped back a bow at him - mocking him, surely.

"Well, what will you have me do, Swan?" He asked her, voice laced with an intent that went beyond singing. Emma was too high on the win to let it phase her as she smiled back at him.

She just stared at him before saying one word, and she knew exactly what it would do to him. "Friday," she said, a wicked grin appearing on her face as she saw Killian's face pale.

"Come on, lass. What did I do to deserve that?" He pleaded with her.

She shook her head, "Nope, fair is fair, Jones. You know the drill." She shoved him a bit towards the stage, "Go on now, the band is about to take their break." She winked and strode off with Mary Margaret to reclaim their booth - and get some water, because Emma surely wanted to have a clear head for this.

David caught her eye and waved her over, handing her a glass of water - he always did know exactly what she needed; it was comforting. "So what are you making him do tonight?"

"Oh nothing," Emma flipped her golden locks behind her, but David caught the glint in her eyes. "Just repaying him for the last bet I lost."

She took a sip of water, and David laughed a bit. "You had that coming though, little sis." He nudged her shoulder.

Scowling, Emma replied, "Yes well, I'm making him sing his favorite song from our freshman year - you should be thanking me."

David's eyes bulged a little, "Oh Emma, you didn't. Why would you bring that up again, you know how long it took last time!"

Giggling, she took another gulp of water, and heard the band's last notes trickle off.

"Well, that's my cue - I'll go initiate the karaoke and introduce our leading man." She winked at David, who shook his head ruefully.

As she walked to the small corner stage, she grabbed the wireless mic off the stand and greeted everyone. She usually introduced the karaoke singers - even if she didn't want to sing, she wanted to have some fun with the crowd.

Emma saw Killian off to her side, clearly trying to lock his fear away before this all started. She winked, "Ladies and gentlemen, I have a treat for you tonight! I'm sure you all know Killian Jones." She paused for the zealous female cheers before continuing, "Now, he wanted to sing something near and dear to his heart." Emma heard a groan from the side and smiled broadly. "So please give a warm welcome to Killian!"

She passed the microphone to him, and he grabbed it roughly, apparently resigned to his fate. She patted him on the shoulder and walked to the digital jukebox system, selecting her song.

As she hopped back on the stool at the bar, the first beats came out and everyone started laughing. Killian, however, had made up his mind - he was going to do what he did best, and seduce the fuck out of the audience with his charisma, song be damned.

_Ooooo, ooo yeah yeah_

_Yeah ah-ah_

_Yeah ah-ah_

Killian hopped down off the stage and walked to a large group of girls, and winked at them to get them to be his back up singers. Everyone knew the song, if you didn't you were living under a rock in 2011; unfortunately for Killian, he had been smack in the middle of the uprising. It was something he had sworn David to secrecy on, the fact that he knew every lyric perfectly - of course, now he knew David had betrayed him to Emma - damn them!

_7am, wakin' up in the morning_

_Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs_

_Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal_

_Seein' everything, the time is goin'_

_Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'_

At first, everyone was laughing, but Killian lent his enormous self confidence to the cause, and rapped like his life depended on it.

_I see my friends_

_Kickin' in the front seat_

_Sittin' in the back seat_

_Gotta make my mind up_

_Which seat can I take?_

Killian knew exactly what he was doing, and walked over to a particularly stunning pair of women, with two chairs open between them, and made a sexy little show of being torn between the two seats. As the lyrics built up to the chorus, he went back to the group of women/back up singers, who joined him:

_Friday, Friday_

_Gotta get down on Friday_

_Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend_

Gradually, everyone's laughter at him became laughter with him, as they joined in on the iconic song and Killian grabbed the pretty brunette's hand and twirled her a bit as they sang the simple chorus again.

Everyone was getting into the simplicity of the song - and the fact that, hell, it was Friday, and damned if they weren't looking forward to the weekend.

Killian belted out, "Partyin' Partyin'" and held the mic out as the participants then shouted "Yeah!"

As the next rap-esque lines came out, he walked over to Emma who was sitting stunned at the bar, not expecting this - she was expecting utter discomfort and her amusement.

_I got this, you got this_

_My friend is by my right_

_I got this, you got this_

_Now you know it_

He leaned against the bar as he sang and the crowd kept clapping in time, keeping their enthusiasm surprisingly well into the next set of Friday, Friday chants.

Killian smiled broadly at everyone joining in, and droned very seriously the next lines:

_Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday_

_Today iis Friday, Friday_

_We we we so excited_

_We so excited_

_We gonna have a ball today_

_Tomorrow is Saturday_

The ladies laughed at his seriousness in those deep lines, and he turned at the last lines to David, who was secretly beating his foot to the rhythm. Killian just looked at him, walking towards him as he sang, and David's eyes got wide.

Killian was going to get him back for ever breathing a word of this song to Emma, and he knew exactly how to do it; the rap break was coming, and David was the next Eminem if he ever saw one.

David just sighed and grabbed the mic, starting up as the beat was laid down.

_So chillin' in the front seat (In the front seat)_

_In the back seat (In the back seat)_

_I'm drivin', cruisin' (Yeah, yeah)_

_Fast lanes, switchin' lanes_

_Wit' a car up on my side (Woo!)_

_(C'mon) Passin' by is a school bus in front of me_

_Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream_

_Check my time, it's Friday, it's a weekend_

_We gonna have fun, c'mon, c'mon, y'all_

Mary Margaret let out a loud whoop as the rest took over the chorus and David handed the mic back to Killian, who smacked him on the head and headed back up to the stage, singing the chorus still.

His original 'back up singers' came up there with him, and he snapped the mic back on the stand as he drew them both in with his hands around their waists, singing the last lines as the music faded out

_Partyin' partyin'_

_Fun fun fun fun_

_Looking forward to the weekend_

The music ended to cheers as Killian bowed a bit, "Thank you all, and in case you didn't know - it's fucking Friday, get down and have a good time!" He jumped down and pulled the closest girl to him for a deep kiss before letting her go with a wink and a smile. Her eyes fluttered a bit, not the least bit upset at his brashness.

He strolled towards Emma, who still had a stunned look on her face; Killian idly wondered if she even enjoyed herself there, before leaning against the bar next to her. "So Swan, bet fulfilled wouldn't you say?"

And she glared at him, but it is Neal who answered, "Oh hell yeah man, that was hilarious - you definitely have the skills!" He winked, making sure Killian got his meaning.

Killian smiled at Neal, who at least understood the idea behind it, unlike his girlfriend who was still acting like a petulant child who didn't get her wish.

A blonde woman walked up to Killian and placed her hands on his chest, leaning to whisper something in his ear. He turned to look at her and nodded, pushing off the bar and walking away without a glance towards Emma.

Emma continued staring at Killian's back, noting how his arm moved around the woman's waist, tucking her into his side. She blinked a few times, but once they had walked out of the front door, Emma turned around slowly and found Mary Margaret right in front of her.

She just kept staring at Emma, who was getting more and more uncomfortable by the minute. Finally, she snapped, "What? Why are you staring at me?"

Mary Margaret's face didn't change, but she drew breath to speak, "I think maybe we're due for a girls day out."

Emma scowled since she hated when Mary Margaret said that. It was code for "we need to have a serious conversation." Unfortunately, she may be right this time and Emma just nodded and watched as Mary Margaret accepted it without another word, turning back to take a seat.

Emma turned to Neal and whispered that she wasn't feeling well and was going to head home. He nodded absently, engrossed in conversation.

She walked out of the bar and into the cool evening. It wasn't supposed to be cool, it was only September, but mother nature tended to do what she pleased. As she walked the few blocks to their apartment complex, she wondered what on earth Mary Margaret had seen that she felt the need to claim "girls day out"; it was something she rarely did, except in times of crisis.

Emma slipped her key into the gate's lock, sighing; she knew it would be about Killian. They had interacted far too much recently, and it was putting Emma's mind into an unusual state of confusion. She knew better than to be alone with him, but she had let it happen several times the past few weeks - it was a slippery slope.

Walking into her dark apartment, she didn't bother flipping on any lights and went straight to her bedroom. She didn't even both putting pajamas on, just slipping out of her clothes and into bed.

As she reached over to turn off her lamp, she noticed the necklace that still hung with all her others sitting on the bedside table. She had many necklaces, but she only looked at one this time.

It was a catholic pendant of Archangel Raphael hanging on a long silver chain. She moved to touch it, but stopped herself and just flipped off the lamp.

It was going to be a very long weekend.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Yeah, apologies for putting that song into your heads again. Asked a friend what was the most embarrassing thing I could make him sing, and that was his answer.

Was a bit of a lighter chapter, and the next one will have some friend bonding. Then it's Halloween. That is all, good day!

PS shuffleboard actually is one of the best bar games, just saying.


	7. The Talk

**Disclaimer: **The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's _Once Upon a Time's _intellectual property.

**Half of My Heart**

"_**It's bullshit to think of friendship and romance as being different. **_

_**T**__**hey're not. They're just variations of the same love. **_

_**Variations of the same desire to be close." **_

_**- Rachel Cohn**_

"I don't understand why we're here," Emma whined. They had just stepped into a nearby day spa; Mary Margaret has always enjoyed indulging in a little pampering. Except she usually left Emma at home, since it was no secret that she 'didn't have time' for these things.

Unfortunately, Mary Margaret was hard to say no to after last night and Emma found herself in a slicked out spa with sea foam green paint on the walls and white leather chairs, the scent of vanilla wafting hitting her as she stood there.

"Emma, you promised me a spa day. Don't be grumpy." Mary Margaret tsked as she walked over to the receptionist, leaving Emma to roll her eyes.

_I'll be grumpy if I want to be grumpy, _she mumbled.

The truth was that she was not prepared for the interrogation that was surely coming. Mary Margaret had apparently seen something last night with Killian, and while Emma wasn't sure if there was anything to say, Mary Margaret would certainly have something.

"Emma, you should probably pick a color." Emma's wandering mind was interrupted by Mary Margaret waving a pastel blue nail polish in front of her face. She snapped out of it and walked over to the wall of colors, selecting a dark red one without even a second thought.

"Killian was wearing a red shirt last night, it looked really good on him don't you think?" Mary Margaret's random statement was, of course, not entirely random as she watched Emma's reaction.

Emma did a double take on the color in her hand, but shook her head. "Uh yeah, sure." She was saved a follow up comment by their esthetician ushering them to the private room Mary Margaret had booked. Apparently, she was a regular VIP.

The private room, however, made Emma nervous - Mary Margaret _definitely _meant business, she feared. She slid into the plush leather chair as the woman rolled up her jeans to above her knees. This was a bit of a weird situation, but Emma knew better than to say anything as she looked at Mary Margaret, who was already sinking into her Zen-state.

A few minutes into it, their feet soaking in the warm bubbling water, Mary Margaret's voice asked softly, "So how is Neal? I haven't seen him around as much since the semester started."

Emma let out a breath she hadn't know she was holding - she thought for sure that Mary Margaret would be straightforward - but answered, "He's really good - our relationship is steady as it has always been. He's enjoying his new security job for that jewelry store on 10th street."

"Oh, Gold's?" Mary Margaret's nose scrunched up, as if she disliked it, but wasn't sure why. "That's such a silly name for a jewelry store, but I'm glad he's settling in well."

"Definitely! Apparently the owner really likes him and has taken him under his wing with the business, even as some random security guard."

The esthetician pulled Emma's foot from the warm water and began to rub oil on it, taking a pumice sponge and buffing her heel. She was intent to just watch, but Mary Margaret was still intent on asking questions.

"What about your law school applications, how are those coming? Have you decided when you'll take the LSATs?"

"They're fine, I've met my advisor already and he seems to know what's going on. I've kind of decided to push it and take the LSATs in December, I need a bit longer to prepare than just doing it in October. I also need to maybe find a tutor." Emma picked at a thread on her blouse, feeling a bit awkward - she was waiting for the other shoe to drop in this conversation.

"Is Neal okay with you continuing on with school?"

"Yeah, of course he is. He's always known that is where I want to be. I don't think he's particularly happy with the time I spend away from him, but -"

"What's going on with you and Killian?" Mary Margaret interrupted her explanation.

Emma's eyes whipped up to Mary Margaret's face, which was set intently on her own. Watching for any reaction. She ignores it and stares at her feet, which were being transformed before her very eyes. She was grateful that the employees were keeping mostly silent, letting the two women talk in peace. However with each passing moment, her silence became more of an answer to Mary Margaret.

"Nothing is going on; he's just the same as usual." She finally spat out.

"I don't believe you. He might be the same as usual, but your reactions are not. I watched you two last night, it's clear there is some tension building. I want to know why." Mary Margaret crossed her arms, looking slightly more intimidating.

Emma sighed, "There really isn't anything going on, he's just been around me alone more than usual and it's throwing me off. We've never really talked to each other, but lately he's been so focused on creating more of those situations. He even followed me into the library the other week!"

Mary Margaret watched her friend's face, "Followed you into the library?"

"Yes! He was _bored _and wanted someone to bother so he chose me, apparently. You know how uncomfortable I get when I'm alone and that close to someone. He's just throwing me off a bit." Emma looked at her toes, which were now a deep red, and smiled despite her words.

"Are you...you know, interested in him?" Her voice dipped a bit, the question serious and no longer a joke. Emma's eyes popped out, alarmed at the insinuation.

"No! No way, why would you ever think that? I love Neal, we've been together forever - we're steady and I love him."

Mary Margaret leaned back into her chair, thinking about Emma's denial. She watched her friend out of the corner of her eye, her body language expressing a bit of her distress at the scenario she brought up. Emma can say whatever she wants, she thought, but her eyes did not lie to her last night.

Killian had walked out of the bar with another woman, and Emma's eyes did not leave his back until many minutes after the door had closed again.

* * *

Once their little primp session was done, their attitudes abruptly switched - Mary Margaret's turned sullen while Emma's turned ecstatic.

"Mary Margaret, you _promised. _You've never been and I did this for you!" Emma waved her newly painted nails in front of Mary Margaret's face. Secretly she kind of liked them, but spas still weren't really her thing.

Mary Margaret sat back in the car and looked reluctantly at the building in front of her. She had avoided this little interest of Emma's for three years, but Emma had gone through something equally distasteful today so she couldn't deny her.

"Fine, lets go then." She unbuckled her seatbelt and they got out of the bug, Emma strolling in front of her and opening up the door that read _Red's Shooting Range. _The little bell dinged on the door and they went inside.

"Emma! I didn't expect to see you today." The range's owner, Ruby, ran up to Emma and gave her a hug. Clearly, Emma spent more time here than other places.

"I know, but it was the only time Mary Margaret over here would agree to come, so I'm making do!" She waved Mary Margaret over to them, and introduced them.

"Oh hey girl! Emma talks about you and that boyfriend of yours all the time, I feel as if I already know you. Have you ever shot before?" Ruby had on appropriately bright red lipstick, with a simple white shirt and jeans. Her shoes were also red, but they were work boots - which made sense, since she worked in the range itself often and not just the store.

Mary Margaret was stunned at their familiarity, but softly replied, "No, I've never handled any gun or weapon before. I guess Emma will teach me, though."

Emma grinned and pulled her gun from the row of safes on the wall. "You bet I will. Hey Ruby, can you pull a box of ammo out for us?"

Ruby walked over and handed the box of ammo to Emma, and then handed two massive ear protectors to Mary Margaret. "You'll want to use those, it can get pretty loud in indoor ranges." She winked and buzzed them into the range.

Emma walked to the last cell, pulling a few paper targets off the wall on her way. She gestured at Mary Margaret to put on the headphones, and instantly sound was muffled. She placed the ammunition box on the counter and opened up her gun case, pulling out a slick silver gun.

Mary Margaret's eyes widened, she hadn't known Emma was so into guns - so much so that she _owned _one.

"This right here is a Bersa 380, it is lightweight and small - really good for those with smaller hands like us. Now, before we get to the fun part you have to learn the basic rules of handling and shooting a weapon."

Emma held the gun flat in the palm of her hand as she spoke, "The first rule, above all others, is _never _point your gun at anyone, and always point towards the ground. You only want to point it at something you'd be okay with accidentally shooting. You'll learn later that it's pretty tough to accidentally shoot someone without massive amounts of adrenaline in your system, but that is the most important rule."

Mary Margaret continued to just watch her friend speak so animatedly about this subject, she completely forgot that she was terrified of guns for a moment.

"The second rule is that you _never _rest your finger on the trigger, always keep it along the barrel of the gun until you're ready to fire." Emma took Mary Margaret's right hand and placed the gun in her hand, turning her body towards the long alley of the range. "Don't worry, it isn't loaded - the magazine isn't in and there's no round inside. Just feel the weight of the gun, grip it."

Mary Margaret did just that, holding it as she had seen so many times in the movies and tv shows. Emma took the finger that was resting on the trigger and moved it so it aligned with the barrel, complying with the second rule.

"Now, here is the safety button - if it is out, it's on and won't fire. Just remember that. Push _in _to fire - just like the trigger."

Emma gently took the gun back and pulled out the magazine that was filled with bullets and she showed Mary Margaret how to load it into the gun, and cock it. "You never want to cock it with your thumb as you sometimes see in shows, though. Always use your other hand to pull back and load the round of ammunition."

"Why is that?" Mary Margaret found herself asking out of curiosity, no longer as afraid as she was before.

"Because it's easier to control when you're scared. You want to use everything you have, and loading the round isn't easy - takes a good bit of strength. You don't want to leave much room for error - you're using this in defense, not in offense."

Emma gestured for Mary Margaret to step back as she loaded the round in the chamber and took a proper stance, and fired off two bullets in fairly quick succession. The sound was loud and popping, and reverberated around her entire body. She loved the feel of control she got by using this. No one would ever hurt her when she carried.

She placed the gun on the counter, barrel facing down the range, and turned to Mary Margaret who had a grin on her face. "I take it you'd like to try a few?"

Mary Margaret just nodded and walked up, picking up the gun and holding it as she was taught.

Emma slid in behind her, "Now, when you fire, you'll need to remember to keep a firm but soft grip. You don't want the gun to fly out of your hands, but it'll also give some kick back so you'll want to brace yourself." She took her back leg and scooted it back, and pivoted her hips a bit.

"Do I keep both eyes open?"

Emma smiled, "Sure, don't worry too much about your aim right now, we're just looking for you to get a feel for the power behind the gun."

After the first shots, Mary Margaret was addicted. They went through the entire box of ammunition, and made plans to come again soon. As they were walking out of the store, Mary Margaret caught a glimpse of a fancy metal-ish bow set - and Ruby caught her looking; she mentioned that starting in 2 weeks every Sunday there were beginning Archery classes, if she was interested. Mary Margaret was very much interested, and smiled at Ruby as she took the flier explaining about the class.

Emma waved goodbye to her friend and thought that she had successfully derailed any thoughts of Killian all afternoon; but when they pulled up to the apartment complex and she saw the blonde from last night walking down the stairs, she remembered.

Shaking it off, she reminded herself that he was just trying to get under her skin - he was a master at it, and everything she had told Mary Margaret was the truth.

She had a wonderfully steady, long-term relationship with no complications. She felt comfort with him, and knew he would never let her go.

Killian Jones was not that type of man.

* * *

David walked into his apartment after spending the early evening with Mary Margaret. They had an interesting conversation about Emma and Killian, and he was not surprised she had noticed the same subtle shifts in their interactions. His girl was quite perceptive about emotions.

She had made him promise not to confront Emma, but that didn't mean he couldn't have a direct conversation with Killian to make sure nothing crossed a line.

He shut the door, and the silence that greeted him made him think he was alone, but as he walked into the living room, he saw a book peeking over the top of the couch with a tuft of dark hair peeking over the cushion.

Killian was definitely sprawled out on the couch reading again, and David knew when that happened that it was likely that Killian wouldn't have even noticed him arriving home.

Thus, when David grabbed the book away from his hands, a startled Killian rolled off the couch after violently jerking away in surprise.

David burst out laughing, "Oh man, I knew you got in the zone when you read, but _damn_, you took quite the tumble."

Killian scowled at his friend and grabbed his book from David's hands. "What do you want, mate?"

Still smiling, David locked him down with intense eyes, "What are you doing with Emma?"

"I beg your pardon?" Killian looked surprised at the question, but made no move either way.

"Emma. Something is going on, and I want to know what it is." David still kept his eyes on his friend, trying his best to be the intimidating older brother. No matter how good a friend Killian was, Emma would _always _come first - she was his sister.

"Why do you ask? Nothing is going on."

"Don't lie to me! You two kept looking at each other like you were in an argument one minute and having sex the next. You've _never _interacted so much in such a short time period. What. Is. Going. On?" David walked up to where Killian was now standing, punctuating each question with a jab to his chest.

Killian backed off and turned around, "I don't know what you think you saw, mate, but nothing is going on with Swan and I. I'm trying to be her friend - I don't want to leave school only having you as my anchor to this group, so I'm making an effort to make a connection with her too."

David made a huffing sound, "Well, she might be taking it the wrong way. She looked upset when you left last night with Susie or whatever her name was."

Killian turned around and laughed, "I'm sorry the lass is taking my friendship the wrong way, but I assure you there is nothing going on between us." _Yet, _he thought. Although he denied there was anything happening, he didn't think he could deny that he _wanted _something to happen - but thankfully David didn't ask that.

David nodded, accepting his friend's words at face value. They had been friends long enough, he trusted him to be a man of honor.

"So, Neal bailed on guys night by the way, apparently he has to work. Emma wanted me to let you know."

Killian scowled outwardly at the annoyance, but inside he was happy that he wouldn't have to be around Swan's boyfriend. He wasn't sure he could handle that right now. His emotions ran high after that simple questioning from David.

"So how are the lovely ladies, did they enjoy their afternoon?"

David smirked, "I think they had quite a lot of fun, and I feel like I should warn you - they are both armed and dangerous now. Sharp nails, and gun skills."

"Ah, Swan took the fair Mary Margaret with her to _Red's, _did she? I would've enjoyed seeing that experience." Killian smiled at the thought. _Red's _was known to him, and the owner Ruby was very close to Emma after all these years - but he had also gotten to know her. He had taken a few courses there, for gun safety and the like.

David just shrugged, "I'm surprised she hadn't convinced Mary Margaret to go before now, Emma's been going to that place since it was legal for her to practice - at least since she was fifteen. I think she finds solace in it, and not even Neal is allowed to go with her."

Killian wondered at that, Emma never taking the supposed love of her life to something she held so dearly. He found himself dreaming - hoping - that she'd bring him one day. He shook his head, such a silly though, since Emma was never going to trust him more than her boyfriend of nearly 6 years.

David continued, "I suppose it was better than the other option - Neal was always getting her into trouble in school and minor skirmishes with the law. I'm always surprised she kept her grades up well enough to get into school here. He's calmed down a bit since then, thankfully."

Killian growled at the thought of Neal getting Swan in trouble - a man should watch out for his lady, not wade her into danger.

"Ah well, we all have to grow up sometime. Now shoo, if we're not having our guys night I'll go back to my book." Killian went back to lay on the couch as David laughed.

"Okay, Grandpa Jones."

When David walked back into his room, Killian dropped the book on his chest and let out a ragged breath. That had been close. It wasn't as if he didn't feel he could tell David of his thoughts, but they were too new - too scary - to put words to just yet. He didn't want to risk the friendship they had unless he was sure.

And Swan was going to be a risk. Killian didn't find himself scared of that, though. What was love without a little bit of risk?

* * *

**Author's Note: **Oh my goodness! I'm sorry for the delay, those of you who PM'd me about it thank you - just fyi, I got distracted with work and grad school papers (and OUAT returning, _oh my goddddd), _but I'm back in the swing of things now! Even when I wasn't writing, I was still listening to the Spotify playlist (PM me if you want the code for it!) I created for this story and it was continuously inspiring me as I drove to different places. _  
_

This chapter was a bit less intense for our two lovelies, but I want to keep this story as real as possible. Plus, next chapter is...well, intense for them. Hope you enjoyed this, getting back into the swing of things!

See you soon! If you don't already and would like to, come find me at tumblr - user name caishakalianah. I rant a lot, and you'll find a bit more updates on when I'm writing, etc.!

~Caisha


	8. The Halloween Party

**Disclaimer: **The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's _Once Upon a Time's _intellectual property.

**Half of My Heart**

_**"The world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold. The curves of your lips rewrite history." **_

_**-The Picture of Dorian Gray**_

"So, let's talk." Mary Margaret started off with the three most dreaded words anyone could ever hear, and Emma steeled herself for another ambush. "What are your thoughts on Halloween this year?"

Emma let out the breath she had been holding and laughed softly as she sat at the kitchen island in their apartment, legs swinging above the ground. "I'm not really sure; did you have any plans for yourself?"

Personally, Emma absolutely adored Halloween and it was the one holiday she looked forward to every year. Some would call that odd - it's not even really a holiday, nor is it a happy one - but to Emma it was. It is the only holiday that is free of bad memories and familial obligations.

"Oh I'm definitely going as Robin Hood," Mary Margaret stated emphatically.

"Like cross dressing Robin Hood or like the female version?" Emma arched her brow at the idea.

"Definitely female version. I'm really enjoying archery, and he _is _one of the most famous archers in our history you know!"

Emma snorted, "David definitely has to go as the Sheriff of Nottingham then. Make him be your villain!"

Mary Margaret clapped her hands, "Oh! That's such a good idea - he can have a sword, David _loves _swords! And I can chase him around with my bow and arrow." She grinned as she smacked the counter, "It is decided! Let me know when you decide on your costume and Neal's."

Emma smiled as Mary Margaret walked back into her bedroom. She had lied to her earlier; Emma knew what she was dressing up as, but wasn't sure how to explain the reasoning behind it. She didn't have to worry about Neal, who never dressed up for these things - he thought it was ridiculous.

* * *

Emma paced along the cement in front of her apartment building, the early morning dew still resting on the grass, her phone pressed against her ear as she argued. "Neal! You _promised. _You said you would come this year! You _know _how important this is to me." Her voice carried even though she was trying to keep her anger down and not wake anyone up. That's why she was outside rather than in her apartment - so she could yell if she needed to.

"Babe, Halloween is fucking lame, I'm not going." Emma felt tears welling up in her eyes. She knew to everyone else it was really stupid to find the holiday so important - but when she was younger, it was the only time she could escape for a night from the children's homes and just be whatever she wanted. No one ever asked her where she was spending the holiday, or what family she was eating with, or what gifts she got for Christmas. They just smiled at the pretty girl in her princess costume or scary mask and gave her candy, without questioning where her parents were.

She didn't want to have to explain it to Neal _again_ - he would always laugh at her fixation on the holiday, even when they were in high school. Tears welled up, "Neal, you won't even go just to humor me? I don't ask for much...just this one night please!"

"Sorry babe, I'm just going to pick up the night shift at Gold's." Emma angrily pushed the end button and moved to brace her back against the brick building, choking back a sob. It was stupid, really. She knew that Neal was right, but what was the harm in humoring her? _"Dammit!" _She yelled out, voice full of her unshed tears.

At that moment, Killian was jogging down the stairs in shorts and a t-shirt, clearly ready for a morning workout. He heard a sob from the side of the stairwell and saw Emma's profile, splotchy face and wetness running down her cheeks. He walked over and just put his hand on her shoulder, "Emma."

She must have known it was him somehow, because she didn't pull away, just stiffened slightly at the contact. After a few moments she relaxes and tilts her head back, eyes closed. They stood like that for a few minutes, and Killian never took his hand off, just squeezed her shoulder every time she sucked back another sob, letting her have her moment without making it awkward. He knew his Swan wanted to pretend it wasn't happening.

She finally turns towards him; most of the sobbing had subsided, and tilts her face up to look at his.

Killian took this as an opportunity, "What's wrong, Swan?" He stared at her eyes, slightly puffy, and every time she sniffled his heart squeezed a bit more.

Abruptly, she glared at him and backed away, leaving his hand in the air. "What do you care, Jones?"

He put both his hands up in a gesture of surrender, "Hey now Swan, when have I ever given you cause to think I don't care if you're alone crying?"

Emma just stared at him, her sadness at Neal being transferred to anger at Killian for just _being _there, yet again, in her time of emotional need. What he was saying was true - he had always been there, for some reason, and never gave her any particular reason to not trust him. She just didn't - trust him, that is. He was so different around her; it was hard to reconcile the two sides she saw.

Finally she huffed, and explained, "Neal won't go tonight to the Halloween party, and I've really been looking forward to it. Now I have to tag along with Mary Margaret and David and be their third wheel. Kind of sucks, really."

Killian smiled, and moved to talk, but she continued. "I know people think it's really stupid, but I really...Halloween is my favorite holiday, you know? Always has been since I was a little girl. I got upset, because he should know better. I just…"

"I understand, Swan. He's an asshole who should know better. You've been together for almost six years, either he doesn't know how important it is, or doesn't care - either way, it's bad form really." Killian smiled at the way she jumped a bit, probably about to defend Neal, but he continued. "As it were, I had plans on attending the party myself and I humbly offer my escort services." He bowed at the end, waiting for the eye roll.

There it is! Right on cue, Emma rolled her eyes and laughed a bit, "You sure your extracurricular activities won't be harmed by bringing someone to the party? The ladies might get jealous."

Instead of laughing it off the way she had anticipated, he just stared at her intently. "Swan, it would be the utmost honor to be your escort, and yours alone."

She blinked slowly at his sudden seriousness, then smiles, "So what are you dressing up as?"

He winked, "Guess you'll just have to be surprised darling! I'll pick you up around 9 tonight, sound good?"

Emma nodded and watched as he took off jogging to their apartment's gym. She wasn't really sure if it was a good idea - him taking her to the Halloween party - especially considering the disaster of the last one they had attended together, but he was obviously making an effort to be friends again.

She owed it to him to try as well.

* * *

_Three Years Earlier - Fall, 2010_

She adjusted her ankle-length basket skirt, turning it around to get the front side just right. It was a beautiful brown, and went well with her simple peasant blouse that had just slight flower embroidery at the top. Emma Swan was the epitome of an earth-wandering hippie tonight, and she had spent weeks scouring local shops to get the accents _just right. _Even down to the flowers in her hair and braids around her head.

It was Halloween. Emma _loved _Halloween. There was just something about it, something that no one ever understood but her.

Mary Margaret and David were on either side of her, looking warily at the fraternity house that was just across the street from their dorm - but most importantly was off campus. Very fortuitous for just such occasions. She had talked them into coming tonight, and she knew they were unsure. This would be their first official college party.

Neal was supposed to be swinging by later, after his shift ended, and David's roommate Killian had took off on his own tonight. Good thing, too, because Emma wasn't really sure she liked him very much and didn't want him to ruin her favorite holiday.

They walked in through the open door, the full force of the music hitting them abruptly. She sees Mary Margaret's face light up unexpectedly and she tugs David to the open area to dance. Emma is much more uncomfortable, suddenly - maybe she should have gone with the Wonder Woman costume to give her strength.

There were so many people, at various stages of drunkenness, the smell of smoke lingering in her nostrils. She shook her head and walked over to the kitchen where drinks were being served. She handed the red solo cup she had received at the door to the guy overseeing the drinks - she assumed it was a pledge from the fraternity.

He grabbed her cup and filled it with sangria. She turned her nose up a bit at it, but shrugged and drank deeply. He looked at her for a moment before moving on to the next person.

"Careful what you drink around here, Emma. You don't want to find yourself passed out in one of the upper rooms."

She froze at that voice and turned around, glare already on her face. "Jones. I'm pretty sure I know how to take care of myself - orphan, remember? Foster system doesn't raise innocents."

Her glare was wiped away and replaced with a goofy smile as she burst out laughing when she saw his costume. He was in the most ridiculous mixture of Jack Sparrow and Captain Hook - lacking Sparrow's locks, but definitely had a fake hook on his left hand. "What...are….you…._wearing?" _She huffed out in between fits of laughter.

Killian feigned being wounded at her laughter, clasping his hooked hand to his chest. "I am a pirate, my fair maiden Swan, don't you recognize me? And just between you and me, the ladies have loved it tonight." He winked at her as she continued smiling at him - sure, it was _at _him and his silliness, but at least she was smiling. "It's good to see you smile, Emma. You're always scowling when I'm nearby."

"Probably because you deserve it," quipped Emma. The alcohol was working its way through her system, and she felt herself flushing a bit though it wasn't any hotter than it was before. She walked over to get a refill and Killian just watched her sip her drink silently.

"So where are the lovebirds?" Killian asked.

"Oh they're over there, dancing. Apparently Mary Margaret is actually quite a fan of Pitbull." Emma smiled as she brought the cup to her lips. David and Mary Margaret had wasted no time getting together - it had barely been two months, but they were already so deeply in love that Emma wasn't sure they could see straight.

"What about your own lovebird, Neal is it?"

She rolled her eyes, "You know very well his name is Neal, but he should be coming soon - just got off work and is on his way."

Killian nodded, and grabbed her hand, pulling her outside to the backyard where several ping pong tables were set up. It was practically in every fraternity's charter that they must always own at least three ping pong tables - for practice, of course.

"What do you say, Emma? Fancy a game? You and me, for keeps." He waggled his eyebrows at her and she rolled her eyes.

He took that as a yes, and walked over to the only free table and started setting up the cups.

"Hey man, why don't you and your girl there play against us?" A voice to the side interrupted the set up and Killian looked at the other couple and then back to Emma.

She chose for him, "You're on."

Killian grinned - his little Swan was quite the spitfire, and had a thirst for competition evidently; he would have to remember that.

Each side set up the pyramid cups and Emma walked over with a couple of beers and began filling them up. She had never actually played beer pong before, but figured it wouldn't be the hardest game if it was meant for drunken people.

She stood next to the other girl who turned to her before they started and asked her if Killian was her boyfriend. Emma laughed and shook her head; what a silly thing to say.

By the end of the first round, Killian had somehow managed to make the girl drink three cups already, but Emma hadn't made any. She only had to drink one cup the next one, though; she made up for this by landing the ball in one of the corner cups.

It was pretty back and forth, and Killian kept trying to drink the beer but Emma would swat his hand away, claiming it was her job since he kept getting all the points for them. He shook his head, making a note to watch her the rest of the evening.

They only had one cup left and somehow Killian's ping pong ball had skidded off the table, which left Emma with a potential moment of glory. She aimed the ball, her tongue sticking out slightly in concentration and bounced it gently - into the last remaining cup. She squealed and jumped up and down.

Killian grinned at her alcohol-filled exuberance and picked her up and twirled her around. Setting her down, he looked at her, "You know, I don't mean to upset you Emma but I think we make quite the team."

She smirked at him, eyes glazed over and she pushed away, pulling out her phone to check where Neal was - he definitely should've been there by now.

She had a missed call and a voicemail from him, and listening to it took away all the happiness from their victory just earlier.

Killian watched her face fall, and assumed Neal wouldn't be joining them. He couldn't find it in himself to be too upset, as he was enjoying the Emma who didn't glare at him constantly for any good reason.

She walked right past him, going back inside and he saw her heading straight for the kitchen again. He found her rummaging through the cabinet and pulling out a bottle of rum, filling her cup with it.

"Emma, lass, don't you think you've had enough alcohol for the evening? Let's get you some water or something, you need to pace yourself." Killian was more than a little concerned - he knew she was obviously upset, and didn't want her feeding her sorrows even more.

She tugged her arm away from his and heard the music turn from trance techno to top 40 pop - she gasped and set down the bottle as Killian just watched her suddenly start popping out lyrics and dance moves. He had to smile, glad for the rescue - from _Ke$ha _no less.

He listened to her sing the entire opening chorus of _Tik Tok _- apparently she wakes up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy, he smirked internally.

A small punch to his chest brought him back to looking at her, she had kicked him with her bare - when did she lose her shoes? - feet. _I'm talking - pedicure on our toes, toes_

_Tryin on all our clothes, clothes_

_Boys blowing up our phones, phones_

She waved her phone in the air and he was afraid she'd throw it across the room and grabbed it out of her hand. She didn't seem to notice and kept dancing, in her own little sangria-beer-rum filled world.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked back at David, "Hey man, can you make sure she gets home alright? Mary Margaret isn't feeling too well so I'm taking her back to our room."

Killian nodded, "Yeah sure man, she's just working out a few issues right now, we'll leave soon enough and I'll watch her."

David thanked him and ushered Mary Margaret, who was beginning to look quite pallid, out of the house.

He felt fingers running down his chest and Emma leaned in to whisper the next line, "Now the party don't start til I walk in." Leaving him a bit hot and stunned, she flips back and continues dancing, apparently unaware of how alluring she was at the moment.

Killian knew she was drunk, but that just meant he could openly watch her without her questioning why. She was gorgeous, and over the past few months he had tried desperately to not be alone with her - it was too much to handle and still be the good guy his brother had taught him to be. If only Liam knew just how hard it was to stay the good guy right now, though, he might reconsider his teachings.

He heard the song start to fade and he grabbed her hand, pulling her into the edge of the open living room, which had been converted into a dance floor for the evening.

Ludacris' voice came on, introducing the song, and Killian laughed at how appropriate it was right then. He twirled Emma around, and she was strangely willing as she kept looking at him and licking her lips.

Taio Cruz took over with the beginning of the song and Killian turned Emma to face him and started moving to the beat.

_Now listen to me baby_

_Before I love and leave ya_

_They call me heart breaker_

_I don't wanna deceive ya_

Emma sobered slightly, listening to the lyrics, she was just standing there watching him move and asked if he was the heart breaker. He just shook his head and placed his hands on her hips, gently nudging her to start dancing again.

_If you fall for me_

_I'm not easy to please_

_I might tear you apart_

_Told you from the start, baby from the start_

_I'm only gonna break break your, break break your heart_

He turned Emma around and she pressed her back against his chest as he sang in her ear.

_There's no point trying to hide it_

_No point trying to evade it_

_I know I got a problem_

_Problem with misbehaving_

She surprised him by moving against him, the hands on her hips only serving as a guide as they sunk low to the music, his voice surrounding her, the slight accent to his words were sending chills down her spine.

When Ludacris took over, she turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck and looked into his eyes.

_See I'm not tryin to lead you on, no I'm only tryin to keep it real_

She surprised him again by shifting her lower body between his right leg, his hands shifting to her ass in response, silently encouraging her as she started to grind herself against him. Their bodies were melded together at that point, rolling in time with the song, but neither of them paying attention to the lyrics anymore.

_I know karma's gonna get me back for being so cold_

_Like a big bad wolf I'm born to be bad and bad to the bone_

_If you fall for me I'm only gonna tear you apart_

Emma finally pulled herself out of her head where she had spent the last few minutes enjoying the feel of Killian's body against hers. She had thought the skirt was a good addition, but now she was almost cursing the flimsy fabric - she felt every rough edge as he pushed her hips against his leg. She could hear his soft groans as her body put pressure on his very apparent erection.

She lifted her eyes up to meet his, and saw the lust and passion in them - his mouth open a little, breathing heavily and not just from the dancing. She tugged his neck down with the arms that were wrapped around it, meeting his lips eagerly. Emma could feel the surprise in his body, but it was fleeting as he took over the kiss.

Killian immediately dominated, his tongue seeking hers as she opened her mouth without any pressure. She moaned as he sucked on her tongue and her hands went into his hair, gripping it tightly - Killian's snarl at that movement made her grind herself harder onto him, trying to climb up his body even though they were vertical.

He took this as a cue and grabbed her ass and lifted her up, her legs wrapping around him - all thought of the other dancers and parties around them forgotten. He turned and settled her against the wall, his hands wrapping around her waist as his kept her pinned.

He broke off the kiss and moved to her neck, suckling it and running his tongue along her collarbone. He felt her nails drag down his loose shirt, and smiled against her neck as she found the opening and gasp as she felt the muscles in his back that were moving with the effort of grinding her into the wall.

Killian brought his mouth away, reveling in the feeling of her hands against his skin. He was so caught up in the moment, in the feel of her - his Swan, golden and beautiful - an absolute goddess. He wasn't sure how he kept himself away from her for so long.

He felt a tug at his hair and saw her pout and laughed to kiss it away, licking along her lips, biting the bottom of her already red and bruised lip.

Emma ran one hand down the front of his pants, untying the laced up leather of his costume and slipping her hand in to find his cock.

They gasped simultaneously as she grabbed it. Abruptly Killian pulled away from her lips and pulled her legs from his hips and set her on the ground and back away panting. He was just staring at her, completely stunned at how far he let them take this. He knew better - she was drunk, hurting from Neal's abandonment, and would definitely regret this in the morning.

As soon as Emma saw Killian avoiding her questioning stare, her body was washed over with the cold feeling of being unwanted. She pushed against him and ran outside into the empty street.

"Emma, wait!" Killian called out, cursing himself for being so stupid.

"WHAT? WHY WOULD I WAIT FOR YOU, YOU ASSHOLE?" She ran at him and pounded on his chest, but he could see the tears in her eyes.

"You're drunk, love. I wouldn't be a good man if I had let that go any further when you were like that." Killian kept his voice soft, and if Emma had been sober she would have noticed the breaks in it.

She looked into his wounded face, "You sleep with everyone else, why not me?"

Killian raised his hand and brushed it along her face and along her collarbone where just minutes ago his mouth and tongue were. He was afraid of baring his heart to a woman who would probably not remember it - or care - in the morning, so he kept his silence and hoped his actions would show her she was loved and cared for. "I just don't want to see you get hurt, Emma."

"Oh really? I thought you had said you _weren't _the heartbreaker - guess you were lying to me then, too." She turned and started walking to their dorm, but stumbled against one of the cars.

Killian rushed up to her and picked her up, holding her against his chest. She pushed initially, but then accepted his help. "Pirates were all womanizers and whores, that's what you are. It's an appropriate costume for someone who uses women with no regards for their feelings." She said the words, but felt no anger behind them - just resignation.

Killian gulped down the words, knowing it would be easier for her if she felt that way about him. He sighed and continued carrying her, pulling her tight to his chest and he felt sobs rolling out against it.

A few minutes later, he was standing in front of her door, pulling out the key from around her neck and entered, laying her down on the small twin bed. Her tears had subsided, and he went up to wet a wash cloth and came back to sit next to her, cleaning off her tears and brushed her hair back from her face.

Emma just watched all this in silence before asking, "Why don't you find me attractive?"

Killian just smiled, "That's not the problem, love. You're a siren - calling me to my death and I can't ignore your call when I'm close. My only hope is to stay away. I tasted you tonight, but you were wrapped up in rum and heartsickness. I want you, when you make your choice, to be fully aware of it."

She frowns at him, but is too tired to respond and her eyes drift close. He leans down to kiss her forehead gently, and pulls her blanket over her, with the embroidered name _Emma _in ribbons.

He stood there for a few minutes watching her sleep peacefully before reaching behind his neck and unclasping the necklace that had stayed around his neck for the past 13 years. It was something his mother had given to him, a pendant of the Archangel Raphael; she said it would guide him to love - and at five years old, he believed her whole heartedly, but had laughed it off in his teen years.

Now, looking at Emma, he understood what his mother was trying to tell him - Raphael, the patron of Love, watched over him, and guided him clearly to Emma - his siren.

He set the necklace down on the desk behind Emma's head, and took paper and a pen from the shelf.

_Emma,_

_Keep this close to you, and love will always guard you._

_Always,_

_Killian_

He pressed a kiss to it and with one last look at Emma, left the room.

* * *

_Present, Fall 2013_

Killian knocked on the ladies' apartment shortly before nine, fidgeting slightly - suddenly uncomfortable with his choice of costume. It was supposed to be ironic, but now that he was escorting Emma he found himself desperately hoping the costume gave him the courage he would need tonight. They hadn't spent Halloween together since freshman year.

The door opened and he saw Emma standing there in various shades of gold, teal, and blue - looking every bit the mermaid/Greek-Goddess. He smiled genuinely, "Swan."

She smiled back and waved him in, having already resolved to eliminate most of the awkwardness they seemed to have had the past few months. She had promised to keep tension low when they were together, she didn't need another Mary Margaret - or heaven forbid - David interrogation.

"I like your costume, Captain, but don't you think that's a bit...inappropriate?" She waved to his all-American red, white, and blue Captain America costume - complete with shield, naturally. "I would have pegged you for an Iron Man, personally."

He smiled ruefully, "My dear Swan, don't you know? Halloween is about living the dream - not dressing as who you are!"

She agreed, "True enough, that's why I'm dressed as a Siren tonight. Luring men to their deaths is a favorite fantasy of mine!"

Killian's eyes sparked in recognition, he had called her that many years ago - and the truth had not changed since then. "That's not a dream for you, Swan - that's reality. You are the very existence of a Siren."

Emma blushed as his statement, "Thanks, but maybe you should save those lines for women who are interested tonight."

He disagreed, but acquiesced all the same. Killian gestured for them to go, and held the door as she left the apartment.

* * *

They entered the bar, which had been turned into a haunted house complete with fake webs, coffins, scream tape interlaced with the pounding music, an apple bobbing station, and anything else you can think of. David knew how to market, and Halloween was a big night for bars - costume contests galore!

Emma's hand was on Killian's forearm as they walked to the bar to get their first drink. They wandered around, laughing and talking about everyone's costumes - some were the other Avengers, and of course Killian took pictures with them - others were the standard cleavage baring costumes. Others were classics like _Three Hole Punch Jim _and the Lion from the Wizard of Oz.

Killian felt a smack on his back as David finally found them, "Hey man, I definitely should have been Captain America - at least I have blonde hair. You're so wrong for the part."

Killian rolled his eyes good naturedly, and said hello to Mary Margaret, who was decked out in forest green with a plastic brown bow strapped across her back and a quiver peeking out over her shoulder. "Robin Hood?"

Mary Margaret smiled, "Yes, very good! You're the first person tonight to guess correctly. I suppose people aren't expecting a female one."

"Yeah well, at least it's not as bad as Killian's was freshman year." She snarked, and then immediately quieted and avoided his stare.

Killian was trying his best to not be affected by the mention of that night, but all he could do was remember the feel of her skin beneath his lips, the taste of her neck and tongue - the feel of her hands roaming up his back.

He blinked and looked back to find that Emma was staring at him once more, and he saw her lick her lips and stare at his. He knew she was caught up in the memory as well.

"Excuse me, I'm going to head to the ladies room." She scurried away and Killian followed her, not even bothering to come up with an excuse.

He found her hiding against the wall in front of the women's bathroom, "I'm surprised you remember that, Swan. I had thought you had forgotten - you certainly treated me as if you had."

Her eyes blazed in outrage, "_I _treated you poorly? Hah! What a joke - you were the one who stopped-"

"You were DRUNK, SWAN! What was I supposed to do, have my way with you when you weren't fully capable of making decisions? You were drunk! I stopped because of that, _not because I didn't want you."_

Emma huffed, clearly not believing him - but he was used to that and so he sighed and offered an olive branch. "Look, Swan. It's our last year, what do you say we put aside our history and attempt a friendship? Let's try something new." _I'll take what I can get of you, _Killian thought desperately.

She watched him, mulling over his offer when he suddenly smiled, "You were thinking of me when you chose this costume, weren't you? My little Siren." He flicked her hair back over her shoulder and saw her blush.

"A pirate knows how to deal with you Sirens, lass. You should be careful the next time you rib on a man's costume!"

She rolled her eyes and playfully shoved him, "Alright, _fine. _Let's try this friends thing."

_Step one, _Killian thought as he pulled her into his arms for a hug. He felt her take a deep breath, digging her nose into his chest as he did the same to her hair. _My little Swan-Siren. _

Emma pushed away and smiled, walking into the ladies' room.

Killian strolled back with confidence to where Mary Margaret and David were watching him, David raising his eyebrow in question.

He just shrugged, "Emma and I have decided to work on our friendship for the sake of the group."

Mary Margaret tsked in disapproval behind David, but Killian was far too pleased with himself to care very much about the reason right then.

Because his Swan, Emma, had agreed to open herself to his friendship.

_And what is love, but friendship set on fire? _He grinned.

* * *

**Author's Note: **phew. okay. so just fyi, in case you didn't know, the songs were _Tik Tok _by Ke$ha and _Break Your Heart _by Taio Cruz and Ludacris. They were popular songs during their freshman year (2010) and I felt they were well suited for these moments! I have had a similar moment with _Break Your Heart, _so no one go tell me that isn't realistic.

Only one person commented on the pendant from the earlier chapter, I was expecting more questions about it, but I hope that answered it partly ;D I'm looking forward to your thoughts, I struggled a _lot _with this chapter in order to get the right feelings and actions from our two idiots and I hope I did these incarnations justice to their story.

As always, let me know your thoughts! I don't have an ETA on the next chapter, so we'll play it by ear. Follow me on tumblr for updates if you're so inclined - caishakalianah, or else just PM me here!

~Caisha


	9. The Boyfriend

**Disclaimer: **The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's _Once Upon a Time's _intellectual property.

**Half of My Heart**

**_"Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find." _**

_**-The Passionate Pilgrim**_

Emma rummaged through the hangers on her closet, muttering to herself. Neal was going to be there in just under an hour and she still hadn't decided what to wear. She wasn't sure what was wrong, but she felt a bit antsy - butterflies in her stomach that normally weren't there when they went out together. Maybe it was just the formality of it all - Neal had promised to make up for missing the Halloween party on Thursday by taking her out that weekend. Emma was positively giddy - they hadn't been out for months it felt like, not since she started the semester. It was understandable, but still hard after awhile.

"You should go with something red!" Mary Margaret yelled from the bed where she was laying, her head hanging off the side as she watched Emma go through her clothes. She hadn't seen Emma quite this excited about something so simple in a while, which could be sad depending on how you viewed it. Every girl needs a special outing just for them, and Emma deserved more than she got in that regard.

Mary Margaret couldn't blame them though, this semester had been difficult and with Neal starting the new job, he was gone a lot of evenings.

"I don't even have anything red!" Emma yelled, exasperated. She finally pulled down two dresses and walked into her bedroom, holding both up for scrutiny.

Mary Margaret flipped around on her stomach and looked between the two; either a charcoal leather dress - is it considered a dress if it's leather? - or a slinky dark blue sleeveless one.

"Where are you guys going?" She asked, figuring that knowing might help decide what avenue Emma went down.

"I don't know the name, but Neal said it was an Italian restaurant near where he works - apparently it's really good, but small and kitschy."

Mary Margaret hummed, "You should go with the leather, feels more like you right now."

"How do you figure?" Emma frowned slightly, the area between her eyebrows scrunching up in thought.

"I don't know," shrugged Mary Margaret. "Just does."

Emma nodded and began putting the dress on, cursing silently at the way the lining pulled against her chest. Mary Margaret smirked at the curses, and walked over to zip her up. She fluffed Emma's hair back, "Are you going to do anything special to your hair, or have you selected any jewelry?"

"No, I'm just going to leave it down. As for jewelry, I don't know - maybe those earrings he got me for my birthday last year?"

Mary Margaret smiled and nodded, sitting cross-legged on the bed once more. "So, have you talked to Killian recently?"

Emma started a bit at the seemingly innocent question; she knew it wasn't completely innocent - Mary Margaret and David both thought something weird was going on. "Not since Halloween, why?"

"Just curious, you guys seemed to be friendlier that night so I was hoping you had resolved whatever was going on." Mary Margaret tried to keep her voice casual, but curiosity was getting the better of her.

Emma shrugged, "We are, but that doesn't mean we're suddenly talking every day - it's only been a few days. Besides, why do you suddenly care?" She was cautious in her answer, because while it was true that they had more or less tentatively decided to start fresh as friends she still didn't quite trust him or think that it would ever develop into true friendship.

"Just making conversation," Mary Margaret plucked at a thread on the blanket she was laying on.

Emma hummed, but left it at that as she snapped the earring back into place. Turning towards Mary Margaret she gestured her hand up and down across her body, "Well? How do I look?"

"Nope! You know the drill, you have to twirl. It is tradition."

Sighing good-naturedly, Emma did a small twirl for her best friend.

"You look stunning! It looks like your mascara smudged just a bit though, your long eyelashes aren't doing you any favors right now. One second, I'll go grab something to fix it." Mary Margaret held up her hand and dashed into the bathroom to grab a q-tip and some makeup remover. As she shook up the bottle, she noticed a new necklace on the counter. She picked it up and saw that it was an oval shaped Saint pendant. It had to be Emma's - no one else had been in there. Shrugging, she walked back into the bedroom.

As Mary Margaret finished swabbing Emma's under eye of the faint black smudges, there was a series of knocks at their door. Emma's face broke into a grin and told Mary Margaret to go let him in as she got her shoes on.

Mary Margaret opened the door to a Neal with a shy smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers in his hand. She just smiled and gestured him inside.

Emma walked out to meet him and frowned briefly at the flowers, as if surprised to see them, but immediately switched to a grin as she noticed Neal's slight nervousness. "Wow, it's like you've never taken a girl on a date before."

Neal ducked his head a bit, "Well, you know, I'm still thinking you're upset with me and I don't know how to deal with that."

"We've been together like five years and you don't know how to deal with me when I'm upset?" Emma raised her eyebrow at him, but he just shook his head and thrust the flowers at her. She smiled and bent in to kiss his cheek before walking to the kitchen to grab a vase.

She could hear Neal's shuffling as she prepared it, "So you uh, ready to go?"

"Sure." Emma waved goodbye to Mary Margaret and walked out the front door that Neal was holding open for her.

He rushed ahead of her once they reached the ground floor, to unlock the bug and help her inside. It was a small gesture, but Emma appreciated the thoughtfulness - Neal wasn't normally like this, and she wondered what was up.

* * *

"So I walk in one night, and the guy actually has a fucking wooden wheel thing, like for spinning thread? You know what I'm talking about?" Neal asked.

"Like a spindle, like the one from Sleeping Beauty?"

"YEAH! That's what it was, anyway I walked in expecting it to be empty since the shop was closed and we were just switching out shifts in the back, when I flipped on the lights and saw the dude actually spinning thread. What is that?! It's 2013, not 1529." Neal slapped the table laughing, causing the wine in the glasses to jostle a bit.

Emma smiled, enjoying his enthusiasm. "That does seem a bit unusual - but you _did _say he was eccentric so I supposed we shouldn't really be surprised."

Neal nodded, smile on his face, "So what about you? How are classes going - midterms yet?"

"Yeah, midterms were over a few weeks ago," Emma noted sadly. Her boyfriend didn't even remember why she had been missing so much the past two weeks - studying for the tests. "But I've been working a lot with my adviser - he's helping me prepare for the LSATs."

"When are you taking those, then?"

"There's a test in early December, which will be my one shot really since I didn't want to do the one earlier in the semester. I'm starting my study regimen next week, though." Emma watched Neal's face as she delivered the news that she'd be spending more of her time at the library, knowing how much he hated that.

"Ah, well that's...that's good." Neal rubbed the back of his neck, and Emma could tell he was just trying to keep the situation light and away from her time commitment issues.

Emma grabbed his hand that was laying on the table, "Hey, this is just one of those periods in life where school is the full time commitment. I know it isn't ideal, but we'll move past this right?"

Neal rubbed his thumb across her hand, "I know we will, but it just feels like lately even when you're here...you're not with me."

Emma's heart stopped momentarily, wondering if he was seeing things as Mary Margaret and David had. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I'll always be here, with you. We've been together too long to give up now, yeah?"

Neal nodded, bringing her hand to his lips. "Of course, always."

Taking her hand back, she shifted gears. "Good news is, Christmas is going to be great! I'm really looking forward to the break."

Neal started laughing, "Yeah, I remember how Christmas is especially fond to you - accomplice to your very first felony!"

"It was not a felony!" Emma started, laughing a bit.

"It damn well was, Emma. You just stood there as I hot wired a yellow bug just because you thought it looked cute." He punched her arm a bit, "You were so cute at sixteen. I can't imagine that you'd choose me over the others."

Emma cleared her throat; while she acknowledged her less than pristine history with Neal and the law, she wasn't completely comfortable joking about it - now that she was legal, she had to work twice as hard to get over all the stigma that came with being a juvenile offender, even if her records were sealed.

"Well, I'm going to be a lawyer now, so we'll have to dot our I's and cross our T's from now on!" She quipped.

Neal cleared his throat, "Ah, yeah...sure, of course babe."

Their dessert arrived - scrumptious tiramisu, Emma's favorite dessert. The sweet taste of chocolate and coffee mixed with the texture of the ladyfingers made for a delicious end to the evening.

As they were walking back up the stairs to her apartment, Emma's mind ran through the evening. Neal was surprisingly attentive and affectionate, and she felt his apology for Halloween in his every gesture. She wished he was like that more, but she would take what she could get. She felt guilty to ask for anything more while he was so stressed out about the lack of time she was committing to their relationship.

She unlocked the door and walked in, Neal following her. He latched it shut and turned around, putting his lips on hers. Emma accepted the gentle kiss, but broke it off after a few moments and looked into his eyes.

"Tell me you'll always be there for me, even when the road gets bumpy like now. I need to know you'll never leave me." She kept brushing the back of his neck with her fingers, face anxious.

He just smirked, "Don't be so sappy, Emma. What kind of question is that?" And at that he dragged her into her bedroom.

* * *

Killian fumbled with the over sized bag he had slung across his chest, trying to pull out the key he had received yesterday. He cursed the fact that the library still used an archaic key system, and vowed to donate money for technological upgrades upon his graduation. He finally snatched at the brown leather string that was attached to the key and pulled it out, victoriously shouting.

He was immediately shushed by what appeared to be a freshman girl at the table near the entrance, and he looked at her with his eyebrows raised and she just jerk her head back to her book.

"NO! Are you kidding me? I've had it reserved for _two weeks. _I even confirmed yesterday!"

Killian turned towards the loud voice, amused that the woman wasn't getting shushed by the freshman at his right. He walked towards the desk where a lithe blonde in jeans and a leather jacket stood. Her hair was in a ponytail, and while Killian enjoyed it down so he could play with the locks, he certainly appreciated the aesthetics - and her visible neck. _All the better to kiss, my dear. _He laughed at his own joke, and Emma turned around and fixed him with a glare that silenced him immediately.

"What are _you _doing here?" Emma growled out, not happy at him seeing her so riled up.

"Studying, of course! I decided to take a page out of your book and spend some time here. It is my last year after all. I think the more interesting question is why are you so riled up?" He gestured to the librarian who was watching them apprehensively. She didn't seem to know what to do with Emma's situation.

"I'm trying to get into the study carousel room _that I had an appointment for." _She threw a look towards the librarian, "But apparently they lost the appointment so now I'm stuck with the general populace and I really really need absolute silence to focus on this."

"So our corner is out of the question, then?" Killian asked, looking at her with amusement.

"We have a corner?" Emma started, and then remembered the only other time he'd come to the library was with her on the third floor. She shook her head, "No, I had planned for more space and the sound proofing."

Killian chuckled a bit, he didn't realize she needed such silence in order to study, but she was clearly a bit more frazzled - probably not just from this situation, knowing her; not that she'd be telling him anytime soon. "Well, you're welcome to join me in mine." He held up the brass key to the room he had reserved for the rest of the year, "That is, if you can deign to be in the same room with me." He winked.

Emma's mouth dropped a little bit, staring at his face - trying to gauge his intentions. She finally agreed, quietly, and gathered her things. If they were going to be friends, they had to start by not being awkward around each other; even though she felt it was probably more her feeling awkward than anything else.

Killian smiled, watching her pick up her bags; he would've offered to carry them, but knew Emma was more likely to glare at him for it than anything else and didn't want to push his good fortune.

He gestured to the elevator and she brushed past him, leaving a scent of vanilla and violet on his nose. He breathed it in deeply before he was snapped out of it by a loud throat clear. Killian looked over at her, holding the elevator door for him with a quizzical expression, "Sorry Swan, just lost in my own thoughts." He got in beside her and as the doors closed she asked him what he was doing there, all the while refusing to look at him - apparently finding the metal doors much more compelling.

"Ah well, turns out senior year isn't all puppy dogs and rainbows - there's quite a bit of intensive studying I have to do in order to prepare for my internship. Of course, that's assuming I get it." Killian's voice dropped at the last statement, as if he wasn't completely sure of himself.

Emma looked at him, moving to reassure him, but the elevator had arrived at the sixth floor and she stepped off. "So which one do you have reserved?" She gestured to the row of private rooms.

Killian handed her the key, "Last one on the right, lass."

She just grabbed it and marched to the room, unlocking the heavy door. While she thought the system was archaic - actual brass keys and heavy wooden doors, she still liked the aesthetic behind the rooms. The floors were actual hardwood, a deep brown that opened to a large window with a thick window bench. There were two chairs and one large table in the center.

"Wow, this seems...nicer than the others I've been in, what's up with that?" She looked towards Killian, who suddenly looked slightly uncomfortable.

"Oh, just talked to one of the people that run the library and explained my situation. They seemed more than happy to set me up with this room. Apparently that's the only key aside from the cleaning crew's." He rubbed the back of his neck and placed his bag on the desk, pulling out several sketchpads and flimsy notebooks.

Emma just watched him, wondering why he wasn't being truthful with her. "There's more to it than that."

"What can I say, Swan? That's the truth." He flopped into the chair opposite of where she stood, and muttered, "Money can make a surprising number of things happen."

He wasn't sure if she heard him or not, so he pulled out his tablet and stylus, bringing up his agenda for the day. He had several deadlines to hit, both for the internship and the program, and he didn't want to get distracted.

Emma watched him as she herself got settled in for a long study session. She had heard his quip about money, and while she knew he was fairly well off, she hadn't known he was _that _kind of wealthy. The kind that the phrase _money speaks _was born from. She wasn't surprised, except she was - at least at his embarrassment on the subject, as if he didn't want her to really know much about it.

"Penny for your thoughts?" His voice broke her out of her reverie, and she looked at him.

"I was just wondering why you looked so uncomfortable when you mentioned how you got the room so easily, the money thing…." She trailed off, the look in his face making her confused. He was looking at her as if she had just given him the most precious gift in the world.

"I don't feel comfortable talking about it, most people see me differently and it's not something I really want to focus on." Inside, he was positively giddy. She almost never engaged in conversation with him, usually it was full of glares and tension and charged moments; this time it was almost simple. It didn't seem like she was fully there, but she was trying to be his friend.

"I can understand that - we all have things we'd rather hide from people; they can make you seem different to the outside world, when in reality you are who you always have been to them." His sentiment resonated deeply with her, she never wanted to be seen as that poor little orphan foster child, abandoned by everyone who was supposed to care for her. She had moved on, found a new family in David and Mary Margaret and Neal, and didn't want people looking at her any other way.

"Indeed, but that begs the question - what are you hiding from people, Swan?" He looked at her intently, fingers absentmindedly spinning the pencil in his right hand.

Emma stared right back at him, then turned to her bag and pulled out her LSAT guide book.

Killian sighed and accepted the nonverbal communication, and went back to work.

Over the course of the next half hour, the room was filled with Emma's groans and huffs, and hair pulling. Killian had been studiously leaving her to her privacy, but after forty five minutes he finally broke. He threw his book on the table so it made a loud noise, startling Emma. "Okay, Swan. What's wrong?"

Emma groaned at the question and slammed her face into the open book on the desk. "Logic games are stupid." Her voice was muffled by the book, but she made no effort to change her position.

Killian found it adorable, even though she was so frustrated. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you're quite cute when you're stressed."

That did the trick, and Emma picked her head up just to scowl at his grinning face.

He took the opportunity to grab her study guide and find out for himself what these 'logic games' were. Apparently, it was a section on the Law School Admission Test (LSATs for short) that measured analytical reasoning; called logic games for short, they were basically scenarios where you had to map out the premise and answer questions based on relationships to said premise. Apparently, it was the hardest section and therefore the one requiring the most practice and preparation. No wonder his Swan was frustrated.

He ignored her now-curious looks as he took his pencil and ripped a piece of paper from his notebook, and started working on one of the examples.

_An advertising executive must schedule the advertising during a particular television show. Seven different consecutive time slots are available for advertisements during a commercial break, and are numbered one through seven in the order that they will be aired. Seven different advertisements – B, C, D, F, H, J, and K – must be aired during the show. Only one advertisement can occupy each time slot. The assignment of the advertisements to the slots is subject to the following restrictions:_

_B and D must occupy consecutive time slots._

_B must be aired during an earlier time slot than K._

_D must be aired during a later time slot than H._

_If H does not occupy the fourth time slot, then F must occupy the fourth time slot._

_K and J cannot occupy consecutively numbered time slots._

Ten minutes later, Emma was still watching him, his head bowed in intense scrutiny of the paper. Finally he raised his head and handed her the paper and the book. "Check it, see if I'm correct."

Emma blinked slowly and glanced at his paper that had answers to the six questions pertaining to the logic game. She flipped to the answer page and checked them; stilling, she looked up at him, "They're all right, how'd you do that?"

He smiled, not cockily, just acknowledging her shock, "What can I say, I'm good at abstract thinking?"

Her mouth continued to gape, Emma was not expecting him to be quite this prolific with school. She was smart, of course - obviously - but she had to work exceptionally hard at a lot of things. Killian seemed to take most things in stride, and if he worked hard it didn't show. She grudgingly admitted to being impressed.

Killian thought for a few moments before asking, "Is this something you would like help with? I don't mind tutoring you, helping you out with these things if that's something you would like…." He trailed off, not sure how she would take the offer. He wanted to help her as a friend, as he would any of his friends, but he wouldn't deny that the excuse to be with her more often - alone - was an encouraging thought.

Emma dropped her eyes from his and looked down at his perfectly mapped out logic game, weighing the pros and cons. Ultimately she admitted that she needed help, she was woefully under-prepared for this section and he seemed eager...and skilled. "Alright."

One little word was all it took for Killian to yelp in excitement, shifting from uncertainty to absolute giddiness. He was going to have a legitimate excuse to see her alone at least once a week - it was absolutely a gift from whatever was watching over him.

"So, when do you want to start, Swan?"

* * *

**Author's Note: **Yeah, I ended it there. I have plans for the rest of their day and it made sense to blend it into another chapter instead of tacking it on to this one. This one's job was done =)

This one was less intense than the previous, because _duh_ - hard to top that one in intensity! We're in for an interesting 4-5 chapters now, hope yall are ready. There will be more of Neal now, just a heads up. Not more than Killian, of course, but more than there has been previously.

As always, feel free to come poke me in PMs or on tumblr - caishakalianah is the url.

~Caisha


	10. The Study Carrel

**Disclaimer:**The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's _Once Upon a Time's _intellectual property.

**Half of My Heart**

_**"Who we are now is all that really matters." **_

_**-The Academie**_

Emma looked over at Killian, but not at his face - just at his hands; she had always assumed that the only skills he had were in drawing, thus the architecture degree. Architecture wasn't engineering, it didn't require in depth mathematical analysis - it was design and function and eloquence. He liked to draw, but wasn't an artist - he wanted to design; she also assumed that he had just gotten into this University - particularly an Ivy League university - with donations and not on his own merit.

She had barely received admission and her grades were miraculously flawless and she had a trouble background that made for good reading and guilt trips for the admissions council. David was just really good at standardized tests and wouldn't go anywhere without her.

So imagine her surprise when she finds out that not only was he physically in a library - _for studying purposes _- that he also was capable of picking up and achieving something in ten minutes what she still struggled with in forty-five. She sighed, irritated, "Can we start now? I had three hours blocked off and apparently I'm going to need a lot more time on these than I had anticipated...help me get started, at least?"

Killian just smiled at her - no particular emotions behind it, just a simple smile - and nodded his head. He turned to rummage in the drawer under the table that held the dry erase markers and other various study aids and pulled out two colors. Turning back to her he saw her eyebrows raised in a silent question.

He bowed a little bit, "I always wanted to be a teacher, and you're fulfilling my dreams right now!"

Emma just rolled her eyes, "You did not want to be a teacher."

"Okay, maybe not, but I won't deny that I'm going to have fun with this." Killian shrugged and pointed towards the book. "So, what do you think these logic games are designed to test? Let's start there."

Emma leaned back in her chair, dropping the book on the table, "We're not going to start with the actual, you know, _questions?"_

Killian shook his head, "Nope. You've read and reread the sections and questions and the game itself, and still are struggling with it. It is clear that you need a greater insight on the actual objective of the section itself."

Tilting her head, Emma just stared at him.

"Come on, lass, just have a little faith. If you don't like your progress you can drop me like a bad habit after today."

Emma smiled grudgingly, "Alright, fine. Wow me!" Crossing her arms, she answered his question. "The logic game section is to test your analytical skills."

"Well, yes, but technically all of them do, right? I'm no expert in the test, but I'd imagine most of the questions on a test for law school admissions revolve around analyzing various things."

She glared at him, "So, get to the point?"

Smiling at her annoyance, he went to sit on the window bench. "Emma, have you ever heard of the concept of _Zen?"_

"No."

"In classes, have you ever not had an answer to the professor's question, even if you didn't speak it out loud?" Killian watched her, the confused wrinkle between her eyebrows making an appearance. He wondered if he was testing her patience, but was not going to pass up this opportunity to simultaneously help her and get to know her at the same time.

"Yes, I usually have the correct answer in my head." She huffed, clearly annoyed; she wasn't a know-it-all in the sense that she always had to _say _the answer, but she definitely always knew it.

"Can I ask you a question then?" Emma waved her hand to continue. "What is love?"

She opened her mouth in shock at the question, closing it again after a few moments. Killian just sat there watching her as she went through the stages - confusion, anger at the question, the struggle to come up with an answer, and the shock at not really knowing.

"I...I don't know how to define it." Emma finally answered as she leaned back towards the table, sitting up straight as if he had her attention now and not just her compliance.

"Right! That's an example of a Zen question - one that doesn't necessarily have a straight forward answer. Things that are to define, that have varying levels of explanation, or that change from person to person."

"So I'm not supposed to know?" She raised her eyebrow, silently calling bullshit.

"No, it's that the concept is supposed to be hard for you to explain - multiple layers to it."

Emma huffed, "Well, what's _your _answer then?"

"All in due time, Swan; let's focus on this though. You see, logic games are analytical, to be sure, but they have _layers _and multiple possibilities which is clearly why you're having such a problem with them. You are too linear in thinking," Emma opened up her mouth to argue the point, but Killian stopped her. "I'm not saying that's a bad thing! But as a lawyer you'll have to see the various options on the table, not just the obvious ones - _that _is what this section is testing. Your ability to see all the ways one problem could be solved or explained."

Killian uncapped the red marker and waved it around, continuing, "So, what is the first part then of any problem in this section?"

Emma looked down at her book and answered, "It's the setup, they're setting the scene of the problem."

He nodded, "Right, so they're telling you what is going on - in this problem, some guy has to order and sell various commercials but - as in real life - those commercial owners have certain stipulations. There are two car commercials and they can't be back to back, the promo has to either come in the middle or at the beginning or end, and so on."

"So, in this scenario the restrictions listed are like the ones the company puts on this executive? Got it, I understand the concept of the set up, but how do I answer the questions?"

To that, Killian held out the blue marker, "Bring the book and let's work through it on the board."

She went to stand by him, in front of a fairly small whiteboard on the wall and she felt her heart beat a little bit faster. Emma tried to tell the rushing of the blood to slow down, but he turned to look at her and she saw his lips moving. He smelled _really _good, she wondered what scent he wore if any.

Killian put his hand on her shoulder and shook it gently, snapping her out of her zone. "You alright there? Get dizzy standing up?"

Emma licked her lips, still watching his own, "No, I'm fine. Let's do this."

Ten minutes later, Killian had shown her how to translate the restrictions into simple letter symbols so she could easily reference them on the test without all the words tripping her up. != meant does not equal or isn't possible, = means must be true or interchangeable, and using - arrows to denote orders that have to happen. It took a while to get used to the concept, but Emma couldn't deny it would ultimately be easier and was amazed that he had done all this without any prior knowledge of testing strategies - who was this guy?

"So now that you have it all set up, we get to look at the questions - here's where your linear thinking is going to be difficult to overcome - you have to see all options and not get shoe horned into only one." He gestured to the book she was holding, "Read the first question to me."

"'Which of the following could be a possible list of the advertisements in the order that they are aired?' I actually already understand this one - it's just outlining each possibility based on logic and the restrictions. Next one?"

He nodded, "Okay, well which one did you think was the hardest to understand conceptually and we can start there?"

"Definitely the fourth one:

_If C is assigned to the third time slot, then each of the_

_following could be true EXCEPT:_

_(A) B is assigned to the fifth time slot._

_(B) D is assigned to the sixth time slot._

_(C) F is assigned to the fourth time slot._

_(D) J is assigned to the first time slot._

_(E) K is assigned to the second time slot._

Killian hummed, thinking about the best strategy for explaining. "Well, let's start with the simplest way - process of elimination. Why don't you work through the options with the parameter given - C must equal the third time slot - and then we'll work through the answers?"

Emma handed the book to Killian, who took it and moved to the window bench. He was in awe; she actually trusted him to work with her on something for her future. Watching her, he mourned that this was the first time they had actually ever interacted with something academic. Killian had seen the surprise on her face when he had proven his capabilities earlier, and instead of being wounded he took great pride in showing her the other side - the one that yearned for intellectual capacity and conversation.

Emma groaned and rolled her head on the whiteboard and Killian chuckled softly. She turned to him, "What's so funny! You're supposed to be _helping _me!"

His soft chuckles turned into full blown laughter as he saw her forehead, which was covered in smeared blue ink. "Swan, I _am _helping you. Also, you have some marker on your forehead, might want to clean it off."

She waved her hand, "No, let's finish this I'll wash it in the bathroom later."

Smiling at her stubbornness he moved towards her work. 'You're having problems thinking of any other options than just this one aren't you?"

Emma sighed, "Basically. I don't get it! That's the only option - having H in the fourth slot!"

"Read the rules again, do they really say 'H must be 4th'?"

"No...it says 'If H does not occupy the fourth time slot, then F must occupy the fourth time slot.' - how did I miss that?" Emma growled and went to sit on the table, pouting a little bit.

"You didn't 'miss it', Swan, you just didn't read far enough - you stopped at the first option and didn't move on to the next. You just have to remember that there are multiple options - remembering, logic games are Zen questions with multiple definitions and roads to go down."

"I'm beginning to see why everyone loathes these things on the test," Emma muttered. "So how are you so good at this then, you barely have any knowledge of the test?"

Killian just shrugged, "I'm more about concept and fluidity than lines and rigidness - my job requires me to see more than just one way or else we'd all be in very boring buildings and houses with no innovation. I guess my mind just works like this."

"Maybe you're the one who should be a lawyer," Emma joked.

"No, couldn't do it - believe it or not, you are a far better person than I could ever be."

"Being a lawyer isn't about being a good person - that's doctors."

"Maybe some lawyers, but I know you Swan, you'll want to be the type that goes after criminals and such. I would be the type defending them."

Emma watched his body language get more guarded as he talked. She had never seen him do anything overtly immoral or unlawful - compared with her less than pristine juvenile record he was a saint from her viewpoint.

Killian felt her eyes on him and shifted uncomfortably for once, "No matter, basically you will be a wonderful lawyer - you have the spirit for it. We just have to get you past this bloody test. Now, let's continue walking through the questions."

An hour later, they had finally finished with the first game and Emma was exhausted, "I didn't expect this to be _that _hard. The rest of the sections are just reading and positing a scenario like you do in any English class." She turned around and threw the book onto Killian's stomach.

Killian had long ago decided to lay down on the table - Emma was not the best student in terms of patience - and made a grunting sound when it landed, but otherwise didn't move his arm from his eyes as he responded. "Don't worry about it too much, Swan, that's why you're practicing - I'm sure most people focus on this section since it's a bit more complicated than others. Once you understand the concepts, it'll be easier to cut down on the time you spend with each one."

That was the crux of the matter; Emma was stressed out because it had taken an hour to do what she would have to do in 6-10 minutes. The LSAT's were a timed tested, and she didn't have much time per problem to actually do it properly. It was stressing her out already, leading to Killian's exasperation.

She pulled a chair out and sunk down, mentally exhausted as well; not caring about propriety she leaned her head down to use his arm as a pillow, resting her hands in her lap.

Killian's heart started speeding up again - it had calmed down when he finally had to step away and lay down on the table, using the excuse that he was exasperated - but really, he just wasn't fully capable of being that close to her - _just _her - and not doing something. Now, with her head resting on his arm and her hair brushing his hand, he found himself in the same exact situation as before.

They laid there for ten minutes before Killian said her name, but she didn't respond. He smiled; she must have fallen asleep. Hardly a comfortable position for him - not being able to move his arm - but he took what he could, and that she was comfortable enough to fall asleep in his presence was enough for him.

Figuring they had at least one more hour before she had to go, he settled his arm back across his eyes to block the light and fell asleep.

* * *

_Baby, I'll give you everything you need_

_I'll give you everything you need, oh_

_I'll give you everything you need_

_But I don't think I need you_

The song accompanied a buzzing in Emma's back pocket, waking her up; she blinked as she realized she must have fallen asleep - _on Killian, _but probably best to ignore that part of the equation. She pulled out her phone and swiped it to answer, already knowing it was Neal - that was his ring tone, one of her favorite Ellie Goulding songs.

"Hey there." Emma tried to sound perky, like she hadn't just woken up from an hour long impromptu nap on the arm of a man she hadn't trusted in three years. Alone. In a private study room in the corner of an unused floor. She knew how it would look if he pressed her for explanations.

"Hey babe, how's the studying going?" Neal's voice filtered through, and Emma smiled at his simple question.

"It's been a bit complicated, but I think I finally made some progress. Killian let me use his study room in the library since my reservation was obviously ignored." If she sounded grumpy, it's because she was.

Neal chuckled, "Well that sounds like Killian, always accommodating the ladies. I'm on my way to work and just wanted to see how you were, since you've been away all day."

Though he said he was just checking in, Emma knew that was his slight dig at the fact that she wasn't around again enough for him. Sighing, she replied, "Thanks, I'm alright. I'm just about to leave actually." She looked down at Killian, who remarkably hadn't woken up yet. "Just wrapping up a few things, when do you get off tomorrow?"

"Like 6AM I think," Neal replied.

"Why don't we have an early breakfast, I'll meet you there and we can go walk to the diner or something."

"No! No, let's just meet at the diner. You don't have to come to the shop, that's out of your way."

Emma frowned, "Oh, okay. Well, I'm going to get out of here - I think the library is closing soon. Have a goodnight."

"Thanks babe, love you."

"Love you, too." At that, Emma hit end call and stared at the phone in her lap, thinking. They had just talked about how she was going to try to be more available and here she was falling asleep on her brother's roommate in a study session. Sighing, she looked at Killian who had apparently turned on his side when she relinquished his arm.

She reached out and shook his shoulder a bit to wake him up, "Killian, wake up it's time to go."

A grumble came from his mouth and he rolled over - but the wrong way, and hit Emma's lap which put him on wide awake status and he flailed a bit before sliding down between her legs and the table ledge, landing on the floor. Emma started laughing at the prolonged fall, "Well that wasn't exactly graceful, Jones. Do you always wake up like this?"

Killian stayed down on his stomach, trying to recover from the embarrassment, "Surprisingly no, I surmise that it is just your touch that does it, Swan."

Emma rolled her eyes and stood up, starting to pack her bag, "Well, you can lie there all you want, but I should get going."

"What time is it?"

"Around 7, I think." At that, muffled curses hit her ears and he crawled from under the table and popped up to start packing with her.

"Bloody hell, I didn't think we'd sleep for that long."

Emma scoffed, "Why'd you let me sleep at all? I had studying to do!"

Killian stopped and blinked at her, "I don't think you really understand how difficult it is to bring you out of a peaceful state such as that, Swan. I didn't have the heart."

Her head dropped down in slight awkwardness, "Well, ah, let's go then. You're the one with the key."

Holding it in front of her to confirm, he walked over to the door and held it open while she walked by him. He locked it and they walked to the elevator.

Emma's face was set in concentration and Killian asked, "What's on your mind there, Swan?"

"I was wondering, well, would you mind helping me out with the LSAT studying? Maybe a little? It's just once a week really, and only the logic games I think, I mean I don't want to put-"

Killian held up a finger to her mouth, stopping her rant. "Of course I wouldn't mind that, friends offer their services, right? You don't have to feel so awkward about it."

Emma pushed his hand off her mouth, muttering, "I don't feel awkward about it."

"Right, Swan. You can't fool me; you're somewhat of an open book in this." Killian smirked at her and stepped onto the elevator after she got on.

"So, what about just the same day every week? Say Tuesday? You seem to be free around this time." Emma offered as a segue.

Killian nodded, "Sure lass, that sounds good. Every Tuesday, what time?" The elevator doors open.

"Let's say 5pm? About the same time as before." Emma walked out of the elevator as she heard Killian's response.

"As you wish, Swan."

Emma sighed, knowing that if she had been watching him he would have been doing his little bow. He does it on purpose, making her uncomfortable.

They walked out of the library into the cool nighttime air, and Killian turned to her, "Hey do you know what today is?"

"Tuesday, Jones. We just went over this."

Laughing, he replies, "No, like the actual _date_." He watched her carefully.

"Ummm, November fifth I think?" Emma stood there staring at him in confusion.

Killian jumped up, "Oh come _ON, SWAN! _NOVEMBER FIFTH!"

Emma crossed her arms in response, a stern look on her face, "No Jones, I have no idea what you're talking about. If I did, I'd tell you just so you would stop acting like a five year old."

He stopped jumping and took on a serious face, "Remember, remember, the Fifth of November, the Gunpowder Treason and Plot. I know of no reason why the Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot…"

Emma just watched him, puzzled.

Sighing, Killian finally acquiesced to her confusion, "One of the greatest movies, Swan! _V for Vendetta!" _As he says the movie's title, he slashes the air like in a sword for, each word punctuated with one. "That's it; you absolutely have to watch it. It is clear you haven't."

Emma shook her head, "No, I don't have the time!"

"Think of it as part of your education, Swan! I demand it, as your tutor." Killian turned to look at her dead on, leaning close to her and locking eyes.

Emma crossed her arms, but refused to move. They stood there staring at each other, the cold air wrapping around them as their stubbornness battled each other's.

Finally, Emma caved, "Fine! Okay okay I'll watch it, just let me know when and I'll come over."

Killian grinned and finally leaned back. "Deal," he looked at her, but didn't move and neither did she. He was about to ask her to join him at a viewing party that evening for it, but knew that she wanted to get home. He also preferred the thought of watching it with her alone in his apartment. He knew David hated that movie and would make himself scarce. He shook his head and as he walked by he leaned up to her ear and whispered, "We better get going, I think we're out past curfew, don't want to get caught!"

Emma was stunned, but turned around to follow him. Again she was agreeing to things she shouldn't be, and didn't know how to stop herself. All she knew was that at least he would get her through the semester and the test, and after that she could reassess how much time she was spending with him. Friendship is one thing, but she hardly spent this much time alone with _Neal_ and he was her _boyfriend._

Yes, just a few more months and then she'd deal with it.

* * *

**Author's Note: **phew, okay. first session done, and a rendezvous planted. The song that was Neal's ringtone is _Anything Could Happen _by Ellie Goulding. Have a listen, I felt it was pretty appropriate for Neal/Emma. Sooo, what'd you guys think?! Let me know =)

The whole zen question thing was _totally _taken from a life experience, and I was 100% Emma in this scene. I literally sputtered, lol (not like spit, but babbling?)

OH! And if you're curious, I will send you the full logic game problem so you guys can test your mad skillz. I just didn't think that putting them all there and having them working through each one would hold your attention! Just send a PM or ask on tumblr - I might just post them all on tumblr without an ask so people can geek out with me on them.

as always, feel free poke me on tumblr (caishakalianah) or PMs here! Always happy to chat about the story or whatever you want.

~Caisha


	11. The Study Sessions

**Disclaimer:**The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's _Once Upon a Time's_intellectual property.

**Half of My Heart**

_**"Here's to real heroes, not the ones who carry us off into the sunset but the ones who help us choose our princes."**_

_**- E.M. Tippets**_

The engine of the yellow bug churned quietly for a car that was so old. It just kept puttering on without any extreme maintenance - just oil changes and tires. Even the paint seemed to be holding up. Emma wasn't really sure how, but it kept on driving - despite Neal's neglect.

They drove in comfortable silence, he was going to work and she was headed to the library. Another session with Killian, because despite her better judgment he was turning out to be quite the tutor; besides, she only needed to endure a few more weeks of it before she took her tests and could put it behind her.

She looked over at Neal, who was humming under his breath as he usually did; smiling, she grabbed his right hand that was laying between them and squeezed gently. He met her eyes briefly before going back to the road, expression not changing.

He pulled his hand away to shift unnecessarily, and clearing his throat he asked, "So why is Killian tutoring you again? He doesn't even know anything about the test."

Emma's head fell back, sighing. They had talked about this ad nauseum for the past week, ever since she met him for breakfast the morning after. "He just seems really gifted for this particular part of the test, I don't know. He offered, and I progressed - so I asked him to help out some more. It'll only be a few weeks, we've been over this."

"Yeah, it'll be a few weeks to _you, _but what about him? He's bad at taking no for an answer, Emma." Neal glanced at her as he pulled up to the courtyard's curb and put the car in park.

Emma unbuckled her seatbelt and turned to face him, "Neal, why are you being so protective all of a sudden? Five years of showing no concern to full throttle overbearing - what's up with that?"

He huffed, "Just - he's bad news, Emma. You should know better. I don't know why you're messing with him all of a sudden."

"Fine. Duly noted, I'll see you later." Without waiting for a response, she grabbed her bag and got out of the car, slamming the door behind her. There had been light rain during the day, so she was careful of the wet pavement as she walked towards the library.

She tried to avoid thinking about Neal, who for five years had never expressed even the slightest interest in who she hung out with or studied with, but now that it was Killian he had to exert condescending statements? She huffed, as if she wasn't aware that Killian had a bit of a reputation. She also knew, though, that he was always himself - just Killian. He was open about who he was and what he wanted, and Emma admired that in some small part of her.

She pushed open the wooden library door and got hit with a wave of heat, prompting her to take off her jacket as she walked to the elevators. Checking her phone she was it was ten past five and muttered a few expletives. Neal's little whining session had made her late, and though she was sure Killian wouldn't have left she still hated to be late to appointments

As the elevator doors opened to the study carrel's floor, her legs walked faster than a normal pace to get to the corner room. She paused in front of the door without a window to smooth her hair back and adjust her blouse and bag. Taking a calm breath, she opened the door.

Killian was sitting in one of the wooden chairs with his feet propped up on the table in front of him, his entire body angled towards the door. As the door opened, he kept his eyes trained on the book in front of him.

Emma stood in the doorway watching him read silently, face set in concentration. Quietly, she closed the door and put her bag on the desk, taking a seat opposite him.

A few moments passed before Killian's voice hit her ears, "You're late."

She cleared her throat, "Yeah, sorry...Neal and I had an...impromptu discussion. Won't happen again."

At her last statement, Killian's eyes flickered up to watch her face, "I don't think I need to know about your dalliances with the boyfriend, Swan."

Before she could correct his assumption, he asked "No sooner spoken than broken, what is it?"

Blinking, Emma just stared at him.

He continued to look at her before waving his hand, "Swan, it's a brain teaser to get your head in the game - your _discussion _with Neal has probably thrown it off a bit. So the question is - what is no sooner spoken than broken? I'll get set up while you think about it."

Killian pulled his feet off the table and began looking through her study guide book again. He had prepared a few things for today, but hadn't really expected to be so serious. Her innocent reminder that she was very much taken had snapped him into teacher mode in order to prevent his emotions from bubbling to the surface. She didn't need a girlfriend to chat with right now, she needed help with her future - Killian was trying to keep that in mind.

He had just selected a simple problem when Emma piped up, "Is it silence? The thing that is broken as soon as it's spoken?"

Killian met her eyes, shocked a little bit that she had played along with his random warm up - but pleased that she had answered correctly. He grinned at her and nodded. She was obviously pleased with herself as well, since she returned his grin.

He handed her the book and blue marker - instructing her to outline the problem without addressing any of the questions yet. He gave her 10 minutes.

Emma turned to the whiteboard and bit her lip slightly, trying to remember the short cuts that they had gone over the previous week. She had practiced between sessions, of course, but she hadn't used the symbols and was now a bit lost.

_ An industrial electrician attaches exactly seven components— designated S, T, V, W, X, Y, and Z—to a circuit board in exactly seven consecutive steps; exactly one component is attached per step. Each component is attached exactly once, and each is attached either by hand or by machine, but not both._

_ X is the fourth component attached._

_ Exactly two components are attached by hand at some time before X is attached._

_ No component is attached by hand before T is attached._

_ W is attached at some time before T._

_ Y is attached at some time after both Z and S._

_ The sixth component attached is attached by hand._

She had read the problem at least three times by now, and between each one she would cast a glance back at Killian who had shifted in position and was now sitting on the window bench with the original book in his hand.

"What's the roadblock, Swan? It's been five minutes and you've not written anything." Killian didn't bother looking up, not trusting himself to keep impartial in his job as tutor.

He heard her sigh heavily before she spoke, "It's just - there's a lot of random sentences and the context is throwing me off."

Killian looked up at her, "Context doesn't matter in these so much as understanding the basic structure - there will always be the options and the slots they go in. Don't try to create the story in your head like you do in every other section on the exam - focus on the structure of the problem." She looked at him earnestly, drinking in every word - he broke contact and looked back to his book; as much as he wanted her to listen to him, he wanted it in another context - not this one.

Emma turned back around and bit her lip again, writing the numbers one through seven on the board, and then the letters S, T, V, W, X, Y, Z vertically to create a grid like he had shown her before. She focused on the structure and not the fact that it was an electrical grid - _what even was an electrical grid? _

She then moved to the fact statements and translated to short hand:

_X=4_

_2*HH-X_

_T- any H_

_W- T_

_Z/S-Y_

_6=H._

She snapped the cap back on and turned to find Killian looking at her again. "Well? How long did that take?"

Smiling grimly, "About 25 minutes, but honestly time is not the issue right now - it's accuracy and getting you comfortable with the format. Clearly that is where your road block lies." He closed his book and walked over to her, taking the red marker and the book. He nodded to the chair, "Sit down, I'm going to see how good your short hand is."

Emma hesitated and he explained further, "I haven't read the problem, and ideally you only will read it once - to write down the short cuts - before you start answering questions. So, I'm going to answer the questions without reading your problem and see how accurate I am."

Emma backed up a little and sat on the table, crossing her legs to watch him work. "Can I time you?" She heard him hum in agreement which meant he had already started.

She fiddled with her phone to bring up the stop watch and hit start. She took the opportunity to check her messages - four texts from Neal, which she closed without dwelling on.

Instead, Emma sat quietly and watched Killian work the problems; she was still amazed that he had agreed to take time out of his schedule to work with her - taking the friend thing to heart was not something she had truly believed he would do. Nonetheless, here they were; he was prepping with her - made her wonder why he didn't just go into law himself. They could be permanent study-buddies, and at that she chuckled.

Emma couldn't imagine he'd want her around for that long - he clearly got bored easily, she was just the new toy of the semester; something new to bat around until being putting back on the shelf. It was unfair to think of it that way, but Emma found it was easier to understand his actions if she attributed it to boredom.

"Stop the timer please, Swan." His voice brought her mind to the present and she fumbled for her phone and hit stop.

"Six minutes! Wow, that was really fast. That's like a minute per question - how were my notes?"

Killian scratched the back of his neck, "Well, they weren't bad but you still missed some crucial notes - let's just walk through the questions. I think you're starting to understand the concept, Swan. You'll be a pro in no time. Give me a few more weeks." He winked at her and held out his hand to help her off the table - an unnecessary, if kind, gesture.

* * *

**November 19th, 3rd Session**

"I got it, don't worry about it Killian." David walked through the door to his apartment, closing it with his foot.

He heard his roommate let out a heavy breath, "Thanks man, I appreciate it. I would've done it myself, but Emma…"

"It's okay, she needs the help and I'm doing this for both of you; now his flight arrives at 7, right? What's the number?" David grabbed the pen and note pad that Mary Margaret had stuck to their refrigerator one day, ready to jot down the information. He heard shuffling and muffled cursing on the other end and chuckled; Killian wasn't the most organized person in the world.

"Okay, looks like it's _Virgin Airways _flight 4603. And yeah, supposed to be at 7, but who knows with international flights. He normally just hops a ride on the aircraft supply planes, but apparently that wasn't an option this time."

David finished writing and snapped the pen back to the metal door. "Alright, I'll pick him up and we'll meet you at Romario's for dinner."

"Thanks again David, I'll talk to you again soon."

"Tell Emma I said hello ." Killian chuckled and said he would. As he hit end on the call, he slipped the paper into his bag and continued walking to the library. It was his turn to be a little late, but he hadn't done it on purpose. His brother had sent him an email from the plane's wifi explaining he would be arriving in the city shortly - as in, maybe three hours.

The news sent him into a bit of a tailspin - which was Liam's whole purpose in life, really - and he called David a bit frantic and asked him to pick up his brother from the airport since he was going to be at the library with Emma until eight.

Technically Liam wasn't visiting Killian, but decided to make a small detour on his way to the Naval station nearby. Killian was more concerned with what to tell Emma about when he explained that he has to cut the session short on a whim.

Sighing, he opened up the unlocked carrel door - Emma had the key and was obviously here already; he could hear her laughter before he even looked at her. She was giggling on the phone with her back to him.

"Neal, you know better than this! I have to _study. _We can play when I get home." Another soft giggle.

Killian sighed at the mention of her boyfriend's name, and the reminder that Neal made her laugh more than she ever had with him made his heart sore.

Unable to resist a bit of petulance, he slammed his bag on the desk which made her jump a bit and she hurriedly hung up on Neal, her face bright red.

"Ah, sorry, didn't hear you come in." Emma struggled a bit to explain, not really sure why she had to but compelled anyway by the intensity of Killian's stare.

"No matter, Swan. It's nothing I haven't heard before." _Liar, _his heart cried. It mattered - he hated being reminded that she wasn't his and that placing himself in the way of heartache might never lead to anything good.

He shook his head, "Hey so before we start, I'm going to have to duck out of here maybe half an hour early."

Emma tucked her hair behind her ears and looked up at him, "Really, what for?"

"My brother, Liam, decided to take a detour on his trip to the Naval base and is here for the evening. I suppose it'll be our Thanksgiving get together, we're going to Romario's at eight. David is picking him up, so I owe him dinner too." Killian shifted awkwardly at her stare. He wondered what she was thinking as their eyes met, and before he could stop himself he invited her to eat with them.

He watched her face pull in surprise and her eyes blinked slowly. "Oh! Um - sure, actually. I've never met him, couldn't hurt," and she wanted to meet another Jones to unfurl the riddle that was Killian.

Killian grinned back and nodded, "Well, we've wasted enough time chatting about nonsense and I was late - so let's go through the various types of games now…"

* * *

Emma fiddled with her bag as she sat next to Killian, waiting on her brother and his to arrive. _Romario's _was a bit above her normal dining experience and she felt woefully underdressed - not to mention both her and Killian had their bags from classes with them since they had taken the bus.

Romario's had a homey feel to it - it was pure American dining, surprisingly - the inside was divided up into smaller rooms with half walls. Emma had always thought about eating here, but really the only person who could afford it was Killian. She wasn't even really sure how she was going to pay for dinner tonight, but she really wanted to meet Liam. She fiddled with the cloth napkin on the table.

A hand grabbed hers and stopped the nervous habit; she turned her head, expecting Killian to be watching her, but instead his eye's were glued to the door. He seemed nervous, though she wasn't sure why - the Killian she knew rarely showed those emotions in front of others. Maybe the hand grasping wasn't so much to soothe her, but him.

In reality, she should have taken the hand away - again, he was too close for her comfort - but it calmed her so she kept it on the table. Suddenly, Killian stood up and walked away - to where David and Liam were. She watched Killian hug Liam hard - almost desperately - and Emma found herself needing to look away.

They arrived at the table and Liam went to stand in front of Emma, "And who is this glorious creature, Killian? Have you been hiding her from me?" He gave her a gentle smile to accompany his compliments.

"Hi, I'm Emma Swan, Killian's friend and David's sister. It is good to meet you, finally." Emma held her hand out in greeting, and Liam surprised her by taking it and kissing it in greeting.

Liam looked up at his brother, "It is not surprising to me now, that you would keep such a secret from me."

Emma heard Killian growl protectively and Liam held up his hands, laughing. "Alright, I get it brother, taking a seat. Hopefully Romario still remembers us."

At that, a burly old man walked up to the table. "Jones brothers! Never thought I'd see you two in the same room again, what with you both running around with no regard for your roots." He had a handle bar mustache and was distinctly Italian - but Romario had surprised Killian's parents when the decision was made to open an American restaurant instead of an Italian one. Romario claimed it was a travesty to stick to one culture's food - and wanting a true melting pot of cuisine on his menu, just like America's best aspirations.

It was here that Killian and Liam spent a lot of their evenings with their parents, neither one having much time for cooking. They always just took them here, where Romario would lavish attention on them - becoming very much an Uncle to the boys.

"Hey Uncle Rom, sorry I haven't been by much - but thought with Liam here it would do you some good!" Killian winked at the old man.

"If by good you mean finish me off to an early grave, then sure. You boys wouldn't know what decorum was if Miss Manners herself took you over her knee!"

Liam snickered and made some comment under his breath to David, who was sitting next to him, causing him to laugh. He looked at Killian's glare and started laughing, "Oh come on, brother. You were thinking the same thing. Don't be such a goody-two-shoes."

Emma blinked at the accusation and chuckled a little. Liam looked over at her, "Did I make the fair lady laugh?"

She smiled, "Well, it's just...I never expected anyone to call Jones here a goody-two-shoes." She looked sideways at Killian and then back to his brother, "So I was just surprised."

Before either could respond, Romario chuckled. "Yes, the Jones brothers here were quite an interesting pair. Killian was always _'we shouldn't do this' _and Liam was tugging his hand _'don't be silly we're doing this.' _I wonder how their parents ever managed them." He smiled and ruffled Liam's hair as if he were seven years old again. "Well, I'll let you order. I'll be back later, good to see you again boys."

Killian stood up and hugged him, thanking him for coming to say hi; as he sat back down, their waitress brought them the menus and Liam ordered them a bottle of wine without questioning the others.

Once they ordered, Liam struck up a conversation about David and Mary Margaret - they had met this past summer briefly.

"You going to marry her anytime soon, man? I hear that's what men are supposed to do after three years." He winked at Killian, who was watching Emma ; she had stiffened a little bit at the question - not because she didn't agree with David getting married, but...Neal kept asking her the same kind of question and Emma never knew how to respond.

David shifted, "Yeah, it's something that I've given some thought to. I guess we'll see." He scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably, but Killian just raised his wine glass in a gesture of goodwill - smiling at his best friend.

"She would be silly to say no, David. Don't even entertain that possibility. You two were smitten from the very start, and will be for as long as you live."

Emma was keeping quiet, Liam kept sending appraising glances at her and moving between her face and Killian's next to her. "So, brother, it's been three years since your 'college life' declaration - given much thought to finding the right lady?"

Killian shifted, and put his elbows on the table to lean forward. "You know that's not really a good idea - I have that internship in Chicago next fall, and anyone I meet here would have to follow me or do long-distance. And you know that almost never works out. I can't expect someone I just met and started dating to follow me all the way to Illinois."

Emma piped up at his comment, "Why wouldn't they? If you love someone, you'll find a way to make it work. Neal would follow me anywhere, we'd work it out."

He turned to look at her, ignoring Liam and David, "Yes well, love is another factor, Swan. I would do anything for love, but the odds are small that anyone would ever feel that way about me."

They stared at each other for a few long moments - Killian's disparaging remarks hitting Emma at the heart; did he truly think no one would ever love him? Was that what this was all about?

David cleared his throat, pulling the two away from their bubble, and Liam chimed in. "Well that's my depressing and honorable brother, ladies and gentlemen. Shall we move on? I see our food arriving with Rom leading the way!"

Their food was placed in front of them, and Killian refilled Emma's wine glass without comment.

"Thank you," she whispered softly to him. Dropping her voice even lower, she said something meant only for Killian's ears. "You'll find someone who will love you, Killian. Please don't think of yourself as unlovable." She grabbed his hand and squeezed it before quickly dropping it to eat.

* * *

After dinner, David took Emma home in his car to give the Jones brothers time to themselves. They were walking to the apartment complex from the restaurant - Killian with his bag strapped across his chest and hands in his coat with Liam quiet by his side.

"So you were talking about the internship as if it was a done deal, have you heard back yet?"

Killian kicked a rock along the sidewalk, "No, but I should in January. I know the guys at the firm, it should be a done deal unless I screw up."

Liam nodded, "I know you wanted me to visit for Christmas, but I don't think it's possible - with this trip they're supposed to be assigning me to some new project. If that happens, I won't be able to get leave - and I want to save up my good will for your graduation."

"It's alright, I understand. These guys will be around, I never do much for Christmas anyway." Killian looked up at the pitch black sky, wishing the city lights didn't hide the stars away.

Liam put a hand to his chest to stop him, "So do you want to tell me what's going on with Emma, brother dear?"

Killian shrugged away from his brother and kept walking. "Nothing to say, I'm helping her study and invited her along since David would be here and I didn't want him singled out."

Liam laughed heartily from behind him, "Oh brother, you really are still the more honorable of us both. What's the situation then?"

Killian turned and pressed his back against the brick building and sighed, "She's been with this guy forever, really, and she's hated me for almost as long. I'm trying to...build a friendship, I guess. I want her to see me as the man I am, not as the man I appear to be to others." Killian closed his eyes, knowing that the Killian she saw was one he had created in response to their connection. He regretted it, not having the courage to go after her then; now he was stuck.

"I don't know...I'm hoping that maybe, one day, the choice won't seem so obvious. Maybe she'll choose to be with me instead."

Liam watched his brother's dilemma settle on his face and walked up to take the spot next to him, his back up against the building. "She seems nice, Killian. You two could barely stop stealing glances at each other. If I were David, I'd be seriously concerned for my sister - if she was in a happy relationship, then what is she doing whispering furtively to you and holding your hand for comfort?"

A heavy sigh came from Killian, eyes stilled closed. "I was afraid you'd notice that, but that was my move not hers. Sometimes I can't help but touch her. It physically pains me to be so close to her and not have her see."

"You might have initiated it, brother, but she held and gripped your hand as tightly as any woman in love I've seen. You might be winning her over yet." Liam grinned and smacked Killian's chest to get him snapped out of the sadness.

"Ow!" Killian rubbed his chest and glared at his brother, "Why do you have to be so stubborn? She's not looking at my like that. I just need to...I don't know."

"Well whatever you do, Killian, just be careful. I know you want her, it just seems like an easy way to break your heart. I wish you luck. I would be honored to have the lady Swan join the Jones family!"

At that, he kicked off the building and wrapped his arm around Killian's neck, dragging him along with him as they walked back to the apartment.

* * *

**Author's Note: **So there we go. It won't be the last we see of Liam, since his appearances have been so short - but it will be the last for awhile. Killian just really needs a brother right now. Next chapter is Thanksgiving. As before, I'll post the game I used on tumblr and then review/PM if you want the questions. This one was actually on the test so es much harderrrrr, poor Emma. She'll get there, we have faith in our girl!

Killian is quite the bundled up mess of nerves and emotions right now, isn't he? That can't be helping Emma pin down the reality of Killian Jones! We'll get some of her thoughts on the dinner next chapter. Also, Thanksgiving. _**Thankgsiving.**_So excited.

Til next time!

~Caisha


	12. The Thanksgiving Dinner

**Disclaimer:**The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's _Once Upon a Time's_intellectual property.

**Half of My Heart**

"_**I want to reach out and grab his hand and hold it to me, right over my heart, right where it aches the most. I don't know if doing that would heal me or make my heart break entirely, but either way this constant hungry waiting would be over."**_

_**-Matched**_

Emma was curled up on the window bench in their study carrel, head pressed against the window, tears slowly sliding down her face. She hadn't expected the black vitriol in his heart when his true feelings were revealed and now it was all she could do to arrive here in her makeshift sanctuary, the only place she felt safe - where her tears felt like maybe they wouldn't drown her. He was coming soon, but she couldn't bring herself to hide in this room and so let the tears fall.

It was only an hour ago, but it felt like longer - when Neal had come over and destroyed their perfect bubble. She had been in a good mood, smiling and asking him to dance to their song that played only in her head. He was angry and his eyes were wild as they looked at her.

_"What's wrong? You don't look so great, what's going on with your eyes?" Emma reached out to touch Neal's face, but he jerked away; taking a few steps back he spared a glare at her for daring to touch him._

_"I'm just surprised you're here! I come by sometimes unexpectedly, you're never here…" his voice was low, as if he was talking to himself._

_Emma blinked, "You know what my schedule is like, just call and I'll make time for you...I love you, Neal."_

_He scowled at that and turned to pace in front of her, hands going through his hair, "You shouldn't have to 'make time'," he sneered. "You're my girlfriend, but it is clear you love school more than you love me." _

_Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "You know that's not-"_

_"OF COURSE IT'S TRUE, EMMA," he bellowed, getting in her face. "You're always gone, to class or studying somewhere unknown - do you even really want to be with me anymore?"_

_Emma blinked slowly, she had never seen him so angry or upset before and was having a hard time processing, "Of course I want to be with you still. I wouldn't be here if I didn't...we've talked about this, I'm doing this for my future, why can't you be patient with me? I'm trying my best…"_

_Neal scoffed, "Oh yeah, your future - but what about ours? Where does your future leave me? In the fuckin' dust, that's where. You think you're too good for me, don't you? You're pulling away ever so slowly. I feel it." He pressed his back against the wall, slamming his head against it._

_"Why did you come here like this? I'm not pulling away, you're the one that's been avoiding me for the past few weeks. I want to know why. You can't guilt me into thinking I'm the bad guy here." Emma's voice was strong still, even though her body trembled with the weight of his accusations. He had been with her long enough - he knew just how to twist that knife._

_"Don't leave me, Emma. You'll have your degree soon, let's just leave it at that and go somewhere new and start our life together. You don't need to spend more time getting useless degrees." His face was turned towards her, imploring._

_An alarm went off, her calendar reminder for Killian's sessions; she sighed and shook her head. "We'll have to talk about this later, I have to go."_

_A pained laugh came from behind her as she bent to grab her books and put them into her bag, "Of course you do, Emma. Of course you do. Always going, never in one place. Never enough time for the ones you love. Call me when you're ready to talk about your commitment issues." With that, Neal shut the door to her apartment and Emma let out a heavy sob that she had been holding in since Neal's accusations had come filtering through the air._

Now she was here - a pathetic mess of tears and unkempt hair; she wasn't sure where her Neal went - the carefree and loving man she had known for years, but it was apparent that something much deeper had a hold on him now and she wasn't sure where that left them.

At that last thought, she head the carrel's door open and knew Killian had arrived - just on time, unfortunately for her. Emma leaned desperately into the window, trying to postpone the questions for a little bit longer.

A few long moments pass, and the door clicked shut. She heard a bag drop to the desk and felt his body near hers, but she studiously ignored it and kept looking out the window, trying to cool the heat and redness on her face from the tears.

Killian pulled a chair up besides the window bench, and sat down quietly. He rubbed his chin, trying to think what the best course of action would be with the crying girl next to him. Finally, he settled on grabbing the hand that was resting limply in her lap and ran his fingers over the top. She instantly laced her fingers into his without saying a word and he heard sniffles. He was a bit lost - they never teach you how to deal with people who are crying, so he was running on pure instinct.

They sat like that for awhile before Killian braved the silence, "Emma, what's wrong?"

Another sob hit his ears and his heart clenched at the sound, but she sniffled before saying, "Neal c-came to my apartment earlier," he tensed up, not sure if he wanted to hear the rest - his mind going to all the worst places - "he was a b-bit wild, and accused me of loving my career and school more than him. He wants me to graduate and skip law school so we can start a new life somewhere else."

Hearing the ultimatum that her _boyfriend _gave her, Killian got angry, "Emma, he has _no right _to demand that of you. Look at how hard you're working! He should be thrilled that the love of his life is dedicating so much to what she loves - for their future! "

Her head was still pressed against the glass, "Maybe he has a point - I'm working hard, but I can't be with him as much as before. Maybe I should talk about career options with my undergrad degree alone…"

"No! Emma, don't you dare." Killian stood up, forcing Emma to turn to look at him by the strength of his voice, "You have too much in you to give up something like this - Neal should know that and understand. Every couple has rough patches, you two just have to work things out." Killian's voice was indignant, and it fired Emma's defenses.

A bitter laugh rolled from her throat, "Oh of course, because _you _would know _so much _about relationships, Jones. What do you know, really? You know how to fuck a girl and make her breakfast in the morning, never having to think about her again."

"Don't make this about me, Emma," Killian implored her. "You're upset, just give it time you'll work things out."

She wrenched her hand from his, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, KILLIAN. You know _nothing _about what Neal and I have, _nothing. _If someone you love asks you to rethink your priorities, you owe it to them to do it. Don't you dare act like you care, the only reason you're here right now is because you want in my pants." She glared at him, his face unreadable as she let loose the tirade, "Well that's _never _going to happen, Jones. I could never be with someone like you."

Killian's face was a mask shielding the hurt her words had caused, "Say what you will, Emma, but I would never ask someone I loved to stop pursuing something they loved and had planned for all their life. I would help them be the best person they could be, holding their hand the entire time. I'm sorry you don't have that." At that, he got up and moved to their bags, pulling out the study questions from last session.

Looking back at her he found Emma watching him silently, the anger gone from her face. "Until you decide to drop everything for him, I suggest we continue studying." He handed her the blue marker and she slid off the bench and took it, her fingers brushing his.

* * *

Killian quietly unlocked the door to the girls' apartment; it was early for them - almost nine-thirty - late by any other's considerations, but they had stayed out quite late last night. Killian stayed in as he hadn't felt up to celebrating; it had only been a few days since his confrontation with a crying, heartbroken Emma and he needed a bit longer to recover before facing her again. Today was all about moving past all that had happened, though. One of his personal favorites - lots of cooking and ribbing between friends and family.

He walked softly into their kitchen, placing the giant turkey in the sink. He had kept the frozen turkey in David's fridge since it took up the most space and the girls had most of the other ingredients in theirs already. It was Thanksgiving, a time of joyous meal cooking and feverous football watching - oh, and deal shopping, he thought with a snicker. Mary Margaret was known for her somewhat over zealous bargain shopping. Black Friday was basically like her Olympics, and poor David got dragged through it every year. Well, he said poor David, but Killian thought that the guy would do absolutely anything she wanted - he was hopelessly in love with that woman.

Killian was grabbing the flour and yeast from the pantry when he heard a door open and click shut, and quiet feet padding through the room. He looked up into Emma's face - the first time he had seen it since their last session two days ago, and the first time he had seen it without tears or splotches for at least a week. She is quiet, and just stares at his face before breaking into a shy smile, her face imploring; he returned her shy smile and nodded slightly - apology accepted.

Without saying anything, she grabbed the butter from the fridge and the mixing bowl from under the cabinet. Despite their past distance, they always ended up cooking the majority of Thanksgiving components with each other - starting always with the rolls. It was apparently some Jones family recipe, but Emma never thought to ask much about it - she just knew that it went first, always.

While she watched Killian measure out cup after cup of flour, she finally spoke, "So what's the deal with this recipe, why is it so secret?"

Killian looked over at her briefly, acknowledging the broken silence, "Ah well, my great-grandmother was quite the baker you see, and she spent a good amount of her time working on making the perfect roll. She succeeded, naturally," he winked at her and she rolled her eyes good naturedly, "but the dough takes so long to prepare that it became the Jones family tradition to only make them during the holidays - in this case, Thanksgiving."

Emma smiled at the thought of family traditions as she tore open two packets of yeast and put them into the bowl of water to mix up as Killian talked.

"Of course, my parents kept on the long standing tradition of arguing over which method was best when it came to baking the rolls - all coming down to the butter method - pan or bowl?" He chuckled, "I don't think we ever solved it definitively, but maybe one of these days Liam and I or our future family members will."

Emma thought about that for awhile - he said future family members, and remembered her awful words from a few days ago. "Do you want a family? I mean, to keep on the tradition naturally." She smiled at him to keep from getting to serious.

Killian shrugged, "Of course, I would love a family - but it takes the right woman, I'll settle for no less. I don't know if it's in the cards for me, truth be told."

She felt the silence stretch into awkwardness so she spoke again, "My first real Thanksgiving was with David and his family - and Neal. I had never had the big family dinner - I didn't even know what stuffing was, actually. Most of the Thanksgiving food I knew of came from the special school lunch that always happened that day." Her voice could have sounded sad, but her statements were just fact without emotion - as if she had detached herself from the feelings long ago.

Killian cleared his throat, "So when is Neal coming over, then? I assume he'll still be here."

"Yeah, I'm supposed to pick him up in a little bit - probably wait a few hours, last night was a long one." Emma saw him nod from the corner of her eye and he kept mixing up the dough.

Claiming it was ready to be cooled, Killian wrapped the bowl with plastic wrap and put it in the fridge to chill for a few hours before they rolled them out.

"So, Swan, pumpkin or pecan this year?" He raised his eyebrow at her in question - he never knew for sure which one she would choose, and it was becoming a tradition - only those two were ever options.

"Hmmmm," Emma patted her chin in thought, "PUMPKIN!" He laughed and nodded, going to gather the ingredients he would need to make his pecan pie.

A few hours later, the pies were chilling in the fridge and they were starting on the stuffing when Mary Margaret's door opened and the two lovebirds came padding out. Mary Margaret was smiling and quiet, but David looked like a kid on Christmas as he walked up and sniffed around, "IS IT READY?"

Emma and Killian shared a look, then turned to stare at David blankly. Mary Margaret just patted his back, "Come on, David, let's go take a shower and get ready. They haven't forgotten to make it, I'm sure of that." David's face fell, clearly hoping to eat some of his favorite dish for breakfast - but nodded and went with her to get ready.

Emma snickered when their door shut, and Killian smiled to himself. "What would he do if we ever forgot about it, do you think?"

Killian groaned, "Oh Swan, I don't think we ever want to find out. It might send him into the depths of a depression he would never leave!"

Emma was preparing the turkey, but her least favorite job was coming up - preparing the insides - so she sidled up to Killian and batted her eyes. "Jones, help a girl out why don't you?"

Killian laughed, "Every year, Swan. One day you'll be able to do it yourself."

She smacked his chest, "Doubtful if I have you around."

He paused, heart tightening at the thought of always being with her on this day, but shook his head. "You just want me for my fisting skills, don't you?" He laughed and winked at her shocked expression, "Only joking, lass."

She giggled unexpectedly, then looked at the time on the microwave, "Oh! It's time to go pick up Neal. Are you good to finish up here?"

Killian sighed, sad that his time alone with her was ending, but nodded. "Yeah of course, I'll get those two to help with the last bits. Go on, I'll see you when you get back."

* * *

An hour later, David and Mary Margaret came strolling out - freshly washed and dressed, "So what's left, chef?" Mary Margaret asked.

"Well, you should probably finish the stuffing - Emma had to leave to pick up Neal." She nodded, and got to work while David sat at the island.

"So Killian, what can I do?" David asked eagerly.

Killian and Mary Margaret shared a 'oh, _no' _look, but Killian was prepared this year. "Oy mate, let's have you prepare the cranberries." He sat the can in front of David, who frowned.

"Aw man, you know this is just a kid job. I meant like cooking!"

Killian chuckled, "One step at a time there, mate. Remember the last time you tried to cook?" He pointed to the darkened spot on their ceiling that they had yet to tell their maintenance crew about. "It is physically impossible for you to screw up cranberry sauce. Your only battle foe is that can opener there." He gestured to the unusual device, definitely not a typical can opener.

David took a few minutes to plate the sauce before putting plastic wrap around it and chilling it in the fridge, before turning back to Killian to ask for another task. He pushed the bowl of fresh green beans towards him, "Snap them before I cook them, you've done that before I assume?" David smiled and nodded.

Mary Margaret was still working on the stuffing when she asked, "So where is Emma?"

Killian shrugged, "She went to pick up Neal, I don't know what's taking her so long though." He nervously checked the clock, noting it had been over an hour.

Mary Margaret and David looked at each other for awhile, working on their tasks, before she asked another question. "Oh..so, how are you doing with all of that?"

Blinking, Killian looked towards the woman by his side, "What do you mean 'all of that'?"

David sighed loudly, "Oh Killian, just come clean would you - what's going on? Clearly something has changed, we talked about this before."

"Nothing happened, guys. I just...she had a bad argument with Neal the other day and she got upset with me when I offered her comfort." He looked away from Mary Margaret's knowing and comforting eyes before continuing, "I just want her to be happy. I want… I want that to be with me, though." He looks up tentatively to David, knowing this was where his biggest criticism would come from.

David just sat there, hands on either side of the bowl, watching his best friend go through emotions he'd never experienced before. He sighed, "Killian, I just want Emma to be happy, too." He stood up and put his hand on Killian's shoulder, "If it turns out that happiness comes from being with you, I want you to know I'll be there by your side."

Killian looked in his eyes, judging the sincerity of David's words. He finally nodded, accepting them. He thanked the two, then stepped out on the balcony for a moment, the emotions overwhelming him.

* * *

Emma sat outside Neal's duplex, waiting in the yellow bug. She saw him walk out and his neighbor walked out at the same time; Neal walked over to the woman and handed her something, and then hopped down the stairs to get in the car.

"What was all that about?" Emma gestured to the woman, indicating the odd interaction.

"Oh nothing babe, she had dropped something on the porch earlier and I was taking the opportunity to give it back." Neal waved his hand nonchalantly.

Emma frowned, but drove off without asking any further questions.

* * *

Neal and Emma finally arrived, and they split off after pleasantries - Neal and David took their spots on the couch to watch football.

Emma rolled her eyes at David, "But you don't even _like _football, David!"

"But IT'S THANKSGIVING, _EMMA!" _He pouted, making her laugh as she shoved him back towards the living room.

Mary Margaret had already assumed the position at the island, her laptop open as she plotted her 'battle plan' as David had nicknamed it so many years ago; she was a Black Friday warrior, to be sure. Emma had started boiling water, cutting up the potatoes to make the garlic mashed dished.

Emma and Killian studiously hummed at the right places as Mary Margaret droned on about the best deals - neither of them would ever set foot in a store during this time, but it was Thanksgiving - the day of letting your family do their weird things without comment.

Killian had started on David's favorite dish, mostly everything was ready to go - just that and the mashed potatoes.

"Hey David, is it okay if we leave tonight for some of these stores? They're opening at like seven!" Mary Margaret called out to her boyfriend, who just replied with a 'no problem'.

"Do you guys mind giving me a ride back to my place, too?" Neal asked, "I have work later and need to get home."

Emma frowned, but kept her mouth shut as David agreed with little conflict.

* * *

Emma settled in against the island, her legs sprawled out in front of her across from David, whose back was against the wall in the same position. Her plate was resting on her legs and Mary Margaret was handing David his plate and bowl as they all settled in on the floor. She couldn't quite remember the logic behind the floor sitting tradition, but then she heard the ball bounce on the floor as Killian walked through and she smiled anyway; traditions didn't always have to be logical.

"This macaroni is the _best, _dude." David said from his position on the floor as Killian walked by.

Killian laughed, "Thanks, I told you I wouldn't let you down." His eyes met Emma's and they smirked at each other. David's favorite dish for Thanksgiving wasn't anywhere close to normal, but ever since he had gone to Disney World and had eaten at the pioneer restaurant where they served Mac n' Cheese with the normal Thanksgiving food, he had been a tyrant about it.

Killian always made a point to make some gourmet type of macaroni and cheese - and only David ate it, everyone else just left the bowl for him. This time it was a four cheese baked macaroni, to David's apparent delight.

Killian dropped the ball in the center of their bizarre rectangle of legs and grabbed his plate, sitting down on the other side of Emma. Mary Margaret kicked the ball idly across and they started playing their silent game of hot potato as they chatted about the semester and David's travails at _The Kingdom _which had ended abruptly last night.

Emma was snickering at the latest story when she kicked the ball towards Mary Margaret who wasn't able to stop it without losing her plate.

David yelled out, "YOU'RE IT. I KNEW IT." He grinned and looked at Neal, who threw him a five dollar bill towards the blonde. Mary Margaret looked stunned and David explained, chuckling, "I bet him earlier that you would be the first to fall." She glared at him good naturedly, and he couldn't even bring himself to feel bad about it.

Neal laughed and gestured towards her, "Alright M&M, you're up. Embarrassing story of the year contest starts _now." _

With a deep sigh, Mary Margaret launched into her story. The rules of the game were simple - if you got distracted and missed the pass you were on the hook for an embarrassing story. As a result, they each had blackmail stories that they have all banked across the years.

"So last April I was walking across the quad and ran into a few classmates in front of the Education building. There was some loud noise that scared the birds from the ledge above us.." her face bloomed red in embarrassment and David grinned, clearly in on the story. "...and one of them flew into my head and pooped on my hair and shirt."

Emma cackled, "Why did you never tell me?!"

"Well now it's a rule, embarrassing stories are reserved for Thanksgiving so we have a nice build up of suspense," Killian retorted, laughing at Mary Margaret's red face.

Mary Margaret glared at the two, "Don't laugh too hard, you know one of you will be next."

David grabbed Mary Margaret's arm, "OH MY GOD! I just realized - is _that _why you were afraid of my brother's bird when we visited him this summer?"

She mumbled yes, and stuffed a big piece of turkey in her mouth so she could avoid speaking about it anymore; David made a mental note to revisit the story later and shuffled another spoonful of mac and cheese into his mouth.

"The mashed potatoes are excellent baby, thank you," Neal said loudly as he kissed Emma's cheek. She gave him a small smile and Killian cringed at the forced nature of his comment and set his plate down, crawling to grab the ball from Mary Margaret's side, putting it into play once more.

It was a small thing, but these underlying games that they played tied their group together - that and it gave them an opportunity for blackmail stories to bring up at inopportune times which seemed to be always, when they were all involved in something.

Emma reached over to steal Killian's last roll from the plate in his lap, and he was so distracted by the innocent action that the ball rolled by him and all the way into the kitchen before he noticed. David kicked his foot to bring his mind out of the Emma-zone; Emma looked like she had a bit of a flush to her cheeks.

Neal shouted, "Your turn, buddy boy - what's the story this year?"

Rolling his eyes, Killian proceeded to tell the story of a particularly embarrassing outing with Liam over the summer. As soon as he referenced the evening, David started laughing so hard he had to set the bowl down. Killian scowled, "At least wait until the story is finished!" But he cracked a smile nonetheless as he continued, "So it was late in the evening - or early in the morning, whichever - and Liam and I had just finished a legendary Irish drinking contest."

David piped in, "It _was _actually legendary - the Jones brothers know how to drink, I'll tell you that much."

"Yes thank you, but when I got outside I noticed that there was this particularly sexy lamp post. She was just standing there taunting me, calling my name. So I went over and apparently seduced it and then promptly proceeded to hump it." Killian hung his head in shame as they started laughing, but when it subsided he grinned at them, "Of course, that wasn't the worst part - apparently Liam was slightly better at holding his liquor than I was, being a Navy boy and all, and had filmed most of the incriminating act."

They were all laughing and Killian got up to put his plate up, grabbed two rolls and kicked the ball over to David; he sat down and handed one of the rolls to Emma with a wink - she just smiled and murmured her thanks.

After they had all been suitably embarrassed for the evening and their stomachs were full, Mary Margaret tugged David away with her shopping list. Neal followed them outside to hitch a ride and said his goodbye to Emma.

They left Killian and Emma alone, with only a supportive look from David to give him the strength for it.

He started running the faucet to fill up the sink with warm water, setting to cleaning up the remnants of their cooking disaster - they were always notoriously bad about cleaning up as they made dinners. It was quiet, as if Emma wasn't sure how to talk to him and Killian certainly had no idea how to deal with the emotions running through his body right now.

He swirled the soap into the water and got to work on the turkey pan when Emma walked up and placed the dishes in the other side of the sink, brushing up against him accidentally. Killian groaned quietly, and stopped his movements, gripping either side of the sink firmly, his head dropping down, eyes closed. He felt Emma behind him, hovering; she put her hand on his back gently and he jumped slightly in surprise. Emma moved to his side to try to see his face before asking what was wrong.

At that simple question, he looked at her and she wanted to take a step back - his eyes were filled with stress and something else she wasn't sure she could name. She had never seen him so open before.

Killian finally spoke, "Emma…" He sighed, frustrated, "Nothing is wrong, just overwhelmed is all." He felt her lean closer into him and look up at his face - only a few inches lower and he could be kissing her again. "FUCK!" He backed away from the exchange and walked out to the balcony to get away from her presence.

Emma blinked slowly and found she couldn't move from the position she had put herself in until he had left the room. She turned to finish the dishes, anything to avoid going and making things worse; she wasn't sure what was going on, but knew that there was no way that going to him would help matters.

She heard the balcony door close, and Killian didn't spare her a glance as he muttered that he was going to grab something from upstairs and he'd be right back.

He came back with a much more carefree expression and a DVD case in his hand.

"What's that?" Emma asked, gesturing to the case he was hiding behind his back.

"Remember that promise you made during one of our first sessions?" Killian asked, a teasing note in his voice.

She scrunched up her nose, thinking, and before she could attempt an answer he showed her the case.

"_V for Vendetta? _Oh! That poem you were mumbling about."

Killian rolled his eyes, "It wasn't just a poem, it was an actual EVENT! A historical thing, an attempted assassination in 17th century England - they tried to blow up the Parliament to put the daughter of the assassinated King on the throne - something about religious tolerance."

"So it's like...a religious movie?" Emma eyed him warily.

"No no! It's a movie about the spirit of revolution and anarchy and regulations and media control...do you like movies with tyrants and oppressors vs activists?" He asked, even though he already knew.

"Sure...are we watching this tonight?" She would gladly watch with him if it meant the awkwardness would float away.

"Absolutely," he said as he grabbed her hand and pulled her over to the couch and set the movie up. It was amazing how well he knew the apartment even though it wasn't his. He went to take the seat at the opposite end from where she sat, but Emma was curled up on the end with her feet sprawled out across his cushion so he lifted them up and sat down, putting them back in his lap.

Emma snuggled into the pillow on the edge of the couch, quite content with the position as the opening scene unfolded. She recognized the poem he had recited to her on their first session - the fifth of November, now etched into her memory - such a witty guy, she thought as she smirked.

Killian watched her through the first part of the movie - through V's introduction to Evey and the alliteration-filled monologue describing his disguise. He had to stop himself from saying it out loud, not wanting to taint her experience or deprive her of Hugo Weaving's glorious enunciation, "This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished." Killian sighed, this was a masterpiece, a throw back to the spirit of Guy Fawke's intentions and the intentions of anyone who had ever stood before a tyrannical majority and said _'no more'. _ He was going to have to contain his enthusiasm, but as he was holding himself back she asked a question.

"So he takes her back just because her name was Evey, which is close to V?" Emma asked quietly.

"Basically. V doesn't believe in coincidences."

"Do you?" Emma looked at him closely.

Killian held her stare and shook his head in response. She settled back into the movie, and that was the last word he heard from her until Evey spoke of Edmund Dantes and Mercedes from the revenge novel _Count of Monte Cristo. _"Is this how it ends, Killian? Revenge over love?"

He looked at her, idly rubbing her feet, "I guess we'll find out."

"What would you choose, if given the choice?"

His hands stilled as he answered, "Love. I like to think I would choose love."

Emma sighed softly, moving her feet idly in his lap, "I like to think I would choose love as well, but I don't know if I could."

"Maybe you just don't have that kind of love in your life." He spoke those words quietly, knowing it was a bit presumptuous of him, but unable to resist. She didn't respond, and he started massaging her legs, lulling her into a state of pure contentment.

The minutes pass as they neared the end, "I can't believe they're actually blowing up Parliament."

He looked over at her, and smiled, "Ah, but buildings are just symbols my dear, given power by the people. Blow it up, change the world."

"But she loved him, how could she just let him go like that?" Emma focused on Killian then, forgetting the movie.

"Being in love doesn't mean you get to tell someone what to do, sometimes it's just letting them be who they are and being with them along the way." Killian kept locked on her eyes as she thought it through.

Abruptly she pulled her legs away from his lap and sat up on her knees, kneeling on the cushion beside him. "You said that to me earlier, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. I believe it."

Emma brought her hand up, hesitant with how he would take it, but confident in her need to touch him. She brushed his face and ran her fingers through his hair, coming back to feel the stubble on his cheeks. Killian held his breath as she explored his face.

Emma moved closer to him, putting her face in front of his, "Why are you being so nice to me still, Killian?"

"You need a friend, I'm trying to be one." His voice was firm, but his hands twitched at her touch as if they ached to reciprocate, but he let her move at her pace.

She leaned in to kiss him, stopping a few inches in front of his lips and whispered, "It feels like more than that."

With that, Killian broke the truce and closed the distance, bringing her lips to his as his hands grabbed and pushed her against him. There was no hesitance to her lips as they moved against hers, no shame as she ran her fingers through his dark hair to grip the strands on the back of his neck. He held her hips tightly and lifted her onto his lap, knees parting automatically to sit on either side; she enticed his mouth open and he moved his hands to her butt and pulled her hard against him as her tongue sucked on his, eliciting more than one moan from each.

Their tongues tangled as her arms went around his neck, pressing herself closer against him and his hands still gripping her ass. He broke the kiss to give them time to breathe and move down her neck with aggressive kisses, pulling her lower half tight against his hard erection. He felt her gasp in his ear as her hips began to move against his clothed cock. He held her hard against him, keeping the friction strong as he moved to suck on her neck, marking her hard. She growled at the feeling, panting from her now-erratic movements.

Killian pulled back to gaze at the bright hickey that was already beginning to form and grinned lasciviously at her. Emma smiled back surprisingly, and threw her head back as he took one hand from her ass to roam upwards, palming one of her breasts, pulling down the cup of her bra and tweaking her nipple. Watch the outline form on her thin shirt, he moved to put his mouth on it when she grabbed his hand and brought it between her legs where his cock had been teasing her the entire time.

He looked at her questioningly, and she just stared at him with lust-filled eyes that were devoid of any shame or regret. He unbuttoned her jeans and slipped his hand inside, stroking her satin panties that were now thoroughly damp from their actions. "Fuck, Emma…" he looked up at her again, "You want me to touch you?" His fingers teased, slipping up and down the satin fabric.

She leaned in, resting her head against his shoulder and he felt her nod and whisper yes. He groaned and slipped one finger behind the satin, running up the length of her slit before circling her clit.

Suddenly, she jumped at his touch, and backed away hastily, hitting the coffee table and landing on the floor. "I'm s-sorry, Killian. I don't know what I was thinking." She tried to avoid looking at him, shame washing over her, and Killian's silence was deafening. All she could hear was his breathing, heavy and fast still, but she continued on with her lame explanation. "I just...it's not fair to you. I'm feeling weird with the whole Neal thing, and you've just been so good to me that I-"

"Excuse me," Killian muttered as he got off the couch and stalked to the bathroom without another word. He shut the door as calmly as he could; he wasn't angry, but he had thought...well, it didn't matter what he thought. It was clear that Emma was not on the same level as he was with her emotions and how they fit into...them.

He gripped the counter harshly, taking deep breaths to calm himself down, and adjusting his cock that was still trapped in his jeans and hard as a rock. He wouldn't be able to do anything about that now, though. He shook his head and looked at himself in the mirror, wondering what was so wrong with him that she couldn't give him even a passing thought? He moved to leave, finally composed himself to the best of his ability, when he saw the Raphael pendant he had left with her so long ago. On a night that ended very much like this one. He touched it reverently; it had been his mother's, and it was a part of him - it meant a lot that she had kept it, but why was it here - had she worn it recently?

He grabbed it and walked out of the bathroom, finding her still sitting on the coffee table where she had landed earlier. "Why was this in your bathroom?" He held up the Raphael necklace in front of her, and watched her pale.

"I just - I was thinking about it recently, and hoped it would...do what you said it would. You know Neal and I…"

He gripped it tighter, "This isn't about Neal, Emma! It's about you - what do you want?"

"Why did you ever even give that to me, Killian?! You barely knew me - it was one brief...thing, and suddenly I have this family heirloom and a note." Emma implored him to answer her question, one she had always wanted to ask. She had imagined asking him in a less charged moment, though.

"I don't know, it just felt right. It's hard to explain, but in that moment… I just looked at you and I knew there was no better place for it. My mother would have wanted it that way." He looked slightly embarrassed at the lack of answer, "But I don't believe in coincidences - we were supposed to meet, Emma."

"What are you talking about?" Emma stood up and moved closer, but still kept a good distance, not wanting a repeat of earlier. Or maybe she did. She wasn't sure at this point.

"Just what I said. I've wanted to be with you for three years, ever since that night, I just never wanted to get between you and Neal..but now. Emma, we only have a few more months. I want to spend them with you. I know it's crazy, but I'm yours - I want your sweet smile and your stubbornness, but it's your decision to make. These past few weeks...I've been trying to show you who I am away from the façade. I want to help you be all you've ever dreamed of, and I want to be by your side for it."

He stepped closer to her, and she was obviously stunned into silence by the impromptu admission. "Emma, maybe it's time to try something new and take a leap of faith with me," he clasped the necklace back around her neck and kissed her forehead gently, "I'm sorry for hitting you with all this at once, but think on it. It will always be your choice. I'll see you on Tuesday."

And with that, he left. Emma stood still in that spot for many minutes after the door had clicked shut, the locks turning into place.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I REGRET NOTHING. This was twice the normal length, and for good reason. *sobs* my babies. my stupid, idiot babies. I tried to keep out so much of the analytical stuff with V for Vendetta because I COULD SERIOUSLY GO ON FOREVER AND SO COULD THEY, but they kind of took precedent so maybe they'll rewatch it it later with less..tension.

Hope you guys enjoyed it? Let me know, loves! Til next time.

~Caisha


	13. The Deconstruction

**Disclaimer:**The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's _Once Upon a Time's_intellectual property.

**Half of My Heart**

"**_There's a sorrow and pain in everyone's life, but every now and then there's a ray of light that melts the loneliness in your heart and brings comfort like hot soup and a soft bed."_**

― **_Hubert Selby Jr._**

"I think Neal might be cheating on me," Emma blurted out the next afternoon. Mary Margaret was flitting in and out of her bedroom with all the things she had bought during the annual Black Friday haul. Poor David, but Emma knew he loved it - he embraced all of Mary Margaret's quirks and she his; true love indeed.

Emma spoke softly as her friend walked by and Mary Margaret froze mid step; she looked over at Emma, whose head was just laying back on the couch cushions staring up at the ceiling. Mary Margaret composed herself before speaking, "Oh...um, whatever would make you think that?"

"I don't know, I saw him with this girl outside his place yesterday when I went to pick him up," she picked at one of the pillow threads. "He said it was nothing, she had dropped something, but he's been so simultaneously distant and needy these past few months."

Mary Margaret walked over to sit next to her friend, "How can someone be both distant and needy, Emma?"

She let out a loud forced breath, "I don't know. It's like he doesn't show up to things he always came to before, he's late - but at the same time he's been really upset with me about how much time I've been spending studying and focusing on school." Looking at Mary Margaret, she didn't even bother hiding her worried expression. She was, however, debating on hiding the events of Thanksgiving and the subsequent confession from Killian that she hadn't dealt with yet.

"Well have you tried to talk to him about it? That's what I always do with David…" Mary Margaret's voice seemed low and quiet, timidly wading into the advice waters.

"Sort of. I mean, I've talked to him about the studying and time thing - he doesn't want me going on to law school, wants to just settle down and have me get some random job I don't really want. I haven't talked to him about the other thing."

Mary Margaret put her hand over Emma's, that were being wrung in her lap from the conversation, "Listen, maybe now isn't the time to take this on directly - maybe push it until after your big test - the SATs or whatever."

Emma smiled obligingly, "LSATs, Mary Margaret." Her friend waved her hand, not caring about the technicalities right now, "But maybe you're right. I think I just need a break, nothing extreme I just want to be able to focus only on the test for a little while."

She tucked her hair behind her ears and Mary Margaret noted that her body didn't seem to have relaxed with Emma's decision, "Well, that sounds like a good idea - just tell him you'll talk to him afterwards about the things he's concerned about."

"I kissed Killian." Emma blurted out before Mary Margaret finished her sentence, her eyes going wide. She hadn't anticipated telling her until she had wrapped her own head around it, but apparently her mouth disagreed. Her face flushed a bit and she looked over at Mary Margaret, who has resumed her previously shocked expression perfectly and sat still with her hand covering Emma's.

"On Thanksgiving," she continued and watched her friend for any movement. "You guys had left and we were watching a movie and I just...I kissed him." Her face flushed and a little smile crept onto her face, "Actually, more than kissed I suppose - but nothing further; I stopped myself."

During Emma's ramble, Mary Margaret's mouth opened and closed in shock before, "Well why are you even here then?" Her voice was purely curious, and obviously not scandalized by the news.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

Mary Margaret had a smile that made Emma feel like a five year old being told about something very serious, "I mean, what are you doing here right now - why aren't you upstairs with him talking about it?"

"We did talk about it!" Emma exclaimed, but Mary Margaret just gave her a '_Did you really?' _look, "Well, he did most of the talking. He got frustrated when I stopped and apologized for my actions, then he-" Emma whispered the last part, "He told me he wanted to be with me."

Mary Margaret let out a low squeal, "Oh wow! What did you say?"

Emma touched the necklace still hanging around her neck, "Nothing. I said nothing. I just stood there as he talked - and he understood and just kissed my forehead and left, giving me time."

"That seems really sweet and very...not Killian," Mary Margaret said, trying to keep her excitement down in order to read how Emma was feeling about it all.

"That's the thing - I think it _is _very Killian; Mary Margaret, he's just been so kind and helpful lately - and really I just don't know where that leaves me. This stuff with Neal is overwhelming me - I don't know if I kissed him because I like him or because he's been so good and understanding where Neal hasn't been." Emma huffed and threw her head back again in frustration.

"So again - why are you here right now? You just said that Killian gives you what Neal hasn't been, isn't that telling of the relationship?"

"I have a commitment to Neal, you know that better than anyone. Our relationship deserves more than to be crumbled at the fir- kiss of someone else. Clearly there are issues we have to focus on. What I have with Killian has always just been physical and nothing more."

Mary Margaret blinked, "I'm sorry - what you've _always _had? Is there something else you aren't telling me?"

Emma sighed at her slip up, "Freshman year, that Halloween party Neal bailed on? I was a bit drunk and so was Killian and we...made out. I said some not nice things and he carried me back to the dorm. That's when he left me this." She pulled out the pendant from around her neck and showed it to Mary Margaret.

She gasped, "I saw that a few weeks ago in the bathroom! What is it?"

"Really? All that and you're more interested in what the necklace is?" Emma said, fairly shocked at her friend's attention to the small thing.

Mary Margaret smacked her friend's shoulder, "Emma, men don't give people pendants that obviously mean something. Yes, I am more interested in that than I am with you and Killian smacking lips because that shows it _meant _something."

"Fine, apparently it was his mothers," she heard a gasp, "And it's some Catholic thing - Archangel Raphael, Saint of Love or whatever."

"_Emma." _

Emma finally had enough, "I don't care! It's just physical, what I have with Neal is real and I owe it to him to try to work things out. He doesn't deserve a cheating girlfriend, and that's what I've become with this whole thing!" She stood up and ran into her bedroom, tears falling from her face.

She crawled into her bed, pulling a pillow against her face to stifle the sobs. She felt a hand glide through her in a gesture of comfort, "You're not a bad person, Emma. All relationships have their rough patches - but you and Neal have never really focused on each other enough to have them; you're not used to talking about the hard stuff. Now all of a sudden you have to deal with him and Killian - it's okay that you're scared." Mary Margaret felt Emma's sobs die down as she spoke and continued, "But you really need to look at your future first and Neal isn't helping you grow. David and I work very hard at helping each other grow independently - how else are we supposed to stay together so long? We're all so young, Emma...it's okay if-"

Emma sniffled as she interrupted, "If I wanted to not be with him anymore?"

"Yes," Mary Margaret whispered, so low it was hard to understand.

Emma rolled over on her back and looked up at Mary Margaret, who was sitting next to her. "What about Killian?"

"What about him? This is your choice, Emma. He knows that, Neal is the only one who doesn't - you need to talk to him."

Emma forced a short laugh, "Yeah I need to do a lot of talking, apparently. I'll just tell him I need a break until after testing like I had planned I guess. Killian...I don't know. I don't know if I can cut him out right now."

Mary Margaret hummed in response, declining to comment. She patted Emma's shoulder, signaling an end to the conversation, and left the room.

Unfortunately, that meant Emma was left alone and Emma being alone meant she was once again forced into thinking about the most prevalent thing in her head at that moment: Killian. She had spent the greater part of the morning and afternoon trying to stay busy, but the cool metal against her neck and chest didn't do much to help. Laying on her back, she gripped the necklace in her hand and took several calming breaths.

She wasn't sure what to think, but if one thing was absolutely certain it was that Emma had lied to Mary Margaret. The attraction and subsequent kiss was much more than physical attraction; she wasn't sure what it was, but she hadn't spent this much time thinking about a man for years - including Neal.

Neal.

She was going to have to talk to him about everything - what was that line from _When Harry Met Sally? _'Cheating is just a symptom that something else is wrong.' Something was wrong with them; Emma had been so wrapped up in her studies, and Neal had subsequently been busy with whatever he had been hiding from her that they never stopped to really talk about anything of note.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and stared at the ceiling, grasping the pendant in her hand, not sure where to go from there.

* * *

Killian laid on his bed, sheets rumpled as if it hadn't been made in awhile, and stared at the ceiling fan as it turned with one thought running through his head.

_I kissed Emma. I kissed Emma. I kissed Emma. I kissed Emma. I kissed Emma._

He could barely allow himself to think that, much less the actual fact was that it went more like _Emma kissed me. Emma kissed me._

These iterations were followed subsequently by berating himself for putting her in the position she was in now. How was he supposed to be in the same room with her again on Tuesday? He should have waited - what an idiot; but she was just - he couldn't handle it, the emotions that kissing her brought out were too great to really be contained. To be honest, he was surprised she had taken it that far.

If only she knew the depths of his despair at that moment. What good did he really bring to her? Nothing but complication, really - she was a good person, not a scoundrel like he was; it had never really bothered him since his dalliances were mutual scoundrel-y things, but the past few months had left him feeling unworthy of her brightness.

Now he had brought darkness and complication into her life, but nevertheless he was in it for the long haul and he had jumped in feet first. He groaned loudly and flipped over onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow hoping that it would muffle his thoughts for awhile.

He had been in bed all day, hoping that there would be a knock at his door, her golden hair and sweet face would be behind it with a smile on her lips just for him. Alas, Killian didn't think that was ever in the cards for him.

His door banged open and Killian groaned into the pillow again, "Go away, mate." He didn't even look up to know it was David, his roommate who was currently in the running for most annoying tenant of the year.

"Man, it's been ten hours. You need to take a shower, Emma's big on hygiene I'm pretty sure," David kicked the bed as he talked, keeping a safe distance from the feral-like animal grumbling on the bed.

Killian flipped over onto his back and glared at the blond, "That's all well and good, but Emma isn't going to be around me anytime soon after last night so I'll just stay here a bit longer thank you very much."

David rolled his eyes, "I know my sister, Killian - if she even _touched _you, she's probably a bundle of emotions right now." He looked at his dark-haired roommate who had been moaning in bed all day, just barely explaining what had happened with Emma. After a few choice words, David caught on that Emma had initiated any contact - Killian had kept it vague, or tried to - and after that was known, he calmed down.

Killian mumbled, "Yeah, but _what _emotions - that is the appropriate question."

"Where did our confident Jones go, is he hiding under the bed? Come on, you've confessed to her and that's all you can do - it's in her hands now, no sense dwelling on it." David grabbed hold of the loose sheet Killian was laying on and tugged it up forcefully, sending Killian rolling to the edge of the bed. "Come on, get cleaned up I'm taking you to the bar and putting you to work, I don't trust you to stay here alone in your state."

"The appropriate adjective for my state right now would be _melancholy, _in case you were wondering," Killian said as he rolled off the bed and stood up, mussing his hair with his hands.

"Yeah well, melancholy or not we're going to make sure you stay busy." David pointed at him, "Just remember, Jones, I'm her brother and I _will _hurt you if you force her into a decision she doesn't want to make."

Killian glared at him; he knew David was just being a brother, but the insinuation that he would ever take a woman's choice away from her was just offensive. "Duly noted, now get out so I can get ready."

David nodded and shut the door.

Killian was again shut in silence and thought of nothing but Emma - he wondered where she was, and wanted desperately to call her. Alas, he was in her hands now and told her only that he would see her Tuesday. If he hadn't heard from her by then, he would have his answer.

* * *

Emma took a deep breath as she walked up to Neal's door; she hadn't called ahead as this was spur of the moment and she was afraid she'd lose her nerve. They've never had many conflicts and she feared his response. All she wanted was a week of focus without any major commitments.

Soft but purposeful knocks sounded in her ear as she waited outside; it struck her as odd that Neal had never given her a key, but before she could follow that thought the door opened.

"Emma," Neal stammered her name in surprise, "What are you doing here? We weren't supposed to meet up until later." He leaned against the frame and looked her.

"Yeah I know, I just kind of needed to talk to you, mind if I come in?" Emma gestured to the doorway that Neal was blocking.

Startled, Neal backed away and let her in, "Sorry about that, you just surprised me. Manners are a bit off when I'm surprised I guess." He laughed a bit and she gave him a small smile. "So what did you need to talk about?"

Tucking her hair behind her ears, Emma took a seat on the couch and he followed sitting right beside her. Looking at him she saw Killian from the other night and blinked a few times to get rid of the image. She shook her head and Neal sat there watching her quietly.

"What's wrong, babe?"

"Nothing, I've just been thinking…" She looked at him, sitting there with no worry on his face - how could she even need to do this to him? "I think we need to have a long discussion about our relationship, Neal - and before we do I need a short break from you before I take the test next Saturday."

Neal sat back and his face moved away from watching hers, "Alright."

"Alright? No questions or concerns about it? It's nothing...bad, really, I just don't think we've ever had a good conversation and it's beginning to show." Emma sat up straighter to mirror her resolve.

Neal finally looked back at her, "What do you expect me to say, Emma? You've been spending all this time with classes and LSATs and Killian - at this point I'm not the least bit surprised you're choosing all that over us." His voice grew louder towards the end, his anger trickling out.

"That's just it, Neal! It's not about putting all of that ahead of you - think about our future; I want to be a lawyer, you've _always _known that - but when it comes to being supportive with it you just get angry. It's hard to be pulled in two separate directions like that."

He waved off her concerns, "You can justify it all you want, but you don't really want this anymore. You barely ever made an effort - I was just biding my time until you decided to cut me loose."

Emma felt tears well up as she moved to take his hand in hers, "Neal, that is not true at all. We just need to let ourselves grow up while still being together - that's hard, and this is just one of the growing pains. You have to let me grow up even if it hurts as we go. I'll always be here for you, with you."

Neal looked at their hands and then up at her, "Fine, take the break and I'll see you for the actual breakup on Sunday." He ripped his hand out of hers and walked into his bedroom, shutting the door.

She sat there for awhile, hoping he would come out once he had cooled off. That was not at all how she expected it to go - were they always this incapable of talking to each other about the difficult things? Maybe she was loathe to admit that communication was never a high priority - isn't that why she came to talk to him today - because something was going on with him and he wouldn't confide in her?

Placing her hands on the couch, she got up to leave, but instead moved towards the bedroom and pushed the door open. Neal was sitting on the bed with his head between his hands and she tentatively placed a hand on his back in a soothing gesture, "What's wrong Neal, really?"

She felt the deep and shuddering breath he took, "Nothing, Emma, don't worry about it. Like I said we can talk on Sunday after the test; good luck, by the way. Guess I failed to say that, huh?" He laughed softly, but it was forced and she knew it.

"We're not over Neal, not yet, but you need to think about what you want from us -for us; right now it doesn't seem like _you _want anything for the future. Not our future, just the future in general. Plus you won't even talk to me...it's not a good place for us."

"Just go, Emma. Focus on what you're good at, because with this stuff you really suck and I'm not up to caring about it right now." She blanched at his words.

"I don't understand why you're being so cruel, but I'll leave - not because you're telling me to, but because I don't deserve to be belittled. I'll see you later." Emma's tears finally splashed on her face as she pulled her comforting hand away, but she wiped them off and headed for the front door.

Taking a deep breath, she walked a few houses down before pulling out her phone. She scrolled to the contact and hit call. As it was ringing all she could think of was _what if Neal was right all along?_

The phone clicked, and his voice hit her ear, "Emma?"

"Killian, hi."

* * *

**Author's Note: **HIHIHIHI. So there we go, the post-heart-fail chapter. It's obviously shorter since it's more of a transition chapter, so that just means no I'm not apologizing for my cliffhanger *sticks tongue out*

I love all of you who are taking the time to read and promote this story - _especially _you guys and gals who review and message me; it is just so inspiring and wonderful so hopefully you stick with me through their bumpy journey.

As always, feel free to PM me here or tumblr - caishakalianah if you want to chat about the story or other stuffs! And another shout out, you can follow the music playlist I have for this fic (songs that inspire me or get me into the right headspace for the story) on Spotify - just search "Half of My Heart (Fanfiction)" by caishakalianah

Thanks!

~Caisha


	14. The Awareness

**Disclaimer:**The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's _Once Upon a Time's _intellectual property.

**Half of My Heart**

"_**Awareness is the enemy of sanity, for once you hear the screaming, it never stops." **_

― _**Emilie Autumn**_

_"I don't understand why you're being so cruel, but I'll leave - not because you're telling me to, but because I don't deserve to be belittled. I'll see you later." Emma's tears finally splashed on her face as she pulled her comforting hand away, but she wiped them off and headed for the front door._

_Taking a deep breath, she walked a few houses down before pulling out her phone. She scrolled to the contact and hit call. As it was ringing all she could think of was what if Neal was right all along? _

_The phone clicked, and his voice hit her ear, "Emma?"_

_"Killian, hi."_

His heartbeat skipped a few steps as he heard her voice; he immediately set the bottle of liquor on the counter and headed towards the stock room. It was quite loud in the bar for a Friday night and it was a wonder that he had felt his phone vibrate in the back pocket of his jeans when she called.

The stockroom door clicked shut and he flipped on the light switch, "Hey." He mentally slapped himself, but at the moment his brain seemed to be on permanent hiatus from his mouth. He waited a few moments, but nothing else came through the line. Lifting the phone in front of his face he saw that the call hadn't dropped so he tried again, "Emma? Are you there?"

"I think I-" Emma sniffled, the tears betraying her. She didn't know why she was on the phone with Killian Jones - why her mind immediately went to him when she thought of who to call. She had taken Neal's car to his place and didn't feel composed enough to walk home at night.

"Emma, where are you lass? Are you alright?" She could hear the slight fear and anxiety in his voice and choked out a laugh - if only he knew the fear coursing through her veins right now. Hearing a door slam and keys jingling faintly through the phone call, Emma finally responded.

"I'm, um, near Neal's place." She heard the slight hiss that came from his lips; though she couldn't see it, she knew exactly what they looked like - felt like, even - she only hoped the hiss was for Neal and not the situation.

He paused for a few long seconds before replying with a crisp, "I'll be right there."

Emma nodded, more for herself since he couldn't see her, and ended the call not knowing what else to say. As she sat down on the curb of the sidewalk she realized she probably should have thanked him.

What could she thank him for though? Kissing her? Confessing an unwanted love for her? Complicating her life? Five years of a casual relationship down the drain because Killian Jones decided he was in love with her? Emma huffed - what did he know about love?

Jones was just a complication - and she had had enough of those in her lifetime; being passed around from foster "family" to foster family - institutionalized by her adoptive parents when she was five because they had their own child and relinquished rights.

She spent the first fifteen years of her life without a friend - what did Killian Jones know about suffering and loss? He even had an actual brother -_blood_ _family. _

Then David showed up with his idealistic views and warm soul and magical healing properties - he was everything she needed in a friend and she went from being the closed off loner to the slightly-more-open girl with a best friend.

The next year she fell in with Neal - the fifth year senior with a bad attitude - and for the first time she felt what romance was like - what it could be like; he was always bringing her cute little trinkets and whispering loving endearments in her ear. It felt good and right, and for years it stayed like that - but Emma was just now realizing that perhaps what felt right then wasn't right anymore. Why did it seem to be unravelling so quickly? What was going on with Neal - why wouldn't he tell her?

Emma hung her head, tears drying on her face; yes, Killian Jones was a complication she could not afford right now. Neal's voice from earlier rang in her head, _"at this point I'm not the least bit surprised you're choosing all that over us."_

She let out a frustrated scream; she wanted to go back there and yell some more, but knew it would do her no good.

_"It will always be your choice, Emma." _Killian's voice from the previous evening superseded Neal's - there was no way Neal could have known about that, but Emma was nonetheless terrified that he somehow knew exactly what to say to her.

She mindlessly rubbed the pendant lying on her chest, stuck to her skin from the slightly wet atmosphere. It had been pulling her closer for a few weeks, wearing it at night; she convinced herself that it was just a reminder that love existed in the world when she was fighting with Neal, but in reality...Emma shook her head. She couldn't think like that - she had to focus on one thing at a time.

Looking back down the street towards Neal's place, she saw a car pull up and a frantic looking Killian jumping out with the car still running. He looked around and Emma stood up slowly from her spot on the curb; he spotted the movement and ran towards her.

Killian stopped a foot away and brought his hands up to cup her face, tilting it upwards; he looked at it for a long time, the moist cheeks and red eyes. His fingers brushed along her cheeks softly - more cherishing than wiping away the tears.

The air was heavy with emotion - Killian's worry for her and Emma's confusion for him. She didn't know why he was there - but neither did he. It was just automatic - Killian heard the tremble and stuttering in her voice and had immediately run out of the bar with barely any explanation for David.

Emma's hands had just immediately went on a search for his number - bypassing Mary Margaret and David's for once. Her eyes flicked up towards his finally, face still cradled in his hands.

"I called you," she said simply.

He smiled right back, "Indeed you did."

"And you came?" Emma's voice held an unsure tone to it as her brows tilted in confusion.

Killian just kept smiling and leaned down to place a soft kiss on her forehead, "I'll always come for you, Emma."

Her cheeks flushed red with an accompanying smile; her body language turned awkward as her face was still cradled so lovingly. Instead of pulling away though, she simply said, "Can you take me home please? I don't want to be here anymore."

He nodded and dropped his hands, gesturing for her to lead the way. He walked a step behind her, and if someone said it was to give her space from the intimacy beforehand you would only be half right. Killian needed time to assess what was happening - Emma Swan, stubborn girl that she was, had called _him _to pick her up. What did this mean? Clearly something had happened with Neal, was it appropriate to ask given all the emotions on the table right now?

He was in his head when Emma rapped her knuckles on the car hood, "Killian, you okay?"

Looking around he realized he was standing in front of the car making no effort to move, but on her question he just nodded and walked to her door to open it for her.

She remembered how often he did these little things for her - quaint manners, really - not necessarily a common trait anymore, but one she appreciated in her heart.

As he climbed into the car, Killian saw her staring at the house in front of them - Neal's; he decided against asking until she brought it up herself - everyone needed a little time to process, even Emma.

The drive to the apartment complex was quiet, but not heavy like their previous encounter. There was only soft music flowing through the car - loud enough where you could hear it, but soft enough to where you could barely understand the words. Emma thought the voice was lovely and broke their silence, "So who is this?"

He looked to her briefly, "Boyce Avenue."

"Hm, never heard of them, who are they?" Emma looked over at him before grabbing the music player that was attached to the system, scrolling through the playlist.

Killian stumbled a bit in the explanation, "Well, they're...a cover band, really. They've put out a few albums, but mostly they do remakes of popular songs in their acoustic version and style."

Emma flipped the music player back on the dash, "Ugh, I hate cover bands."

Startled, he looked at her again as he pulled into a turning lane at the red light, "Why?"

"Because they're not creating anything new - it's just weird."

Chuckling, he turned up the volume and the unmistakable words of _She Will Be Loved _filtered through. "Swan, just because something isn't the original idea doesn't mean it is any less beautiful - I can love what something was and another version of it. People change, why can't songs? The essence - lyrics, the feel - are the same."

She glared at him, "You've certainly thought a lot about this. I thought you were more of a rock-80s guy anyway."

He shrugged as he made the turn, "Guess I've just been in a more acoustic mood lately."

_My heart is full and my door's always open you _

_Can come anytime you want_

He softly mumbled the lyrics and grinned over at her, "Come on, Swan, you know what you want to."

She laughed lightly and indulged him, adding her voice to the classic lyrics.

_I don't mind spending everyday_

_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_

_Look for the girl with the broken smile_

_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_

_And she will be loved_

Emma stopped, her eyes watering as Killian pulled into his parking spot. He turned it off and went to squeeze her hand, but she pulled it away and got out of the car abruptly.

He sighed and followed her, hearing the car beep as he locked it behind him. He found her at the top of the stairs, standing uncertainly.

"Can I stay with you?" Emma's request was earnest and baffling - she knew it and it echoed in his face so she explained, "It's just I'd rather not face Mary Margaret tonight - she's just...I don't know, it's easier if I can avoid it."

He nodded and went to unlock his apartment door, flicking on the lights. Killian turned to let her in and found she was standing in the doorway, her eyes wet again and her lips trembling. Silently he took her hand and pulled her inside, shutting the door.

He turned towards her and pulled her against his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her. At first she was stunned by the gesture, but it was only a brief moment before Emma let her emotions bubble to the surface and a loud sob echoed in the small entryway.

Hearing the noises and feeling the moisture from her tears through his thin t-shirt, Killian squeezed her harder trying to pour all of his comfort and feelings through to her. He had no idea what was upsetting her so, but due to the nature of the evening he feared the worst for her and Neal. A part of him he didn't care to admit was happy - maybe she would be with him now; but the other part - the much larger part - had his heart aching at any sadness she felt and just wanted to hold her in his arms until she felt whole and right again.

Sensing that the tears would not stop anytime soon, he bent a bit and wrapped his arm under her knees and carried her to the couch, her face burying into his hard chest. He gently laid her down with a pillow under her head and whispered that he would return shortly.

Emma's tears had quietened a bit, but they were still falling and she rubbed harshly at her eyes. She probably looked like a complete mess right now - mascara and splotchiness and redness everywhere. Oddly enough though, when Killian came back with two glasses and a bottle of Rum he just smiled at her and she realized it didn't really matter. He had seen her far worse off.

Killian poured a splash of liquor in each glass and handed one to Emma, who sniffled as she sat up and took it from him, her fingers brushing his.

"So," he swirled the rum as he sat down on the other end, angling his body towards hers. "Are you going to tell me what all that was about, or shall we just get drunk?"

She smiled a bit as she sipped the amber liquid, "I went to confront Neal today - about how closed off he's been recently. It didn't go so well, we're taking a break until after my testing is done and he didn't seem to care; accused me of caring more about my future and your tutoring than our relationship." She shuddered a bit and grabbed the bottle, "He was cruel," she said as Emma lifted the bottle to her lips, taking another chug.

"Easy there, Swan. Pace yourself." Killian took the bottle from her and she pouted. He shrugged and took a gulp himself before setting it back down. "Well, it's rather simple really - what do you want for your life?"

Emma let out a harsh laugh, "Oh, it's that simple huh? I don't know what I want - I'm only twenty one years old!"

"Well then, I guess you have another project to do during this break. Maybe you should take some time to really evaluate what you want. Personally, you've always seemed quite driven and I'm not sure where this uncertainty is coming from. If it's Neal, I'd question why he's making you feel like your life is not worth sacrificing and trying for if it isn't what you want." Killian stared at her the entire time, walking the edge between too much and not enough.

Emma looked at him - _really _looked at him. The man he was right then, not the man he was three years ago. Was he telling her something, or was he really just that supportive?

"What does your future hold, Emma? That's the question you need to be asking. Not where you and Neal stand - it's much broader than who you are with," he continued and refilled their glasses.

She stared into her glass - what was her future? What did she want? For as long as she could remember she had wanted to be a lawyer - before she could really even spell it. Ever since she had heard the term emancipation for minors she wanted it - wanted that power to break free.

Free.

Freedom? Is that what she wanted? She looked at Killian who was emptying his second glass, watching his throat move as it glided down his throat.

She wasn't free with Neal - free to become who she wanted to be; could she be free with Neal? She growled, frustrated, and sat her glass down on the coffee table; Emma tucked her legs together and opened her mouth.

Just then Killian's phone rang and he lifted his lower half to grab it out of his back pocket, Emma's eyes watched his movements with a bit of spark in her eyes. He looked at her and said it was David as he answered; Emma shook her head trying to tell him not to say anything.

"Hey man."

"KILLIAN, where are you? You just ran off with no explanation! Left me to tend bar alone, is everything okay?" David's voice ranged from angry to exasperated to concerned within three seconds and Killian had to laugh.

"Sorry to worry you, just got a call and had to take care of something pretty quickly." Killian leaned back against the side armrest and stretched his legs out, pushing his feet against Emma's legs. She scowled at him and he chuckled, continuing the actions.

"Well are you coming back?"

Killian looked at Emma, her face still splotchy and red from the tears, but her eyes carrying the first glimpse of the spark he had missed this evening. "No, sorry. Still need to take care of things here."

"Alright, well I'll be at Mary Margaret's tonight if you need me."

"Done, thanks - and sorry for bailing on you again."

He heard David sigh, "Don't be. I was the one who dragged you out in the first place. Talk to you later."

Killian hit end call as Emma grabbed his shoes, pulling them off. "Honestly, who wears shoes inside an apartment? Barefoot or bust!"

He chuckled, enjoying that her mood seemed to have lifted a little, "Well I did have other things on my mind - like a crying Swan to hold and take care of. I apologize if my footwear offends." He winked at her, taking any guilt she might have felt from that.

He cleared his throat, "So David is staying at Mary Margaret's tonight, I don't know if you intended on returning-"

"I want to stay here," she said in a rushed voice. "I mean, if that's okay. The couch is fine."

Killian scoffed, "Really Emma, you'll never sleep on the couch with me around. You're welcome to take my bed. Clean sheets and everything; apparently I've been sulking a bit and David made me change them before we left." He rolled his eyes at that and Emma giggled.

"He definitely has a domestic side to him that is hard to hide," she replied. "But thank you that would be nice."

He nodded and got up to put the bottle of rum away, taking her glass for her.

Killian felt her come up behind him and her voice hit his ears, "It's okay if you want to sleep there, too." He froze, unsure what she meant, but she stumbled through an explanation - "I mean, I know it's big enough and I don't mind. I'd feel bad if you slept on the couch."

He turned around and met her honest gaze; Emma was just being the good person she always was - nothing special. He nodded, "Alright, if you're okay with it."

Emma smiled awkwardly, "Well I'm going to go clean up my face a bit - I'm sure I look like a mess."

As she walked away, Killian softly mumbled something, but she was too scared to ask what it was.

Killian finished rinsing the glasses and walked into his room to grab a shirt and pajama pants. Emma walked in, her hair loosely untangled and face wet from cleaning it. He handed her the clothes, "Here, I don't know if you prefer to change or just sleep in what you have, but-"

Emma smiled, "Thanks, I think these will be better than sleeping in jeans."

He walked towards the door, "I'll let you get changed."

She pulled off her blouse and undid her bra before slipping on the loose shirt - smelling freshly washed surprisingly. She pulled the necklace from underneath and hesitated before deciding to keep it on, not wanting to leave it in the morning accidentally.

"I'm dressed now, Killian," she called out and he walked back in, changed into another shirt and boxers. His hair was ruffled as if he had been running his hands through it and he was avoiding looking at her.

She broke the tension, "So, left or right side?"

He looked at her and before he could answer he saw the necklace again resting against her chest and his burning stare made her skin flush again. "I-I'll just take the right side if that's okay," and she turned to crawl under the covers.

Killian followed, flicking off the lights before he joined her on the other side. He lay there, staring at the hair that bunched up around her neck and pillow, aching to touch it. His heart beat wildly being that close to her, feeling her breathing and her slight movements against the mattress.

Emma flipped over and faced him, her heart fluttering as well. "Thank you, by the way," she started, trying to ignore the intimate situation. "For coming to get me tonight and, well, for everything else I guess. You've been a good friend."

He nodded, wanting much more than that, but willing to take the small step she's given him towards seeing him as a value instead of a burden. "Anytime Emma, never forget that. No matter what happens or has happened, you will always have my promise."

She smiled and turned back to the other side, drifting to sleep peacefully.

Killian however laid there for the next hour, switching between various positions before the blackout claimed him.

* * *

Early morning the next day Emma woke up facing Killian - no, not just facing him, _nestled _into him. Her arm had wrapped around his waist and her head was between his arm and chest on the pillow. She moved her face a bit and her nose brushed the clothed chest, and Emma caught herself breathing in the deep scent of sandalwood before she pulled back in horror.

She hadn't meant to take advantage of his hospitality, but apparently her subconscious had other things in mind last night. She slipped out of the bed and grabbed her jeans and blouse from the night before; with one last hurried look at the sleeping man, she bolted out and moved to go up to her apartment before anyone could question why she was there in the first place.

When he heard the door click shut, Killian opened his eyes; he had felt her movement as she pulled away from him. Felt the warmth dissipate and his heart grew colder - he reminded himself that she wasn't his, not really. He was _a good friend; _because that is what every man who has confessed his love and desire for a woman wants to hear.

Sighing, he rolled over to where her body's imprint still existed in the sheets; it wasn't as if she was completely oblivious and no feelings were returned - it was clear to him that on some level she wanted him, but the question was - did she want him enough?

He took a deep breath into her pillow, smelling some type of female goodness from her hair and skin. Killian smiled into the pillow, resigned to the truth that Emma Swan was going to lead him on a long journey - and he was in it for the long haul.

Outside the apartment Emma stood with her back against the door breathing rapidly, her mind racing.

_How was she supposed to deal with this? _She shook her head. One day a time, she thought; focus on figuring out her future, Killian had said.

She felt her heart beating wildly as she thought about those words; future could mean a lot of things - job, friends, but also _love _and _family. _A shudder went through her as she stood there with the metal door pressing along her spine.

She pushed off the door, reminding herself of _later, _and walked up the stairs to her apartment, the scent of sandalwood surrounding her.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Okay so I got really caught up in a lot of work things and I really can't just write a chapter like this haphazardly so I'm sorry for the delay. I hope it was somewhat worth it. I _promise _to deliver the next chapter (which will be interesting) before the season finale this Sunday. If only because I know we'll all be too dead to read anything so soon after that.

As always, please don't hesitate to leave a review or PM or ask on tumblr (caishakalianah) if you have any rants, questions, fangirling, flailing, etc. for me to join in with =D

I'm curious how this chapter fit your expectations or suspicions ;D


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